Monday, April 25, 2011
And so, i received the official letter, by SMU, to congratulate me.
yes i am happy, but not the jubilant kind where you jump on the spot and scream YES 3 times.
i still want business.
i went to google the bachelor degree.
and it's oversubscribed 17 times.
which means that 6% of the people who applied got into SMU FASS.
last year, 135 people were accepted.
and it's a supposed 'dumping ground' for the business rejects.
that makes me one of those being dumped.
and i should be grateful.
because being 1 out of 135 aint an effortless task.
and there's a 20% chance that friends who got into FASS will share the same classroom with me.
i guess i got really lucky, and somewhat made the interview an enjoyable and intelligent one.
i also went to google on SMU's school-life.
coming from SMU seniors themselves, i can sense that competition is really tough.
but hey that's where i really perform.
i think my genes were incorporated with a quality, such that i 遇强则强, 遇弱则弱.
class participation = nightmare where people just ramble about irrelevant stuffs.
just because it forms a component of your GPA.
but i just have to make sure i dont transform into one of these fiends.
people who are going into SMU, please do take note because i have experienced something like this before.
dont pin high hopes for SMU, thinking that it'll be a paradise that assures you the best life, and encounters.
while there will definitely be tonnes of eye candies and really great acquaintances, you will be disappointed if you enter with preposterous demands from this school.
due of your overestimation, nothing's bound to satisfy your want for the perfect school.
just like what happened to VJ, and i/you'll end up hating it.
i do believe that it's the best university in singapore, because unlike what the disgustingly blind suckers look at, i ignore the academia partially and cherish the people in there, and the people leaving it.
Yes, you need nerds to run the professional world.
but without the socially capable people putting on smiles and doing the gracious, polite and welcoming acts, this world sucks.
and this world is becoming interconnected, it doesnt work to have a havard graduate sitting in front of the computer whole day generating millions from pixels.
you need to meet people and conduct personal deals; work with people.
that's how the millions become billions.
and when people like you, money comes flowing in.
of course, people start turning green but kindness is contagious.
at least i think it is, and enemies become allies.
ok, maybe i am too naive.
but i dislike most of the people from NUS and NTU.
because the impression is that they are narrow-minded, fake, and have terrible clothes.
you dont need gucci wallets or burberry bags, but wear something affordable and presentable.
dressing is important, if you dont bother to dress smart in public it shows that you have no respect for the people you're meeting.
YOU BECOME AN EYESORE.
like one of those chinese nationals wearing pajamas at orchard? yes.
be presentable and people will respect you, sometimes even fear you.
oh, i like going to town because i can see lots of guys carrying totes.
after so many years, it finally became normal to do so.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Halfway through the 3rd week and there's some preparation for the coming performance.
there was this guy within the group, who titled this entity as a 'fucking failure'.
hey, even when people can't pick themselves up and contribute, this is not the ideal answer.
in fact, it's almost the worst.
disheartened we were, i have to say that it made the atmosphere darken with dissatisfaction and hidden anger.
ionno if you'd been a leader before, but being domineering doesn't grant the right to shut everyone/everything down and expressing you and and only your voice.
the world revolves around a central burning star, not you.
we still managed to get things done, thanks to a couple of motivated and interested individuals.
in times like this, the capable elites will shine above the rest.
they may not be the most intelligent, but they have the character and charisma that influence and inspire.
command with respect; that's what i mean.
i have been really quiet, but at least i keep everything to myself and not let the floodgates open to overwhelm the crowd with vulgarities and discontent.
maybe i haven't contributed as much, but hey, judge me for all you want for i only have 6 days left with you.
and i dont really care.
actually, nothing matters as long as there's music and a print to engage me.
so much for my 19th.
thank you, for showing me that there's more to worse than the worst and that there's more to anything you see.
those fronts, facades and whatever you call that;
i'm glad i wasnt trapped, or wounded.
i guess that makes a good birthday gift after all.
Friday, April 15, 2011
9 days have passed, and there's 10 more.
which somewhat makes me halfway through this marathon.
i have never been so desperate for home; feeling so close yet so far, and there's conflict between taking the luxury cab or that inferior bus.
i guess that's what happens when you are far away, alone, and has no music.
seriously, with no shuffling playlist my mind just go booms.
quoting from Jodi Picoult,
"His pulse is a military tattoo."
Right, on so many levels, it's true.
Somehow, being in the west translated to me meeting weirdos on the return ride, every single day.
there's this nonchalant lady who brought a sack of durians on board.
an extremely rude uncle who keeps staring at me, and hurriedly shifts back when i peered over; he punched a guy into his seat. i was like, wtf?
an explosive snorer.
a toddler, like those from a kindergarten, blasting music from her phone.
a guy whom i eavesdropped on, and got to know that he fell out with his clique because he is insensitive and still doesn't get it. trust me, he has the annoying aura.
some young adult mumbling/singing alien-ese every few minutes.
i seriously think that i am becoming judgmental.
for reasons that.. never mind.
i have been excluding myself from their collective world.
and i thought i'd explain how i go about doing that.
1. Never initiate a Hello/conversation.
2. Don't share until asked.
3. Never try to get into a conversation.
4. Look straight whenever possible, not giving a damn to the people surrounding you.
5. Give the dao look
6. Be a conversational full stop.
i've been through these 9 days alone, and am perfectly fine/sane.
i'm not intending to change any of that.
there's no need to, really.
you'd understand only if you've been through this.
because from what i understand, a good friend of mine has been through this exact thing.
i do feel how and what he felt.
it's different, that's all i can say.
don't judge, because you can't.
otherwise you'd be judging yourself if you're in the same plight.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
i shall not use the word blessed.
no idea if i am lucky/unfortunate coz it's a whirlwind of events and happenings that made little sense to me.
so till now, i'm still confused.
i mean yes, it's really easy on us if you're talking about the physical aspect but the journey your state of mind goes through is beyond words.
it's like working for Paul again, there's nothing for you to do and you literally stoned the entire day and still return home beat down.
and from the counsellor's 'speech', i sorta have anxiety problems!
there're issues mixing around too since i cant find any common topic.
i mean, if you want me to open up, i need at least one person who appreciates ANY of the following:
Glee
Gaga
Fringe
No Ordinary Family
Rebecca Black
Pop
R & B
Fred Perry or any fashion labels.
and there're prolly some other perks, but hey i've yet to find anyone like me.
i think that they think that i am too cool for them or something, or was it my face.
people used to say that my face = fierce when i don't smile = not around friends
OH YES, the 1st day is like a fashion parade to people of the like.
but the sad thing is that none of them fell in my sub-group, so i can't walk up to anyone and tell them that they had pretty shoes.
and i feel that the better schools are being 'eyed' at.
we often joke around being from DHS, but this gives a different feeling.
Plus, they make me feel that since i am gifted with this great mind of my own.
i should just work that little bit to earn my As back.
some people just dont have the privilege - i do, and should appreciate it.
this entire thing makes me better after all.
but being sandwiched between smokers is no joke, though i put on a front and play mr nice.
i am so fake i ought to be condemned haha.
there are people who behave as though they deserve more than this.
and some, like me, who dont believe in forging any friendship here.
and others who are louder in nature.
oh and the unnecessary profanities to express humour.
i mean it, vulgarities = humour here.
and i am trying my best not to be inspired at all.
during my interview with my cute in-charge, i told him everything frankly.
"it's boring at times, yet funny with the unnecessary profanities."
it's not harsh at all, and i am trying my best to do my job well.
after all, i am paid.
and please, i try to make everything sound as ambiguous and friendly, so unless you hate me that much, try to keep them to a reasonable crowd.
thanks
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Omg i think i got tailed by a ghost.
Sometimes i get this feeling that something is around.
When friends crawl up on me, most of the time i can tell that they're already behind me.
it's sorta like my 6th sense or something.
you can call it paranoia if you like, but i've gotten my fair share of encounters.
When i feel something, i feel something.
it's like how blind people can tell that you're around them, it's an instinct.
so everything was fine, i haven't been thinking about anything paranormal in nature.
then suddenly, after the lift doors closed, and after ascending passed the 4th floor or something i felt an existence.
the insecurity was overwhelming, it's been a very very long time since i felt this.
it's almost satanic and i was looking around, like seriously all around me while i picked into my wallet and dug for my keys.
i always prepare my keys in the lift, because i know that i felt this existence on multiple occasions.
i have to reinforce that this is the most intense one.
i was so flustered, i missed the lock a couple of times for both keys.
and i was really freaking out.
finally i turned the knob and stepped in hurriedly.
thank god my mum's at home, and i stared to the open corridor for quite some time, before timidly pulling the gate back into place and locked it.
i was still looking out, i felt something and it's real.
i know it is.
then my mum said i looked as though someone was chasing after me.
i said i felt something behind me, and she's used to me saying that already, since it's not the 1st time - prolly like more than 5.
that was really freaking scary.
like really.
which is why my dad is bringing me to pray for an amulet on monday, even though i am not going to tekong.
i dont know if it works, but whatever happens please dont haunt me.
shit.
edit: I just talked to my mum, and offered some joss sticks. she confirmed that i reached home at almost exactly 12am and it's the start of the 3rd lunar month. And this year, the 古清明 and 新清明 lies on the same date which is on 5th April - my enlistment date. On top of that, i think cck area is well known for it's cemetaries.
Fuck.
I think it's a hint, like how the terrorist attacks, earthquakes and doomsday are supposed to show a correlation. I am damn scared.
I know, Friday is awesome.
because it's the end of the schoolweek and you're technically free to do anything and everything you want.
some people love Friday so much, they have to come up with a song.
and I am gonna be true/judgmental regarding the Youtube/Itunes hit "Friday"~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjFIzWjT5I4
Yes, I have to agree that the song is catchy and it's actually not that bad.
but the quacky voice spoilt everything.
it's freaking irritating, and everyone agrees with me.
the 24% who doesnt are probably under some curse or because you went gaga over R-black accepting your friend request on facebook.
and by the way, it's 89% haters as of today.
I am not sure if the video works because I figured the javascripts myself as embedding was disabled in the original one.
ok nevermind they don't.
but you could hear her sing the national anthem, it's not that crude.
I have never heard/paid attention to the US anthem, but it sounded better than Friday, especially since the duck-element is somehow and somewhat removed.
Plus, there's some serious autotune.
I can differentiate between real/artificial voices, and I believe most people can.
So, to say that you retained most of her voice, it's completely untrue.
I stand by my statement until I find an uneditted copy of her cover, which will prolly agree with me anyways.
and the kids singing with her?
they're either the blinded 11%, or that they're paid to have their reputation in school stripped/slushied.
Yeps, she's definitely not the best singer.
and compared to a baby's wail, she's not the worst.
but for any musician/artiste to have reached 74million views on youtube.
this is, BY FAR AND STILL GONNA BE FAR, the worst singing ever.
in fact, some parodies sounded better than the original.
so what if they autotuned? you did it too so don't complain.
haha, with that, I'd end this post with some of the hate-full/hilarious comments by the flammers.
She made my day, again.
Always Sunny: I wanted to rip out my eye balls and shove them in my ears.
bigbirdrox1: a frick i missed the dislike button!!
Albertopuentes1: my musical farts sound better
Qihao: Her parents actually paid to have this song produced?! Mum, I wanna be famous too, can you fund my Saturday?