barney

2012-01-05T16:09:00.004+08:00

Every single day since his debut on Broadway, I have to be reminded of how great the performance would have been.
And how depressing it is for me to not witness it all.
It's like self-mutilation to the mind for the past days. And tumblr is helping me tide through all these.
I would literally, yes literally, offer my life just to travel to NY and plant my eyes on him throughout the show. And ears, of course. And eyes. When you know you can finally buy yourself a dream, but can't exactly do so because of reasons - That's bollocks.
And they're replacing him with Nick Jonas. God, my love for the Jonas brothers. So paramount that I'd mistaken the Joe for the Nick. What's the other one called again?

How can they not extend his run on H2$.
He should quit Glee and write his own musicals and please for fucking sake come to Singapore to debut his works. But the theatres here suck.
Argh.
Life in the Army. Life in Singapore.

Now life has killed a dream I dreamed.

2011-12-28T18:30:00.003+08:00

Why should I be the one pleasing others?

I'm done with enough of that.

Not that it's my turn now to be crowned the king, but I should at least have my share of expression.

Stooping lower than usual to make up to someone when it's not entirely my fault in the first place, that's just not my thing anymore.

I may once be a pushover.

But now, you make things right.

Try that. Not that easy eh? I've been serving that role all long. All long, till now.

I know that if I went far enough, I wouldn't care anymore.

2011-12-13T16:33:00.003+08:00

Telling people to keep their Decembers free.
And wala.
Fuck it then. I can live my life alone, and it's a great hell of a pleasure.

The kind of relief and content you can never get elsewhere.
It's sorta like feeling that you are finally the pivot of the entire world; the target for spotlights.
Your life becomes a movie about you and woah, for once, I feel like a star to me.

2011-12-09T19:01:00.003+08:00

How can Tanner Patrick not be famous?

His vocals are not the best around but it's fresh in a sense that it's addictive and totally sex for the ears.

Plus, he's got the nicest looking face on youtube.

The eyes, the nose and that voice. And those tiny pricks of facial hair (things that by the looks of it I may never have).

How can life be so unfair.

I am Asian but no good at anything. How can this even?

2011-12-09T13:59:00.003+08:00

Living up to expectations.
Funny how it almost always meant something of higher regard or value.

I expect to not have a leisure getaway until I get much older, and guesses are that it will be a solo trip.
Not that bad ain't it. Besides, alone on foreign ground seems so intriguing is it not?
Have always been so jelly of those with fully stamped passports.
My life just has it that chance and time do not elide into an actuality.
Only able to travel this year and yet I had squandered the opportunities away.
I wanted to backpack the States or UK, but my mum just pshawed and gave a quick standing citing reasons of unfamiliarity and such. All those despite what I explained having guides, forums, gps, and a clear fact that I can converse, albeit not entirely fluent in their accent, in English.
The next year will not be a kind one. And yes that lies the ground of my next expectation.
I guess I can only look forward to the apocalypse which better happen as determined.
A fatalist I am eh, and yet I still expect.
What a loser.

2011-12-06T13:08:00.001+08:00

There is still a point to keep a personal blog, something off tumblr, meant for only those aware of its existence. For when you feel loaded with so much frustrations or misunderstandings and such, you can still unwind somewhere. Not necessarily for anyone to read, of course that would be nice, but when you lie to yourself that this post has reached its intended audience and that they keep complete mum to this, you feel as though you are forgiven maybe even forgotten. But that's a nice feeling ain't it.
As a misanthrope I shouldn't give a damn. Or was it none fucks given that I turn into one?
Man is the worst of any kind.

2011-12-06T07:58:00.002+08:00

Haven't been spending much money on what the society, or anyone but me, defines as necessities.
My mother still provides allowance, but not like it's expended that much or at least the pace it's intended upon.
Come on, judge for all you want, but deep down you long for any surplus of cash coming from them. It feels good in the wallet albeit not wasting them.
30 bucks in notes can last me a couple of weeks. That's how much a spendthrift I am.
So before anyone gets so pissed, or jealous in a sense that includes anger, why I can go around spending on sprees all the time - just saying - I forgo essentials for luxuries.
Because I can. It's my will and that is that, period.
You don't want to compare because beyond this superficial facade, I am actually quite broken inside out. The lifestyle I choose to lead all in all is hell itself.
It's like I am ruining myself, and I mark it a goal to destroy thyself.
Welps, maybe not that much a goal in a sense that such acts are extremely effortless to carry out.
Like every day in camp is a day without food until dinnertime. No necessary expenditure at all.
They sometimes wonder how I can survive without food for, literally, a day for such extended periods of time. Wait till they hear 3. But oh wells, my body adapts well to such situations.
And I should lose that fat face of mine.
For which I crafted a somewhat ingenious plan, or one may say completely foolish, to slim down till 53 or less as deem fit; till a point when I am the very least content and convinced that I don't look like a hamster chewing on seeds.
It's obvious I have always hated how I look.
If I were in any hint attractive, physically, I can't possibly imagine the risks and adventures I'd partake on in the unsaid fashion-offs.
I mean, if you are attractive, things like bowties, braces, neckchains, and (insert anything) will appear nice on you. Impressive, rather.
If you think about it, not spending on food at all means that you only have to account for transport, and having to make only 2 trips a day amounting to possibly a 3 bucks, it then translates close to $350 of disposable allowance a month.
Of course, I make it a point to save half of these monthly inputs. And I really do, which shows that in a way I am still quite Asian. (and I should not be proud of it at all though I must say that I am impressed by my discipline in maintaining this)
And by saving half, I beg myself to make it a point to definitely finish up the remainder. And a recluse I am, with no life to indulge in (oh how much I despise the existence of Life), a hundred over dollars means a lot. That's many cups of starbucks and rounds of shopping.
And I can afford to offer treats - to family and friends alike though I wouldn't really consider the former a treat but rather a rightful doing from my part - because I haven't been spending to the 50/50 margin.
I mean, I must really get this point across that I am not by any chance rich all the time.
In the past, I admit having bitchfully flaunted (which I regret in every single way) wealth as a possession derived from my parents.
But now, I spend most from what I receive as official returns of whatever administrative services I provide at work. So what wrong is that?
My life, my money, and I can do whatever I like to it.
And you can't fault me can you; for I still make it a point to save up while my knowledge somehow has it that peers of my age seem to squander all away somehow someway.

2011-11-25T12:00:00.002+08:00

I feel so lousy missing everyone's birthdays.
I do know this date is your birth-date, I do!
But it's sorta like buried in my subconsciousness. I lose track of time, call it the influence of the army, the Doctor or whatever you like imagining it to be but such affliction is hitting me quite hard. In the face.
I feel really lousy. It's like someone erased the term 'birthday' from my vocabulary.
It's just now when I think back do I realise how many I've missed.
All of them, sorta.
Even my mum's.
I've never thought much of birthdays. But I realise it may mean something to someone. To give some affirmation that people do actually remember you. And it makes me seem superficial now that I've missed a couple of 'em.
It's like my catchphrase saying that it's just another day closer to impending death.
And really, whoever invented birthdays is just some loser.
Making it universal in a sorta way in an attempt to make everyone feel that little bit special since it is 'YOUR' day.
And to the creator of birthdays again, you suck. Have you ever thought that people will compare this birthday to the pasts and to-be?
Conclusion, fuck birthdays. (Not literally, and not that I mean to offend but seriously the whole concept is just screwed)

2011-11-17T15:47:00.002+08:00

What do we live for?
Do I live for my future or do I live to correct my past?
These are not the case.
I live not because I want to live; but because I don't want to not live yet.

2011-09-16T12:44:00.002+08:00

Watched Cyberbully yesterday.
Yes, a family TV movie.
And no not just because Kay Panabaker is in it.
On a sidenote, she is really pretty in her own way.
Not the Megan Fox kind, but just attractive.
I guess, she is sapio-sexy. It's not made known and yet there's just some aura of charisma and intelligence off her.
Did a background check (on wiki as usual), and she'd completed her Bachelors by the age of 18.
See? Totally smart, yet humble and contained.
Total opposite? *thinking of Miley Cyrus*
That aside, it's a really great awesomeliciously fantasticasticmastic movie.
There's depth, it's easy to relate and by that I mean reaaally easy to relate.
Multiple counts of emo sadness which successfully drained some fraction of water from my body; beside my brother which is totally awkward and stuff.
And I fought back but the tears just don't stop.
It's been a hell long time since I had such a satisfying melodramatic experience from a movie.
AND THERE'S KAY PANABAKER IN IT.
So yeah, the movie alone is worth a blog post.
Which is definitely not easy to come by, especially since I am conscripted.
Go catch it, if you're fucking human and still young inside you (and sensitive towards your surroundings), this movie will reach and move you on so many different levels - personal, social, family-al, and media-l.
Totally worth it, and I suppose the only place it's available is either on Funshion or a torrent site.
It's so wonderfulllll.
Ok I should and have to stop.
Garnering sufficient attention in office telling people, directly, that I blog.
Which is not a good thing when in the military since all eyes are on you awaiting for moment of terrible err from which you will receive maximum trolling thereafter.
Bye, have fun.

2011-09-05T21:46:00.003+08:00

Mum said I am not handsome nor ugly but am average.

In an awkward manner.

Great, I am ugly.

While God created the hideous me, he invented a solution to it as well.

Plastic's gonna be my new friend some time in the near future.

Not fair as to why people can be blessed with better things in life, while I, on the other hand can't get what I desire the most.

What a cruel world.

May I die and be reincarnated as Darren Criss. I wouldn't mind dying this instant if I can indeed be his clone in my next-life.

If I don't go to hell, that is.

But I am soooo going there.

#trauma

2011-08-20T09:10:00.003+08:00

Uncertainties in life. Always.

Oh, and doubts - those self-inflicting ones.

It's like looking in the mirror; sometimes you find yourself presentable and then sometimes you'll see a reflection of an ogre.

Or like singing in a comfortable key and find yourself owning the entire song but fall in self-defeat as you fail to comply to Bruno Mars' vocal range.

Or choosing to be locked in a lone miserable world yet yearning for acceptance from external bodies.

Omnipresent killer-dilemmas.

But there's one thing that every sane and analytical person have in common.

They hate their own lives.

Only those who don't think, aka retarded, will argue otherwise.

Because everyone has expectations, but how many lives up to it?

When you finally grasps hold of it, it automatically elevates to a new height anyways.

Wanna know why I love tumblr so much?

Most of the people there are like me.

Dejected, willing outcasts of the society.

Because this society is too judgmental and stereotypical.

In a bad way.

You are almost never praised for being who you are, yet being shot down for what you not be.

So tumblr is a getaway where all these people come together, find your own circle of outcasts, and share messages or gifs that reflect what you truly think and feel.

Those funny and LOL-inducing gifs play a role in a sad tumblr user's online life as well.

They are therapeutic in a sense that they relief you of most if not all self-defeating thoughts.

For just a few moments. But that's enough.

At least there's some time for you to forget all those satanic voices surfacing in your mind.

I hate how people, including myself, prescribe self-comfort as panacea for bad times; as if it's rightfully correct and curative.

Oh I've gotten an E for Chemistry. Nahhhh, at least half of the class' gotten an E anyways.

Heh, I've spilled my cup of coffee. Nahhhh, at least it's content didn't land on my shirt.

Oh damn, I didn't finish my homework. Nahhhh, she probably won't remember collecting it from me anyways.

HEY, the second half of these statements doesn't correct your mistakes do they?

But this is human nature, is it not?

Which is exactly why I despise the human race.

It's not wrong for you to find relief for psychological or emotional burdens, but more often than not, it's just temporary and it does not correct your mistake.

Pathetic muggles.

Face it, gotten an E? Strive for an A.

Spilled your coffee? Clean up and be extra careful next time.

Didn't finish your homework? Be honest, apologise and remember to complete it on time thereafter.

But it's difficult to do so. Because they are commitments, and like what people say "rules are meant to be broken", commitments are meant to be abandoned.

Moreover, commitments are like Satan's reincarnation.

They inflict fear and deterrence.

Commitorum Metus, or Commitment Phobia, has been scientifically proven to be present since the 1980s.

Science = Nature, so you can't blame us for fearing commitment can you?

See? Another self-comforting effort.

Good job, mankind.

2011-08-12T17:33:00.002+08:00

Argh, those irritating blogwalkers are like parasites on my tagboard.
Well, that aside, it's been some time since I've last blogged.
I don't really have much time to indulge in this past passion as I spent most of them dozing and shutting down from this world.
But there was this thought, out of the blue, that struck me while I was walking back home.

Will I ever be desperate for love?
Hmmmm, I'm not gonna lie. When I see a pair of lovebirds strutting down the street like it's rightfully theirs', my face do turn green.
If they are ah-tiongs; green with disgust. Otherwise, I do get quite envious of people who truly appreciate and love one another.
Philophobic is a word designed for me.
I do long for that extra comfort and belonging, but at the same time unless it lasts (which it obviously doesn't - thanks to media and surrounding breakups), I won't accept less say initiate a proposed try-out.
That's probably why I'd probably stay a probably lonely and probably posh lifestyle.
Nevermind if you don't get the posh part, but yes I do not see myself in a relationship at all.
Fear of commitment that doesn't extend and is not reciprocated accordingly.
I've read somewhere that Taurus is a constellation of sincere and true lovers that one should not leave.
I sorta agree. If there were that other one, IF, I can foresee true and wholesome devotion from my part. Aiyah, there won't be one lah.
I've told kn before that should a female double of myself be present, I'd never fall in love with myself.

Oh shit here comes the bragging. *warning*
Surprisingly, there're people whom have hinted/liked me before!
I am puzzled to the max. Like a 10,000-piece puzzle set forming a constellation of stars - that kind of puzzled.
Physically a scrawny plain John, and my personality doesn't exactly rock/stand out.
I still don't get it.
Heh, let me share about my 1st love.
AT 5 YEARS OLD. There was this girl called Rachel Ma whom happened to be enrolled into the same kindergarten as I was. She's sweet and pretty and I don't know why but perhaps due to the influence of Channel 8 dramas I actually said those 3 words.
AND SHE SAID ME TOO.
Eh gosh I am blushing now.
It's just natural I guess, but back then, everyone was so childish and all (literally), so I doubt I'd consider it a true relationship as I look back now.
We held hands and even kissed once. On the lips, just slightly.
Whoa memorable.
At least I wasn't fat in kindergarten. If she'd seen me in Primary 5, she'd probably run away.
Welps, she moved away and I'd never seen her again.
But I wasn't heartbroken, possibly because Channel 8 dramas didn't teach me that I ought to be so.
Given my oversized + upsized state in primary school, there was this one girl who seemed to hate me.
During a class gathering years later, she confessed that she did have feelings for me for those 2 years. I was completely shocked and stared blankly towards the waters along ECP. Come to think of it, I indeed gave no reply and just continued sitting there enjoying the night breeze, oh and a RAT.
ECP has rats, be careful.
Then in ngee ann, there were a few people.
I think being in SC somehow made me a little more popular. (and hated as well)
Then in JC, there was one and I sorta regret it now.
She's really nice and all, but oh wells.
Philophobic syndrome - must be.
And there's the taiwanese also.
Sorry I don't mean to brag whatsoever.
I mean, it's good for me to recollect that I have some appeal.
OK WAIT DELETE THAT STATEMENT IN YOUR MIND, it's good for my future children (if any at all), to look through this and realise that their Dad is not a slut. I still wish to die by 40 though.
And like I always said, when I revisit my blog's archives, at least I can laugh over how retarded and childish I was back then.
This would be one of those more joy-inspiring articles.
Articles that sometimes make me feel a little (once) wanted.

2011-07-05T15:59:00.001+08:00

Harry Potter is overrated.
Cats are overrated.
Love is overrated.
Menstruation is overrated.
Lady Gaga is overrated.
Glee is overrated.
So what?
As long as it's on Tumblr, I love them, regardless of it's ratings.

2011-07-03T12:55:00.002+08:00

On emo days, tumblr doesn't appear on any of my tabs.
I am so damn pissed at my dad.
The market's under renovation and there's no vacant stalls to resume operations and thus he started working from home.
Initially, I was perfectly fine with that.
Until my assumptions went haywire.
12am - 2am : arrival of imports and grinding of meat
11am - 1pm : another round of mincing and chopping
I need to live with this routine for the next year.
In the past, when he's resting during office hours due to the unusual operating times, we minimise all potential stimuli that can awake them from their slumber.
Now, I have a brother studying for his O levels, and I am about to start my preparations for the 2nd As.
Great, we're gonna be deprived of sleep and have our studies disrupted during peak hours.
Please take note that we have neighbours too, and that we have to live up to the stench, hygiene, and noise.
This is the 1st time in 8 years since we've moved in, that I've seen flies.
Really?
I would have kept my cool until he opened his mouth.
Demanding, unreasonable, unthoughtful, domineering and offensive.
Directed towards my mum.
She's helping you dude, she's not your maid.
I've always disliked him.
My cousin once told me that she was in a same situation.
That anger and intolerance towards her dad that's almost never appeased.
She said that as time passed, things changed for the better and their relationship improved.
I was quite confident when I said that my case's different.
I still am.
He does not know my birthday, my age, my school, my results, my life, my everything.
Likewise, I make no point to understand him and his activities.
One phone call to a customer at work forms more words than he'd ever speak to me in a year.
He's quiet but definitely not soft nor softspoken.
Once his blabberbox opens, which only does rather rarely, offensive and uncaring statements are released.
And I get so damn pissed at that.
家家有本难念的经, I know that.
Given that this scripture is written in a foreign language, and we are not gonna translate for one another, I believe the result becomes rather obvious.
Throughout these 19 years, no one's ever shown me the way to an ideal father.
No one's ever guided me, as a guy, through adolescence and adulthood.
It's left to my experimentation.
How I am supposed to act as a guy, to talk to other people, and to not end up like him.
I have no idea if I've missed out on any important component in my upbringing, but till now, I don't give a damn anymore.
Missing out for close to 2 decades, it's as good as permanent absence.
I've told my mum before; Caring for me doesn't equate to providing me with all material needs, wants and riches.
If that is the only thing you provide for me, when I grow up, Ima just pass a thousand a month for your living expenses - nothing else.
Ionno why but I feel as though I have noone to rely on.
I can't rely on anyone for I fear of myself being a disappointment worth their withdrawal from my life.
I depend on myself.
Me and my emo shit.
Please let me die at 40, I'd have lived life to my fullest (regrets).
This is illogical but if God is present at all, grant me this and I'd believe in you.
And I don't mind going to hell.
I should go to hell and not be reincarnated for such misery again.
I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me.

2011-07-02T22:56:00.002+08:00

About a month's time before those girls meet the desperate guys.
About a month's time before I, should, completely give up on sharing this life with the others.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one without any other friend and need to cling onto the best bunch of people I've ever met.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just so that my life's not occupied by anything at all; unlike others who are never free.
Trust me, sometime soon, I'd not give a damn anymore.
And trust me, very soon, I'd have lost interest in everything.
I am actually glad that the K sessions were non-existent.
Because time proves to be the best treatment for impulses.
I think I understand how those heartbroken people feel after their shattered relationships.
You tell yourself to let go, but those glorious pasts don't allow you to.
Regardless and eventually, you'd cross that barrier and proceed with life.
Moreover, it's a proven fact that I can live my life myself.
Just a wincy bit more.
I don't need to stoop low to make myself appear desperate and unwanted.
As much as I value them, it does not seem to be reciprocated.
And I have lived up to my promises.
I indeed did not organise anything for 2 weeks.
I am merely relaying the messages of the initiators.
If people are hard to get, I can make myself one of them.
It's 11.11pm, and supposedly, someone is thinking of me.
Right, more like everyone's in my head.
On 4th July, I will start studying.
Engaged full-time, and unavailable.
I am one pissed man.
Have fun with your own lives, people.
Adios.

2011-06-23T18:49:00.002+08:00

Donkeys don't feel bad, at all.
As a personnel on duty, I am under obligations to withdraw last making sure that the facility is secured, proper and somewhat sterilized.
The thing is, I acknowledge that and yes I will complete my task with due integrity and responsibility.
The other thing is, some people, or perhaps donkeys too, delay your trip back home-sweet-home.
And it's as though they're given the privilege and authority to do so.
I understand that some may encounter difficulty completing outstanding assignments.
That's cool, I can totally understand that and even offer my assistance if our workscope overlaps.
But geez, this someone is sorta like doing OT - the stuff that is not required in your day's load.
Correction - Extensive OT.
If anyone were to wait for me to knock off, I would be extremely embarrassed and sorry. As compensation, it's right for me to assume his duties and make sure it's executed well.
Now, beyond the time spent for this post, I am waiting for someone to finish OT at normal pay.
It's 7pm and I am usually dismissed at 5.30pm.
Perhaps try to spare a thought for others?
You are commanding extra pay for the time spent post-office-hours.
I am selfish, but what about me?
I am not given another $4 worth of my services within this same period.
And I am, made sure, utilized/excavated to the core because unfortunately, this is an obligation.
Thanks a lot. At least all but one understands my plight and tries to rush through and leave earlier.
I appreciate their effort.
Oh and I finally hear the deng-deng-deng-deng.
That's the audio when windows shut down.
Yay, am I the only one left on Earth who finds such actions unbearable?
arghhh

2011-06-17T22:21:00.003+08:00

Cancelling the K = me singing non stop at home.
It's sorta like a compensation since I've been taking care of my voice the entire week and was completely anticipating all the fun and pop and country.
Oh wells, 15 songs on the current playlist.
A mix of not-exactly-classic classics and fresh pop.
Christina Perry, Shontelle, Jessie J, Gaga, Kathy Beth Terry, Adele and Taylor Swift are the tops of that chart.
Taylor Swift needs to come to Singapore for another concert.
Missing the 1st one is like the bigggggest regret in my life.
I'd go for Adele's one too.
And prolly Gaga's.
But Gaga will probably be too expensive.
You are literally paying for the avant-garde flamboyance and buttpalms.
Seriously, the buttpalm was damn sexy and stylish.
She may not be as great as some other singers, but she is a performer.
She makes sure she does her best on stage, and gives in everything to deliver that oomph.
We can obviously see that passion burn and devour the entire stage.
You don't need to be the best.
Just devote, believe and enjoy.
That's what she's been doing and should continue doing.
People think I am obsessed with her, and has become enslaved as another crazy little monster.
But just look at every live performance.
That aura of professionalism just overwhelms the audience.
Every single time; even behind computer screens.
Of course you need to be of a certain standard to be able to sing and not turn horny people off.
Trust me, there are people whom once opens their mouth, unleash all evil.
Their mouth is like a pandora box.
YOU MAKE SURE THEY NEVER GET THE KEY, OR ELSE.
OR ELSE I'D MAKE SURE I KILL YOU ALONG WITH THAT THING. THAT THING.
Right, I guess karma comes back around, cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah.

2011-06-15T07:28:00.004+08:00

There is a reason why I usually blog when cranky or fed up.
I mean, if you are enjoying your wonderful life somewhere somewhat, then why would you be blogging anyway.
I'd rather resume that life and not waste a single bit away on this not-exactly-time-consuming but still a dumping ground for the most prized possession - time.
Which is thus the reason I frequent this time/land-fill so much.

I seriously don't feel like doing anything with anyone anymore.
Just come up with some itinerary for an aloof, dejected individual.
Alone, I don't need to care if anyone else has time.
I don't need to care if anyone else bothers about the distance.
I don't need to care if anyone else bothers about the people who are going.
I don't need to care if anyone else bothers about what I intend to do.
I don't need to care about anyone at all.
Just myself. Because I am entirely sick and tired of caring.
I am a fucking bitch.
Like seriously.
Not literally though.
I say what people want to hear.
That it doesn't matter. No problem. It's ok. I don't wanna anyways.
But the thing is, it's not ok.
I don't even know why I said so.
I really don't know.
I was trying to think of the reason for the past 5 minutes.
Because it's the right thing to do so?
Maybe, oh wells.

2011-06-01T14:50:00.003+08:00

Let's just say that being a bitch and a professional is mutually exclusive.
Unless I am given substantial incentive to not blabber and share inside tabloid with the rest of the world.
Ok maybe not the rest of the world, but my dear friends and family already form 98% of this galactic rubble I belong to.
Don't get me wrong, it's like a rubble because the edges are flawed and uncertain and only that.
Nothing stays constant, or you can say that everything is ever-changing.
These relationships with the people I appreciate transforms with time.
We were once strangers, not even bothering to make any eye contact with one another.
A do-without in our lives.
Then, I don't know if it's a chat, or some physics maniac may say it's a force of attraction between any 2 mass, that drew all of us closer.
Somewhat somehow, things start to change.
Lunch dates were initiated; pillars were formed, I mean human-pillars; and then there were movies, and chalets and shopping and games.
But waking up to realisation, if you haven't already done so, it's not these activities that are important in our lives (let me exclude riches here, it's fucking important too).
It's not even the shitload of crap and illogical crabs we talk about all the time.
It's the presence.
The mere presence of these people - this group of people who stays for you and remembers you for who you are.
And even who you really are, understanding that everyone's bound to have some compartments within our hearts and minds that are better made private and unknown.
They accompany like an accompaniment.
In sad symphonies, there's always this strong, steady and supportive bass that will guide the melody to greater dynamics and emotions.
Even in marches, there's accompaniment to make sure you don't stray and go out of tempo.
You may be wondering what's this post all about.
Is it another bitchy ass talking about the greater meaning to life?
Or some guy who thinks he knows everything?

It's not.
This is an appreciative note to everyone in my life, who has in someway or another, left a trampoline behind for me to jump on (like those in doodle jump), and propel me onwards. It may not necessary to a higher platform (where aliens are) than where I was, but at least you prevent me from falling low.
A googol of thanks to you.
Hey, I know you are horny so let me rephrase.
A ten thousand sexdecillion of thanks to you.

2011-05-21T02:29:00.003+08:00

I'd recommend Nineteen Minutes to all bullies in this world, and that's how much I wish Sing You Home can extend to the homophobes within our society.
Yet the thing is, you can't get an American to read a CSC textbook and, likewise, a Chinaman to read any of Jodi Picoult's titles.
Bullies reading anti-bully prints? That's probably the end of the world.
Which is why there will be no end to such deviant acts.
And if you've read these 2 books, this "deviant" ain't tagged on a murderous nerd or a misplaced teenager or a gay couple. Instead, it's on the people who victimise the minority as though they haven't had enough frustrations of their own.
Imagine if you wake up to a world of exact opposites.
Where girls assume dominance; where popular kids turn into outcasts; where autism is the norm; where being straight becomes a sin; or where parents take on no role in the family.
Imagine that.
How are you going to face this foreign world for the rest of your forever?
Everyday, someone reminds you that you're weird and mocks you for that.
Sometimes, that someone can be your supposed friend.
Sometimes, that someone is youself.
You are not accepted by others.
You are not special, just abnormal.
Nerds/emos/autistic adults/gays are abnormal.
That's how people look at things.
But the thing is, are they really that different?
They still love their family and friends, and probably even more than an average Joe would, because it means everything to them.
Because they are afraid.
Afraid that they'd lose them, all of them, when they realise their 'abnormality', even if they've never planned to give it away.
The irony is, this shroud of secrecy prevents them from getting nearer, closer and true to their loved ones.
And it's not easy to live your secret life alone.
Especially if it's complicated to start with.
Next time, just think on behalf of them.
What if you're ugly, autistic, gay, emo, nerd, depressed, black or jewish?
And people look at you from the corner of their eyes, and snorts and struts away.
And finding all eyes on you, even if it may not be the case.
I am scared of eyeballs, aren't you?

2011-05-15T00:30:00.002+08:00

Religion is a fanciful word.
I mean, not only is it interesting, people literally fancy it.
And I know, that being in this island means that we need to be really careful with words, and I don't wanna offend anyone anyways.
I respect people who look up to a greater someone, believing in a being that is always there for you, guiding your way, taking care of you.
Everyone needs some form of spiritual/emotional support and religion is a great way of achieving them.
When life sucks, you need to know that it's all gonna get better.
When life rocks, you want to know that someone is responsible for it.
What's different is this:
An atheist will think that life sucks/rocks because you made it so.
You work for your own destiny.
I have no idea what other people, with their faiths, think of this.
Do they give full credit, of their lives, to God?
It's great to have a religion, but it's just not my thing.
Obsession irks me.
I just wanna say that, if you do not belong to any religion, please respect others with their respective faiths and beliefs.
And to those who prays to God, any God, ALL THE MORE should you respect everyone else.
Conversion can be quite offensive, if you want people to honour your God, please do the same to others. Such things are mutual.
I am quite sure I'd stay an atheist for life.

2011-05-05T19:55:00.007+08:00

Politics, right.
According to everyone, I am supposed to be part of the 100% of youths who are apathetic to whatever the government is doing.
When you cast such stereotypes on us, do we rebut or should we just play along?
The thing is, there is no need for us to even attempt to make a connection with politics.
We are like Biliebers on the ground floor of a 100-storey architecture, trying to scream and command the attention of the teenage sensation at the very top.
Even if he notices that small dot from the skies, he's never gonna catch your message.
So, I tell myself, why bother?
Because we are not the passive lot who stops on the 1st floor; we ascend, even if it takes ages, to make ourselves be heard.

I know that PAP has modelled Singapore into what we are today.
No doubt they deserve our respect for that.
But significant changes were observed in the early stages of independence and reconstruction.
Now, honestly, I don't see anything.
All those economic policies and overheating treatment are things we've learnt in Economics.
Maybe they're more complex then what we received in print, but I do believe that there are directives for these problems to be solved.
After all, these are recurring issues aren't they?

I belong to the Aljunied GRC, and have only seen the MP 3-4 times in my life.
All when I went to receive scholarships/bursaries from him.
I've been hearing people saying that MPs reach out to the heartlanders and truely understand how and what the people are experiencing in the district.
I know you can't possibly attend to every household under this constituency, but sometimes, I really wonder if anything is done to address our requests.
Ok, we didn't really ask for anything.
I am one of those people waiting for the government to serve me.
And we are short of carpark lots, and please not make this place a dumping ground for foreign nationals.
Noone likes to live by hostels that home packs of foreign labour.
Hygiene becomes a problem, and people don't feel secured.
Especially with those hack-and-slash/robbery cases in recent news, I try not to get home too late.
I've been here for almost 10 years and in this period I've seen an additional playground to the other two some 5-minute walk away; Demolish and construction of new overhead bridges on the exact some spot - I don't even see why there's a need for that; and a decorative tomb-like craft rooted to the ground around the corner into the district.
Am I happy with that?
Maybe you are, but not me.
It's not like I can vote, but this is my two cents worth.

Some are saying that the opposition will never be the ones calling the shots for Singapore.
But why not?
I mean, even if they don't, their addition serves as a 'motivation' for PAP to work harder to gain the trust and allegiance of the citizens.
Monopolies tend to be complacent because they have no rivals and competition.
With opposition in the Parliament, you can't afford to be complacent or risk being voted out the next election.
And if they are never given the chance to display their potential, then you'd never know if they can do this right.
We always talk about second chances, but before we get to that, can we grant them their very first first?

When you are comfortable with what you have, you don't want change.
Because we fear that change will confiscate the satisfaction we enjoy.
But with no change, you stay where you are.
You won't lose what you've been clinging onto, but it also means that there's no room for ascension, for you to achieve much more, and enjoy that much more.
Of course, there may be bad changes.
But until then, we can let them try can't we?
They have the qualifications, and the relevant experience in their respective fields.
Given the same amount of resources, I believe that they will do their best to bring the best to us.
PAP does too, but the system you created rewards merit, and sadly merit only/mostly.
When we don't see what you do, the belief we once held erodes away.
All parties, do portray your merits and good luck.

2011-04-25T00:52:00.003+08:00

And so, i received the official letter, by SMU, to congratulate me.
yes i am happy, but not the jubilant kind where you jump on the spot and scream YES 3 times.
i still want business.
i went to google the bachelor degree.
and it's oversubscribed 17 times.
which means that 6% of the people who applied got into SMU FASS.
last year, 135 people were accepted.
and it's a supposed 'dumping ground' for the business rejects.
that makes me one of those being dumped.
and i should be grateful.
because being 1 out of 135 aint an effortless task.
and there's a 20% chance that friends who got into FASS will share the same classroom with me.
i guess i got really lucky, and somewhat made the interview an enjoyable and intelligent one.
i also went to google on SMU's school-life.
coming from SMU seniors themselves, i can sense that competition is really tough.
but hey that's where i really perform.
i think my genes were incorporated with a quality, such that i 遇强则强, 遇弱则弱.
class participation = nightmare where people just ramble about irrelevant stuffs.
just because it forms a component of your GPA.
but i just have to make sure i dont transform into one of these fiends.
people who are going into SMU, please do take note because i have experienced something like this before.
dont pin high hopes for SMU, thinking that it'll be a paradise that assures you the best life, and encounters.
while there will definitely be tonnes of eye candies and really great acquaintances, you will be disappointed if you enter with preposterous demands from this school.
due of your overestimation, nothing's bound to satisfy your want for the perfect school.
just like what happened to VJ, and i/you'll end up hating it.
i do believe that it's the best university in singapore, because unlike what the disgustingly blind suckers look at, i ignore the academia partially and cherish the people in there, and the people leaving it.
Yes, you need nerds to run the professional world.
but without the socially capable people putting on smiles and doing the gracious, polite and welcoming acts, this world sucks.
and this world is becoming interconnected, it doesnt work to have a havard graduate sitting in front of the computer whole day generating millions from pixels.
you need to meet people and conduct personal deals; work with people.
that's how the millions become billions.
and when people like you, money comes flowing in.
of course, people start turning green but kindness is contagious.
at least i think it is, and enemies become allies.
ok, maybe i am too naive.
but i dislike most of the people from NUS and NTU.
because the impression is that they are narrow-minded, fake, and have terrible clothes.
you dont need gucci wallets or burberry bags, but wear something affordable and presentable.
dressing is important, if you dont bother to dress smart in public it shows that you have no respect for the people you're meeting.
YOU BECOME AN EYESORE.
like one of those chinese nationals wearing pajamas at orchard? yes.
be presentable and people will respect you, sometimes even fear you.
oh, i like going to town because i can see lots of guys carrying totes.
after so many years, it finally became normal to do so.

2011-04-20T19:45:00.002+08:00

Halfway through the 3rd week and there's some preparation for the coming performance.
there was this guy within the group, who titled this entity as a 'fucking failure'.
hey, even when people can't pick themselves up and contribute, this is not the ideal answer.
in fact, it's almost the worst.
disheartened we were, i have to say that it made the atmosphere darken with dissatisfaction and hidden anger.
ionno if you'd been a leader before, but being domineering doesn't grant the right to shut everyone/everything down and expressing you and and only your voice.
the world revolves around a central burning star, not you.
we still managed to get things done, thanks to a couple of motivated and interested individuals.
in times like this, the capable elites will shine above the rest.
they may not be the most intelligent, but they have the character and charisma that influence and inspire.
command with respect; that's what i mean.
i have been really quiet, but at least i keep everything to myself and not let the floodgates open to overwhelm the crowd with vulgarities and discontent.
maybe i haven't contributed as much, but hey, judge me for all you want for i only have 6 days left with you.
and i dont really care.
actually, nothing matters as long as there's music and a print to engage me.
so much for my 19th.
thank you, for showing me that there's more to worse than the worst and that there's more to anything you see.
those fronts, facades and whatever you call that;
i'm glad i wasnt trapped, or wounded.
i guess that makes a good birthday gift after all.

How to stay alone, uninterrupted.

2011-04-15T01:22:00.002+08:00

9 days have passed, and there's 10 more.
which somewhat makes me halfway through this marathon.
i have never been so desperate for home; feeling so close yet so far, and there's conflict between taking the luxury cab or that inferior bus.
i guess that's what happens when you are far away, alone, and has no music.
seriously, with no shuffling playlist my mind just go booms.
quoting from Jodi Picoult,
"His pulse is a military tattoo."
Right, on so many levels, it's true.

Somehow, being in the west translated to me meeting weirdos on the return ride, every single day.
there's this nonchalant lady who brought a sack of durians on board.
an extremely rude uncle who keeps staring at me, and hurriedly shifts back when i peered over; he punched a guy into his seat. i was like, wtf?
an explosive snorer.
a toddler, like those from a kindergarten, blasting music from her phone.
a guy whom i eavesdropped on, and got to know that he fell out with his clique because he is insensitive and still doesn't get it. trust me, he has the annoying aura.
some young adult mumbling/singing alien-ese every few minutes.

i seriously think that i am becoming judgmental.
for reasons that.. never mind.
i have been excluding myself from their collective world.
and i thought i'd explain how i go about doing that.

1. Never initiate a Hello/conversation.
2. Don't share until asked.
3. Never try to get into a conversation.
4. Look straight whenever possible, not giving a damn to the people surrounding you.
5. Give the dao look
6. Be a conversational full stop.

i've been through these 9 days alone, and am perfectly fine/sane.
i'm not intending to change any of that.
there's no need to, really.
you'd understand only if you've been through this.
because from what i understand, a good friend of mine has been through this exact thing.
i do feel how and what he felt.
it's different, that's all i can say.
don't judge, because you can't.
otherwise you'd be judging yourself if you're in the same plight.

2011-04-06T21:55:00.003+08:00

i shall not use the word blessed.
no idea if i am lucky/unfortunate coz it's a whirlwind of events and happenings that made little sense to me.
so till now, i'm still confused.
i mean yes, it's really easy on us if you're talking about the physical aspect but the journey your state of mind goes through is beyond words.
it's like working for Paul again, there's nothing for you to do and you literally stoned the entire day and still return home beat down.
and from the counsellor's 'speech', i sorta have anxiety problems!
there're issues mixing around too since i cant find any common topic.
i mean, if you want me to open up, i need at least one person who appreciates ANY of the following:
Glee
Gaga
Fringe
No Ordinary Family
Rebecca Black
Pop
R & B
Fred Perry or any fashion labels.
and there're prolly some other perks, but hey i've yet to find anyone like me.
i think that they think that i am too cool for them or something, or was it my face.
people used to say that my face = fierce when i don't smile = not around friends

OH YES, the 1st day is like a fashion parade to people of the like.
but the sad thing is that none of them fell in my sub-group, so i can't walk up to anyone and tell them that they had pretty shoes.
and i feel that the better schools are being 'eyed' at.
we often joke around being from DHS, but this gives a different feeling.
Plus, they make me feel that since i am gifted with this great mind of my own.
i should just work that little bit to earn my As back.
some people just dont have the privilege - i do, and should appreciate it.
this entire thing makes me better after all.
but being sandwiched between smokers is no joke, though i put on a front and play mr nice.
i am so fake i ought to be condemned haha.
there are people who behave as though they deserve more than this.
and some, like me, who dont believe in forging any friendship here.
and others who are louder in nature.
oh and the unnecessary profanities to express humour.
i mean it, vulgarities = humour here.
and i am trying my best not to be inspired at all.
during my interview with my cute in-charge, i told him everything frankly.
"it's boring at times, yet funny with the unnecessary profanities."
it's not harsh at all, and i am trying my best to do my job well.
after all, i am paid.
and please, i try to make everything sound as ambiguous and friendly, so unless you hate me that much, try to keep them to a reasonable crowd.
thanks

2011-04-02T23:51:00.005+08:00

Omg i think i got tailed by a ghost.
Sometimes i get this feeling that something is around.
When friends crawl up on me, most of the time i can tell that they're already behind me.
it's sorta like my 6th sense or something.
you can call it paranoia if you like, but i've gotten my fair share of encounters.
When i feel something, i feel something.
it's like how blind people can tell that you're around them, it's an instinct.
so everything was fine, i haven't been thinking about anything paranormal in nature.
then suddenly, after the lift doors closed, and after ascending passed the 4th floor or something i felt an existence.
the insecurity was overwhelming, it's been a very very long time since i felt this.
it's almost satanic and i was looking around, like seriously all around me while i picked into my wallet and dug for my keys.
i always prepare my keys in the lift, because i know that i felt this existence on multiple occasions.
i have to reinforce that this is the most intense one.
i was so flustered, i missed the lock a couple of times for both keys.
and i was really freaking out.
finally i turned the knob and stepped in hurriedly.
thank god my mum's at home, and i stared to the open corridor for quite some time, before timidly pulling the gate back into place and locked it.
i was still looking out, i felt something and it's real.
i know it is.
then my mum said i looked as though someone was chasing after me.
i said i felt something behind me, and she's used to me saying that already, since it's not the 1st time - prolly like more than 5.
that was really freaking scary.
like really.
which is why my dad is bringing me to pray for an amulet on monday, even though i am not going to tekong.
i dont know if it works, but whatever happens please dont haunt me.
shit.

edit: I just talked to my mum, and offered some joss sticks. she confirmed that i reached home at almost exactly 12am and it's the start of the 3rd lunar month. And this year, the 古清明 and 新清明 lies on the same date which is on 5th April - my enlistment date. On top of that, i think cck area is well known for it's cemetaries.
Fuck.
I think it's a hint, like how the terrorist attacks, earthquakes and doomsday are supposed to show a correlation. I am damn scared.

2011-04-02T10:00:00.003+08:00

I know, Friday is awesome.
because it's the end of the schoolweek and you're technically free to do anything and everything you want.
some people love Friday so much, they have to come up with a song.
and I am gonna be true/judgmental regarding the Youtube/Itunes hit "Friday"~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjFIzWjT5I4

Yes, I have to agree that the song is catchy and it's actually not that bad.
but the quacky voice spoilt everything.
it's freaking irritating, and everyone agrees with me.
the 24% who doesnt are probably under some curse or because you went gaga over R-black accepting your friend request on facebook.
and by the way, it's 89% haters as of today.
I am not sure if the video works because I figured the javascripts myself as embedding was disabled in the original one.
ok nevermind they don't.
but you could hear her sing the national anthem, it's not that crude.
I have never heard/paid attention to the US anthem, but it sounded better than Friday, especially since the duck-element is somehow and somewhat removed.
Plus, there's some serious autotune.
I can differentiate between real/artificial voices, and I believe most people can.
So, to say that you retained most of her voice, it's completely untrue.
I stand by my statement until I find an uneditted copy of her cover, which will prolly agree with me anyways.
and the kids singing with her?
they're either the blinded 11%, or that they're paid to have their reputation in school stripped/slushied.
Yeps, she's definitely not the best singer.
and compared to a baby's wail, she's not the worst.
but for any musician/artiste to have reached 74million views on youtube.
this is, BY FAR AND STILL GONNA BE FAR, the worst singing ever.
in fact, some parodies sounded better than the original.
so what if they autotuned? you did it too so don't complain.
haha, with that, I'd end this post with some of the hate-full/hilarious comments by the flammers.
She made my day, again.

Always Sunny: I wanted to rip out my eye balls and shove them in my ears.

bigbirdrox1: a frick i missed the dislike button!!

Albertopuentes1: my musical farts sound better

Qihao: Her parents actually paid to have this song produced?! Mum, I wanna be famous too, can you fund my Saturday?

2011-03-30T16:16:00.003+08:00

i had this dream last night/this morning.
THAT I GOT ON AMERICAN IDOL!
i have no idea how, but i've lived a lucid dream again.
i missed the auditions, and was at Chinatown in the USA i guess - since it's full of asians and the lighting is so not Singaporean.
and again i have no idea how, but i met Simon Cowell.
the irony is, he's already out of the idol show.
and so i said "i missed the auditions and can i please have a chance at this?"
i know right, i actually said that.
he gave me a weird look and told me to meet at this chinese restaurant tomorrow evening.
of course, i turned up and sang Forget You by Cee Lo
in front of Simon Cowell, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler.
come to think of it, there's no Randy, and i prolly hated Paula too much that she's out of my dream/mind.
i still remember that Jennifer Lopez is sitting in the middle.
and it's a round table so i just stood at the opposite end where they're seated at and sang.
and they gave me 3 YES-ES!
i was soooooooo happy, i woke up.
that's the most ridiculous dream ever.
and is it just me, or it's just so that in dreams, your location is perfectly random.
Audition at Chinatown restaurant? really?
and Cowell's surprisingly friendly.
what a dream, lol.

2011-03-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

I have never quite posted anything like this yet, so i thought that i should.
to sorta like come clean with myself.
or leave another footprint so i can play detective in the future.
so yeps, i got a temporary PES E.
and i dont get what's so significant/insignificant about that.
it's not about friends but more of a family kind of thing.
just some time ago, i cant recall the actual date and time but there was this family gathering - my grandma's birthday dinner.
it's never been dreadful, in fact i love such experiences.
the thing is, people have different views when it comes to me being a c.l.e.r.k.
i am not particularly proud of such a vocation, and hey i am not given ANY choice over it.
some of them wishes for their sons to enlist as a clerk, i mean that's perfectly fine.
but noone's been sensitive to what i am going through.
i mean, i've never given much thought to it anyways but it's this lot of people who've made me done so.
i know it sounds like an easy task, especially if you put it next to PES A commando training eh?
but i feel judged.
they didnt put it straight out, and not all of them did.
i just wanna say that i didnt sign up for this, wait i did, but not out of my own will.
if you think that i am a pussy just because i am going to be an office clerk while the other normal men goes training and sweating in the fields, then so be it.
so just shoo and stop judging people.
i am not going to be a loser just because i am a clerk.
especially since i didnt sign up for one.

2011-03-22T14:48:00.006+08:00

Just came back from the last post-LASIK consultation, with 6/6 in both eyes.
but the doctor was in awe again, for my eyelashes are fantastic - in a bad way.
it's long for a guy, and yes i never trim it (we are not supposed to trim our eyelashes right?)
but length is not the gist.
it's where these lashes are attracted to.
yes, wala, my eyes.
it's forever pointing down, and for your information it's much longer than it seems because a fraction of it is hidden under my eyelids.
since the strands of eye-hair inevitably pricks on my eyes, corneal cells may be damaged.
in severe cases, it results in infections and scarring.
but what i am concerned most is, astigmatism.
astig is a refractive error caused by irregularities on the surface structure of the eye.
an astig-free eye is perfectly spherical, but one diagnosed with astig is usually oblong, like an american football.
wait i am digressing again.
astig = light cant bend and focus perfectly due to a flawed corneal surface.
flawed, whereby it's not completely smooth but in the case i am trying to refer to, sandpaper-ish.
this sandpaper effect is achieved, in prolonged periods, by the war between my eyelashes and cornea.
and the eyelashes always win, because it's so freaking long and it pricks my eyeball while my eye can't retaliate and it can do nothing but ummm, cry. i know right, pathetic little eyes.
let me illustrate it better; sorry but this post is so choppy.
you poke a slice of aloe vera with a needle.
while you cant see the indentations, it's there, and it takes time to heal.
and if healing is impaired, it becomes a scar - one that you cant see.
ironic right, a scar that is never noticed.
thus astig! and astig = glasses.
so however girlish it may be, i gonna be using an eyelash curler and continue to put on eyedrops.
because, my drooping eyelids (medically termed "entropion") will cost me another $3000-$7000 for a correction by some senior plastic surgeon.
and i am not going for another cosmetic surgery, prior to the LASIK one, anytime soon.
i may get a nosejob/eyelid-job/eyebag-job/facial-fat-job in the future though.
KIDDING, but i just may.
we'd never know what's coming at us, even if we try deciphering it in any way.
omg i shall do another mini post.
fringe said this which i shared on facebook.

Nothing just happens. Every event has a message - you just have to lean close enough to hear it.

I do believe that there are "observers" in this world who have planned our lives in some way.
what's for dinner, and what i am going to type next.
nothing just happens you know, whether if you've flunged your As or gotten 2.2 for GPA.
it may be a call for you to pull yourself up, or that that someone is wanting you to be a nurse/engineer because you are fated to be one - but a good one.
in monopoly, there's fate and chance.
while fate is pre-determined, you are given a chance to choose.
after making your choice, ultimately, it leads you to your destiny.
so let's just say that this observer who is governing your life has marked out 10 possible destinies.
and every destiny falls under a different band of points.
every correct/good choice = 1 point and incorrect/bad choice = -1 point.
and let's assume that for every 10 points, you move on to another destiny.
at 0 point, you are destined to be a normal worker for some boss.
at 10 points, you are going to be an accomplished worker with multiple big projects and given more chances to make choices.
at 50 points, you are given your dream.
so we should try working hard to make every choice a right one, because a wrong one will require your 2 more ticks to make it +1 when it could have been +1 from that 1st choice alone.
this may sound bullshit.
but i think it works the same for karma.
and i believe in karma, as well as this.
it may not be true, but it makes me a better person i hope.
and no i still dont believe in god(s), because there're some parts of it that i find inappropriate.
i dont mind going to hell, but i want to live my before-afterlife well, where i help those who i want to, and be as good and useful and wanted and appreciated and amiable as possible.
and if i am still going to hell even after that, due to the fact that i dont believe in them, it proves my belief even more.
if you are smart enough, you will get what i am hinting at.

2011-03-14T19:47:00.003+08:00

To-do list before i enter monkhood:

1. Teoheng
2. Sentosa
3. Cheesecakes
4. Camwhore session with my hair (i know right)
5. Timbre
6. Anywhere else with nice drinks, even if there's no ethanol inside

and yes, i havent told anyone about this yet but i doubt i'd have time to meet anyone for the coming 7 months.
because my camp is at choa chu kang area and the journey back home will never be as daunting as that.
considering to move into my aunt's place near woodlands, but it's just a thought since i'd be a HUGE bother to their hectic lives.
moreover, i am a glutton.
i may request to stay in camp, but that depends on my officer or what you call that.
plus i will be retaking my As, so studying will be a priority.
sorta like for once ever since i graduated from ngee ann?
so weekends will be packed with tuitions and self-study.
that makes me MIA, for at least 7months.
and i will make sure i make no time for life.
i need to trade life for better grades.
so yeps, good luck everyone.
and see you soon, i hope.

2011-03-12T19:55:00.002+08:00

thinking of taking the As again.
maybe during the 2nd year of NS.
and now i thank NS, and hope that they make me perm PES E.
i really want to do this all over again, by myself.
researching the possible areas, with the prerequisite that i will NOT be given a seat in SMU business admin.
rather than being sad and down about it, i'd rather buck up and even if it means dying in NS, i want this.
badly.
somehow, i am motivated to do justice to myself by the work at expo.
i know i can do this, and i knew i was complacent.
so, i will stay committed and start studying now.
1st, i'd need to get my notes ready.
and know how to go about applying for the spa exams and stuff.
wish me luck please, and here comes the driven qihao.
not the stupidly bored and enjoying-life asshole.

2011-03-06T18:24:00.002+08:00

This is stupid but I am blogging with my phone again.
It almost never pays to be early on outings.
Went to smu open house earlier, what was great was that I really like the system there and the education there seems to be an interesting and pleasant one.
all long I've only wanted to go to smu and nowhere else.
So me going to the open house is just to add in to my wish-full thinking of me in that environment.
Please let me be shortlisted for the business interview and I will do anything to get in. Even if it means severing my arm.
Ok maybe if I am anaesthetised first.
14k applicants per year and only 1.7k gets in.
That's so depressing.
The competition is so fierce, and I am really scared.
Gah, ionno what to do if I don't get through.
Now I need a god who grants me everything.

2011-03-04T19:42:00.002+08:00

I have been telling everyone in this world, but noones seems to believe me.
ionno about the other colleges but the GP system in VJ is screwed.
omg general paper is supposed to test your general knowledge no?
that means that it should cover an extensive base of subjects, from nuclear to politics to afghanistan to obama to sociology to human to ethics to everything and anything.
what the school / my GP teacher taught me was that we have to memorise this list of information.
subsequently you choose a question in the paper that pertains to the same topic you memorised - like environment to "Environmental degradation should be the last thing developing countries worry about."
and wala, you regurgitate everything onto the script and passes the stained essay back to the examiner.
Before i went to JC, i thought that i'd love essay writing in GP lessons.
because it's a platform for me to express my views coupled with what i know about this world.
i was told that this was wrong, like terribly wrong.
at times i was told directly to MUST WRITE about kyoto's protocol and lolwhat.
it's so frustrating when someone tells me that what i've written is wrong when it's supposed to be a "general paper".
my thoughts on "general paper" is that there is no right or wrong, its entirely based on the way you argue and use your points.
isnt that supposed to be the way?
always say that us youths are politically apathetic and softspoken.
it's more of like we are deprived from freedom of speech and that we are always shot down by the perceived "know-all" adults.
this is not something that i should be proud of, but i've not touched a single page of those GP notes, and they are even in such good quality they qualify for resale.
because, i know that the british value what we think.
and not what we were SUPPOSED to think.
i didnt exactly finish my AQ, and i have no idea how i did for my compre.
but what i do know is that i need a rather good essay to score in GP.
i did, and i am not flaunting it.
i am just mad at how the system functions, and how pointless it is.
if a mediocre guy like me who fancies reading thriller novels can do well in GP when others who vomit the "ideal" answers cant get fantastic results, something is wrong. (not with me but the way things work here)
and i'd always been the borderline pass for GP in VJ and I almost always failed the content section.
hey my grammar is not good, really. i re-read this couple of times to rephrase them.
and screw the GP system, i am glad i wrote what i'd wanted to.

2011-03-01T01:18:00.008+08:00

Initially wasn't thinking about it.
then it came a time when one jolly good fellow starts it and a neverending conversation follows.
yes, the results are coming out.
and what can i do now?
i've been running away from life and reality, to find them finally catching up with me.
welps at least i wasn't troubled in the past months.
and there goes another attempt at self-comfort.
i realise i try making myself feel better at my failures all the time.

OH, grades - EEES
"at least i passed 3"
"almost everyone failed that subject"
"just a test only, whatever"

the thing is that i sucked, and facepalm to me for trying to make myself feel better.
that is the reason why i never achieve.
such low standards of self-comfort/content.
even when i know i have no right to do so.
seriously, i just want a sufficient grade to secure a place in smu business.
that's all i ask for.
if i cant get that, i'd have no idea what would happen to me.
i cried for an entire day + 2 emo days when i got B for project work.
this incoming missile may be too much for me.
i am scared, darn scared.
especially if my mum says anything that kills me more.
unlike the O levels, i am really lost.
i have no clue what grades i should be expecting.
i am so depressed now, i have no words to describe it.
like seriously, i am like stoning into space and emoing.
very random flashes of thoughts, all jumbled you cant make up what you're exactly thinking of.
thats how lost i am.
what have i become.
can i continue on?
there's smu talks this weekend, and i really wanna attend it.
but if it's so bad bad bad, going for a talk about a course i'd never be given a spot in would be the most hurting thing ever.
mia weekend.

i'd prolly catch emo movies alone to vent everything out.
sit at the back row on the upper deck listening to listen/taking chances/i dreamed a dream, travelling from east to west and back again. screw the adult fares.
go for a run and dont stop.
if only i can find a sheltered place where noones goes to (even ghosts), and sit there and hit the floor and shout and scream and cry and whatever.
all while i say i am out with friends to 疗伤

this gonna be a big hurdle in life.
like those 2metre low walls in the military.
perhaps for half a year i'd try to mount over it.
eventually/hopefully, to find myself succeed.
or i may choose to be some jerk and act faint to run away from it.
or to hit myself in the wall so hard, everything grows numb and for once stops catching up with me.
yeah, i do cry.
so what? condemn me?
"aiyo how old already still cry"
"lol, guy also cry gay shit"
"he's weird"
go ahead and do it.
i may not know everything, but i know that this part of me is born this way.
good luck, i need plenty of those.

2011-02-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

I feel like creating a tumblr.
apparently it's quite popular in westernised countries :/
and the layout looks really cool - beats a bird twitting here and there.
everytime i think of me going through lasik, i feel super happy.
to make do without those irritating glasses, and clear vision without any direct interference to your eyes.
the hype aside, tomorrow is v-day.
if i do wake up on time, i'd go gym in the morning.
then buy myself lunch.
and continue youtubing or pptving.
being alone is not that bad a thing no?
welps thats exactly what i've been telling myself before i'd gotten a phone/facebook account.
so i cant judge those couples.
but oh no, i think ima be a leftover wizard in life. (why does witch sound offensive, but wizard majestic)
i do believe that there're elements of boy and girl in any person.
it's just the extent of being 70% guy and 30% girl or any other proportions.
i think i fall on the 50-50 side.
the way i act and all.
and i think i can relate pretty well with either gender, minus all the awkward silence and such.
then i got this feeling that people who are 70% guy and 30% girl would be predominantly boyish, and be the usual desperate guy who goes crazy over girls.
vice versa for girls.
for people like me, the 50-50 lot, i do fine alone.
or maybe, better alone.
on the streets, i look at both pretty guys and girls.
and when someone passes a wink at me, trying to hit a hint, there will be this sort of fear in me.
there's this thing inside me telling me not to get attached and with all my might, i shun away and go into hiding.
and when the gaga subsides, at times, i regret my actions. at times.
i regret because i wonder if i'd do better not being alone.
then again, i know that relationships at this point will lead to nowhere.
as much as i'd like to believe in that, for the majority it just aint the case.
and like anyone in one, they'd say something about everlasting love and never leaving one another.
when the break comes, they'd live in what seems like eternal sorrow.
it's because i've witnessed it, am i thus fear-full.
this world is ruled by equilibrium.
when you get all the joy being together with your love, you will need to repay it somewhere sometime.
with equal intensity.
and with all the emoness i amass in my teens, i hope it pays off in having a beautiful adulthood.
when i blog, i feel offensive.
as though i am shattering one's dream in pieces.
mine included.
so yeps, happy v-day.

2011-02-11T13:42:00.002+08:00

Brittany outside of cheerios uniform is so gorgeous.
like totally.
pretty clothes too.
dang, living in singapore is such a bore.
no broadway, no awesome clothes, and no expenditure. just continue saving till you die.
i must go to a broadway show before i die.
hooray another wish!
and this wish will not be realised in due time.
so i shall continue dreaming.
this guy, Darren Criss, who's playing Blaine in Glee, started off as a youtuber who played at cafes weekly.
3 years ago, his voice wasn't wowing.
but the numbers he pulled off in Glee are beautiful.
it's not powerful but it's nice.
more of like pleasing to the ears and really really get me happy.
his rendition of Teenage Dream, Baby it's Cold Outside, and Hey Soul Sister! AWESOMENESS.
with that many awesomes in my post, i feel like an american haha.
the land of dreams.
3 years later, i am going to have his voice.
eh wait, i wouldnt be practicing for 2 years.
ima sound like a mule when i am out.
byebye to variable speech tones.

LASIK

2011-02-10T19:04:00.006+08:00

ok, i've decided on the clinic and consultant.
LIKE FINALLY :D
i'd give Shinagawa a call tomorrow to schedule a pre-op evaluation.
going for Intralase Wavefront LASIK.
intralase means that they cut a flap with a laser.
and wavefront is personalised and customised tissue removal.
It's gonna cost about 3.5 grand in total i suppose.
as of now i dont feel scared or nervous!
maybe because i've seen from a forum that they blur your vision prior to the operation.
and while you can feel the pressure exerted by the cap on your eye, the other victims described it to be mild and i am glad i wear contacts - thus not uncomfortable with fingers on my eyes.
i was caught between Shinagawa and Lasik Surgery Centre (lsc)
so i searched the forums. (for recent posts)
and while lsc is widely advertised, MANY described the clinic tantamount to that of a factory line.
with lots of cheenas and foreigners on the conveyor belt, ready to be delivered into the consultation room, and promptly leaving after that. like INSTANTaneously.
that freaked me out a little.
and guess what, it's compounded with a lot more negative feedback.
initially i only saw the good stuff.
but it was dated 2004.
and as i continued through the articles,
2009 and 2010 proved to me that the doctor was rather bochup with your case, and rushing through the operation and consultation being more of a marketing executive rather than a man in white.
there were more cases of post-op complications and many labelled the experience "unenjoyable".
and so i went to check on Shinagawa.
i failed to find any raves about it.
and while it isn't as much patronised (probably due to lack of publicity), i find the system more enticing.
the consultation is 1 to 1, with results backed up by thorough medical analysis.
and there was this guy on the forum who wanted to do lasik.
he went to one clinic and they offered him the most expensive package.
but when he went for the evaluation at Shinagawa, they assured him that no lasik treatment is required and his life will be fine the way it already is.
apparently he only has a degree of 200.
if they do have the ethics to turn down potential clients that others preyed upon, i feel at ease getting my treatment there.
moreover, Shinagawa's a 'franchise' with headquarters based in japan.
and given the pretty guys and girls there, i garner more confidence in them.
SAY NO TO SPECTACLES IN A MONTH'S TIME. hopefully.
SAY NO TO PROCRASTINATION. i seriously need to give them a call.

and my pes status is still pending. *sigh*

2011-02-03T03:15:00.002+08:00

Reunion dinners in singapore's geographical context is totally hilarious can.
If you spend it with fun and cool people then it'd be awesome.
my dinner was so exciting that i was stalking facebook the entire time.
and i purposely under-dress myself this time every year.
looking presentable correlates to your respect for whoever you're meeting - true :O
it was a 10 course meal today, and there were 5 proteins - braised duck, roasted chicken, steamed fish, fried prawns and the sucky suckling.
out of all these, i gave the pork, duck and fish a pass.
i could see the layer of fats below the skins! :O
and the fish had this muddy taste.
the prawn had some pesticide taste as well.
having no appetite to start with, i'd barely touched anything for the entire 'feast' due to the wonderful dishes prepared.
The entire meal = half a chicken breast, one tablespoon of spinach that tasted like ant-infested grass, one mini-abalone, 3 mouthfuls of yusheng, 2 spoons of lotus-leaf rice, 1 prawn, a bowl of shark's fin soup and a serving of mango pudding.
That costs $70 for myself.
It's such a waste, omg.
and it's not even nice.
Doh, i dislike reunion dinners.

2011-01-29T19:45:00.002+08:00

Went shopping with koknam the other day, and saw this pair of shorts.
It's sorta like plaid on a white base, and those lines where brownish, yellow and blue.
It's mesmerising.
and on the 1st instincts, i told myself to buy it.
my 2nd instincts was to check the price.
and dear google, it's $299.90.
so i returned it to the rack, and waited for koknam to come out with his fit.
i've been eyeing that shorts since the encounter on some online article, and now, i am slapped hard in the face.
when i am rich, and i better be, i will make sure i save 50% of my pay per month and commit the rest to THE EXPENSIVE TRAVEL FARES (petrol is equally expensive as the absurb busfares) and shopping and food and to my parents.
everyone should expend more, so the economy will prosper like mad.
then we will get more pay rise.
if we dont get it, then lets migrate elsewhere :D
i always tell my mum,

what's the point of earning money if you don't spend it?

she never answers it.
but when she maples, she sees the bank as something superior to levels.
and that 钱很多，看了爽
and so she continues grinding for more money, but never uses it.
sometimes, i felt as though they've given up their lives for ours.
they only go shopping to restock the fridge, and barely has any friends simply because they dont have the time for such relationships.
and they slog so much.
not for themselves, but us.
however noble that may be, i dont wanna see them doing this to themselves.
i want them to retire and i've been hinting at it.
it's because of what i see that i do not wish for a marriage.
i can tell myself that "i shall not be bounded by responsibilites and continue to live life"
but when it really comes, i just dont know if i can still say and realise the same line i stated.
because if i do have children, i want them to have the best treatment.
making sure that they play the violin, take dance and singing lessons, draw well, understand fashion and etiquette, take up some sport and make sure that they never grow too fat or thin - they're sorta like living my dreams.
i dont really care if they suck at school or what.
i just want them to feel alive.
i dont want them to call me dad, i want them to call me by my name.
and it's not because of some stupid drama that i hate, but that's what i've been thinking of since forever.
"dad" gives too much an authority and power.
i want to be close to them. the really close and friendly kind.
like bffs.
but to fund all these goals for my children aint an easy task.
to juggle between work, family, friends and shopping is a torture.
in any case, i'd have to give up the last option first.
and then i will be the host to the parasitic fatigue such that i'd find no energy or time for friends.
and then work will become so important that you'd gradually forget why you started working for in the first place - for better lives.
and your family gets compromised.
not only your spouse and children, the most obvious example would be parents-grandparents.
most of them dont live together, and barely see them much.
but it is when we are grownups that we need more time with our parents no?
in the first 4hours of kbox, you'd take your time singing a full song and all.
but when it comes down to the last 30minutes, we only sing through the chorus and thats it.
shouldn't this be the same treatment to them? that we should really seize the chance and appreciate this 30minutes with them?
we take their living presence for granted. everyone does. just because it's been fine for the last 20 years doesn't mean that it will be the case for the next 20.
everyone tells us to appreciate your closest kins, but do we really do that?
previously, i'd always wanted to move out.
it's an entirely different story now.
life is full of comprises.
it is choosing what you want that makes your life worthwhile and living.
dont let work define you, nor anyone or anything cause you to waver.
dont work OT if you dont know what it is that you're working for,
most adults work for money just because it's money.
the more the merrier.
really? the more the merrier even when you dont spend?
ya right.

2011-01-25T02:50:00.002+08:00

Never trust a demure person's storytelling of non-demure stuff.
it's like asking primary school devils to teach me how to be a grownup.
although i have to admit that i am still a little childish, just a little :O

the lasik treatment is scary.
although you are sedated, it's a mild dosage and only instils numbness.
you are still AWARE of anything and everything the doctor's gonna do to you.
that includes resting a suction ring on the eyeball;
and sliding the surgical blade across the ring to cut a flap on the cornea;
and peeling the flap to one side;
and force you to stare at a blinding laser for a minute or so;
and to displace the flap back to the original position;
and glue the flap to place.
AND REPEAT IT FOR THE OTHER EYE.
all while you are conscious.
while i am scared of frogs, i am actually more afraid of eyeballs.
those wholesome ones, coz they are so freaky no?
eyeball-phobia.
those horror movies with flying eyeballs are the worst.
and the chapter on eyeballs in the biology textbook.
D:
i think i will be scared like shit for the lasik treatment.
and my mum hasnt given me a reply as to which clinic and method she's going for.
omg, i am going to witness my surgery on my eyes with my own eyes.
i wonder if they can blind me or something.
and post-treatment, i cant use any hair product or let any chemical get into my eyes.
i will be sensitive to bright light and be constantly tearing.
for one week.
so i cant go out :/
planning to go for the consultation soon and schedule for lasik post cny.
oh, and those newyear music out there defames chinese orchestra's reputation.
it's so downright depressing.
ughh.

2011-01-18T13:09:00.002+08:00

I was 55kg last week this time, now i am 63kg.
and i have not eaten my lunch yet.
i am so freaking scared that this will aggravate.
i went online and check.
and it could be due to water retention since i drank 2 cups of water before i slept last night :o
and then there was this hypothyroidism which tells me that i may continue gaining weight for the next months or years.
if i hit 70 next week, i am going to the doctor and get myself killed.
this doesn't make any sense at all, i live on 2 munches a day and i dont even take half a bowl of rice each meal.
THIS IS FREAKING ME OUT.
i shall hurry and drink more water to force the the water out. (yes it sounds ironic but that's how you challenge fluid retention/edema)
i am going to drink 10 cups of water per day as of today.
i dont wanna grow fat out of the blue.
ok now this is becoming some primary school composition.
today is a bad day.
i shall sign off.
bye bye.

2011-01-17T22:14:00.002+08:00

i think i am going to morph into some angmoh guy.
can i choose to be blonde? lol
eh, the forever china me is turning to english hits
and yes i even go and stalk the billboard for new releases and tops.
there've been some really nice english songs recently and asians are dying out :(
i think bruno mars is sooo awesome
we finally have some non-white with perfect rhythm & blues!
when will we get to see asians dominating the music industry?
i stumbled upon this guy posting his covers of some brilliant songs.
i prefer his chinese ones tho :/

i think he is as talented as leehom, they sound almost identical
haha, and i was super happy coz enzon said i have a nice voice.
i still cant reach bruno mars' key.
dang.
i think i am so jolly today, dont know why also.
MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S SHAWN'S AND JESSICA'S BIRTHDAY!
haha, ok i better stop - even myself thinks that i am crazy.
enjoy

2011-01-13T15:12:00.003+08:00

roflmao
i dont get why i am so affected by him.
i know that he does a note everyday and i really go stalking for it.
not because i am interested in his life, but rather it's the diabolic me trying to pinch out some content that i can laugh at.
or perhaps, mock at.
i mean, from our view, the note may be amusing.
but if you really look into the plain and glaring english, besides the grammar, there's essence of despise and stereotyping.
i am not gonna remind him of that, but if you are his friend and happen to stumble upon this post.
you should tell him to mind his language - used on me at most i'd be mad at him.
but when you comment on the other races in SINGAPORE, you'd better be careful because the next step may bring you to a confined jailroom.
or in your context, worse if issued humongous fines.

o.o
and really, o.o
is he really that demure?
since when is kissing classified as oral sex?
and kissing is low-profile sex?
omg.
and anal-contact = sex?
that's seriously bullshit.
but that aside, i think he got the whole picture wrong.
and dragged all who read it and commented on it down with him.
if you have no idea what sex is, don't tell people that you witnessed a young couple having sex next to bicycle lots when in fact, they were only kissing.
true that it may evolve into something else, if you didn't see it, don't tell people you did.
i feel so cheated even though i believe it's fabricated in this first place.
facebook ftw.

2011-01-13T01:19:00.002+08:00

serotonin, phenylethylamine and dopamine are the reasons behind the chemistry of/in love.
so that means that love is but mere a result of hormonal changes.
which may mean that if relevant medication is received such that these hormone levels were altered to a normal state, you will lose your love?
that is so weird.
and there is this other hormone called oxytocin which causes you to both love and hate.
maybe when my blood boils, it's due to an overproduction of oxytocin.
it's weird, at least to me, that how and what you feel is governed by known and readily synthesised chemicals.
this may mean that futuristic psychology may include the prescription of such drugs to help psychotics tide over their conditions.
but inappropriate use may literally mean that you can produce a robotic human, stripped of most, if not all, emotions,

on another note, certain things are like mirrors.
while intact, it reflects a harmonious and complete picture.
when the mirror shatters, this picture crisps along with it and no matter how hard you try to glue it back, the scars between the sharp glass edges are here to stay.
every action is irrevocable.
just like every word that is seen or heard.
and when the devilish side of oxytocin starts kicking in to remind you of the vandal who smashed your mirror, it's too late for the angelic love-oxytocin to neutralise the hatred.
especially since the nonchalant vandal continues hammering the broken pieces into finer shards.
that's just gross and indecent.
i admit that i am stupid, and my jokes may be retarded.
but if you make me feel worthless and unwanted, which at times i do call myself that, be prepared because a war is brewing.
and trust me, if i can't win it, i'd make sure you don't too.
because i hate you.
and putting :) behind an offensive text doesn't mean anything friendly at all.
especially if prejudice is already present.
it just makes me think of you as some faker who can't use words properly to display feelings.
let me teach you something.
if you are pissed about a reply on facebook, use very very short sentences in the next reply.
it shows that you cant be bothered anymore, and it strikes people with a louder oomph.
it also works better if you add a fullstop behind.
doh i feel like removing the tagboard.

sigh

2011-01-10T01:02:00.002+08:00

ROT DECAY DECOMPOSE DEGENERATE DISINTEGRATE FESTER PUTREFY
thats what happening to me.
omg, i am so bored doing nothing at home.
i am literally staring into blank space!
i wake up to stone and eat and shit and sleep.
it's so terrigible it's like schooltime.
except i rather stone than go to school to be pestered upon.
i suppose it's time for me to go emo again.
shop alone, watch movie alone, lunch alone, play alone.
it's alot easier doing things alone for me.
because waiting for replies take forever, or never.
and in reality, you decide better when you are on your own.
when in a group, we are told to accept all perspectives and suggestions.
so much so that it's so messy and occupied until noone can make a choice for everyone and eventually, end up doing nothing.
dohhhhh.
FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, LIFE SUCKS.
i may sound crazy saying this, but i hope i get enlisted soon.
this is killing me.
ARGH

2011-01-09T02:04:00.003+08:00

thought that after so many weird posts, i should put something interesting up.
something funny and entertaining.
so the following are some facebook likes that i've stolen.
:D

A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you my friend, yes you, you can kiss my ass

Baby, baby, baby ooh!"
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching porn.
Mom: Oh thank goodness.

Kid: "Dad, is GOD black or white?" Dad: "Maybe both.
Kid walks away, then comes back later. "Dad, is God a man, or a woman?"
Dad: "Maybe both."
Kid walks away, then comes back later. "Dad, is GOD Micheal Jackson?"

Smarter brother: "Mom, I got an A+ in Calculus!" Mom: "Wow, good job!"
Dumber brother: "Mom, I got a B on my math test!" Mom: "OMG WHAT!?! HERE'S $100, WE'RE GOING OUT TO DINNER TO CELEBRATE."

Bruno Mars closes his eyes, he sees his name in shining light. Justin Bieber closes his eyes, he sees a better day. i close my eyes, i see darkness. :(((

It's funny how we can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs, but can't remember anything when we study for a test.

every teenager has the same life: hours every night on facebook and five minutes on the homework project you were given a month ago. Don't deny it.

If I was stuck in a room with Justin Bieber and my worst enemy with a gun with two bullets in my hand i'd shoot Justin Bieber twice ☺

Lyrics of the song YMCA that everyone knows.
99%: Y-M-C-A.
1%: The whole song.

Read each sentence:
This is this cat. This is is cat.This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is retard cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is 40 cat. This is seconds cat. Now read every third word in each sentence :)

you know you are a normal teen if:
1)you have a facebook
2)you own a cellphone
4)you are wasting your time reading this
5)you didn't realize there was no #3
7)you checked to see if there wasn't a #3
8)O: where's 6?
9)you are smiling now

*Mom Calls Your Name*
Yeah? *silence*
Yeah! *silence*
YEAH?!!?!!?! *silence*
Wtf...*sighs and gets up to go see what she wanted*

Taio Cruz wrote dynamite, Katy Perry wrote firework, Bruno Mars wrote grenade, I bet Ke$ha is going to write nuclear bomb soon.

How fast can you guess these words?
1. BOO_S
2. _ _ NDOM.
3. F_ _ K
4. P_ N _S
5. S_X

Answers:1. BOOKS 2. RANDOM 3. FORK 4. PANTS 5. SIX. You got all 6 wrong, didn't you?You dirty minded freak!

enjoy, lol

2011-01-05T23:11:00.005+08:00

so yes, i have no life, and am curently rotting at home again.
it's so hard to get anything done and i dont feel like doing anything at all.
2 days for me to finish a 20 episode serial.
it was really emotional, with all those suicide things coupled with many complex feelings - feelings that normal people wont usually get involved in.
it's like being trapped right in the heart of a whirlwind.
a whirlwind of confusion, loss, an despair.
there are stories of people who have come to a point where they cant continue any longer.
they have come to the point of no return, the point which marks the end.
ironically, it's funny coz when i went through similar stuffs, i couldnt bring myself to do what they did.
i thought that perhaps the show was rather misleading, but also gave me some insights.
my mum was sitting next to me being a usual peeping tom and eyeing the serial while i watched it on the 19".
when i witnessed the characters plunge from light into dark then into death, i thought i would do the exact thing if i was in the situation.
but my mum, on the contrary said that the issue can be solved.
when the entire world is mocking at you for being who you really are, and despising your methods of living, i dont get how you can continue with the ongoings.
it's just unbearable.
then again, these events that happen in serials are never reflective of our society. especially our boring and mundane society. oh, and apathetic.
so for the past two days, i have been rather emo.
i dont wanna do anything. nothing.
i have seen so much, so many problems yet no solution.
that is if you dont include suicide or genocide.
have you ever been so depressed that you dont mind dying as a rock to salvage the current situation?
i dont mind being a rock if i can get things on track.
i dont mind being a rock because i should be a rock.
because a rock has a purpose.
and the song 'black sunday', i am hooked to it.
it's addictive, sad and comforting.
渡得过吗?
if you are like me, willing to rot and indulge in some very sad stuff.
then go watch this serial <死神少女>, it's really depressing. really.
我觉得我跟自己渡不过，但我又能怎样呢?

2010-12-27T22:31:00.003+08:00

MOVIES!
AND MORE MOVIES!
yesh, my life is filled with drama and unrealistic fantasies at the moment.
all thanks to the perfect fiction depicted by some idealistic director.
some movies can last for 2.15hours and make you sit at the edge from the half-time mark, not because it's too high for you, but coz you cant wait to lift your butt off the seat and leave the theatre for good.
then, there are some films, even at the 2.08hour mark, you dont want to let go and continue indulge in some like of "awwwwwww, so sweeeeet ending". or worse, there's no ending, if you get what i am talking about. a nice movie without a proper ending is like a human without a head. no matter how much fashion you have on you, you still freak people out and turn people off.
so i just finished <小孩。狗> on catchup tv - it's my 1st time finding and watching a mediacorp film. i was sorta like enticed by the trailer.
coz i love the cast.
the leads and the little boys are all famous to me.
and the plot, my guess back then, would be saddistic and emoish.
and boy am i right. it's really sad.
the concept is simple, but it brings out the essence, it must be coz of her acting.
she's like the best actress i'd ever seen!
not like some nyonya who cant differentiate between anger and joy.
so fail, lol.
so yes, this 2 hour and 8 minute film is the best i'd seen these months.
definitely better than tron and the god focker.
even tho it's not in HD, it's undeniably a good film.
ONLY if you watch movies under the category "DRAMA".
drama is sorta like my thing, just like why some people only watches horror or comedy, i sorta like drama more.
coz it's unrealistic and beautiful.
the forbidden fruit is always the most alluring, no?
:D

2010-12-25T04:35:00.004+08:00

It's really wild right now, been thinking a lot again.
you know, sometimes there is a choice for you to make.
and sometimes, or rather most of the time, at least one of them is theoretically correct or beneficial to you in some sense.
and at that juncture before you decide on anything, you simply have no clue as to what you will bring yourself into; should i play safe or should i venture?
only when the decision has concluded will you know the outcome after it's implementation. when this so-called outcome brings good, i don't usually brood over it, less giving recognition to it.
but when i made a bad decision and realised it's impact, i just fall into this deep autistic and sometimes aggressive trance thinking over and over about it.
what makes it worse this time is that while i was given 2 options, both of them will bring me nowhere i want to be.
yes, it's really complicated.
you know, sometimes i really dont understand myself.
with some people, i exclude myself from the crowd and i think that i dampen the atmosphere. it's not that i dont like them or enjoy being with them, but i just cant bring myself into the picture. i feel left out, and it's not anyone's fault but mine. i leave myself out. and when you gave that 1st impression, it's really difficult to turn things around. at least for me, it aint easy at all.
and if i dont join these wonderful people, i feel bad, as though i dont give a damn to these people who have in a way or another left a footprint in my life, giving me flares of memories that is rekindled as i do a flashback.
guess what, i chose to run away from them in hope that i wouldnt feel weird around them. it worked, i didnt think as much but when i see what i definitely would have seen, it just made me regret.
and guess what again, if i'd made the opposite choice, i'd also somehow regret.
so it's either regret not being with them, or regret self-excluding myself.
i have a sad life. trust me, i have a sadder life.
it's as though i have thousands of bottled thoughts. i dont share most of them, because sometimes, really, some things are better left unsaid.
damn, i really regret it.
what can i do about it?

nothing.

2010-12-21T03:09:00.003+08:00

and so i went for this medical checkup.
it's called the tilt table test trying to prove the presence of something called dysautonomia.
the term sounds impressive and i'd never heard it before.
so page after page, i got links from tilt table to dysautonomia to the causes and it's cures.
Then i read about the symptons of such a condition:
1.fatigue
2.faintness
3.low exercise tolerance
4.tingles
5.anxiety
6.vague aches

initially, way before i knew of this thing called dysau, i thought that whatever i was going through was due to me being some sort of loser or something.
you know, from never passing napfa to being some weak guy with nightmares and occasional feelings dealt with increasing frequencies, speeds and anxiety. i really thought they were normal, as in like, you've always been like this and has never considered something to be anomalous until you get hold on some material or credit from some big guy. i know i have fainting spells, but i went to the GP and he couldnt come up with anything.

so i knew what the test was going to be about. my posture will be changed and my blood pressure will be monitored. and all was well for the 1st 30min. after which they introduced an oral spray called isuprel. from the doctor and the nurse, it causes your heart to go faster and if you cant keep up with the pace, your blood pressure will fall and you will faint. i didnt tho, ionno if i was lucky or what. but i knew my heart was thumping crazily i could guess about 140? about cardio stats i suppose coz i'd almost never felt it thump so quickly.

"i can feel my heart thumping super quickly."
and the nurse replied, "yes, i can see that." as she continued staring at the machine with electrodes connected to my thorax or whatever you call that.
and then, i felt light-headed. so much so that i almost couldnt convey what i wanted to say. i sorta just stoned as my vision got blurry. (again)
it's been months since this vision thingy hit me. and to be in the situation again on purpose wasnt exactly that pleasant.
so it got blurrer and darker and eventually i couldnt see anything at all. all was black and the doctor was trying to wave at me i think, but i couldnt see so oh wells.
no worries, really. everytime i see those channel 8 drama serials where people lose their eyesight they go loony. i dont understand why there's a need to overreact. so i was pretty calm just that i was bursting out in cold sweat already.
and so i was brought to a flat posture resting on the tiltable bed. it got better and the dizziness didnt go away just yet.
i cant see, but i could hear. and so there was this stream of numbers coming from the female nurse.
i know that it's the heart rate followed by the blood pressure.
90,109/59.
and just prior to these figures my heart was thumping so quickly, and my blood pressure at rest was about 120/70. (its not exactly at reat, given a test environment, you cant possibly cool down completely can you?)
she also said something else "fall in heart rate followed by blood pressure"
then i went to ask if it was normal for me to react this way.
he gave a straightforward reply "No"
and continued to add "but then again, we used the medicine to initiate light-headedness to you so it may be due to you being intolerant to the drug."
somehow, i just felt that he was trying to comfort and assure me that nothing fatal is going on within me.
so this was what happened at the hospital.
and i came home to check on more articles regarding this test and condition and out of curiosity the drug that they prescribe to me during the test.
this drug isuprel accelerates heart activity, and in this test, usually, people with dysautonomia will feel light-headed upon the ingestion of this medicine, and probably faint due to a fall in blood pressure.
i did feel faint but didnt actually lose consciousness. but i reacted to this drug negatively, so it cant be a good thing can it?
and then i went to check on vision loss, and it's also associated to a term called syncope which is also a synonym for dysau. theoretically, a fall of blood pressure of 20 Hg will contribute towards a failure in the test, and i dont think my bp dropped that drastically. 20?! crazy ah, i may die if it drop by 20 leh!
so i need to wait for a week to get to my diagnosis appointment.
hopefully its just me being paranoid and nothing is wrong which means that this may be a bullshit post. but i just felt like sharing, at least i feel alot easier knowing that i'd written what i am going through out. and i may come back 10 years later and laugh at myself being such a paranoid imp. by the way, there is no effective cure for this condition and cases are really really extreme. but if i really have this thing, then i have a reason for failing my napfa right? they cant possibly put me in 3 month extension or something right? i wish, lol.

2010-12-09T12:23:00.003+08:00

I realise i come to this place to vent my frustrations.
I mean like seriously, you are pissing everybody off continuously, and you still think that you are right.
It's not just me, i asked around. sometimes i can be oversensitive about things and may judge people irrationally.
BUT, i dont think i am wrong this time, seriously.
maybe the word 'fuck' may be too powerful.
then again, isn't it a great word to imply your anger at the fundamental level?
so many people has asked him to shut up, and he is so-called obliged to answer.
you guys know how much i hated ryan. and when i compared him to ryan, that was the 1st move to ask him to stop.
FUCK I AM SO PISSED. i take time to organise stuff and i get this kind of shit.
if you happen to read this, please tell me if the word 'fuck' is too offensive in the context. coz if it is, then i'd prolly be sorry that i used it but i wont regret using it on him.
i hate it to come to a point when you people have to choose between either of our existence. i feel bad making people being at a tough spot, deep in a dilemna - and i'd prolly exclude myself by default.
OMG, I CANT STAND IT. WTF IS WRONG (with me?)!

2010-12-01T18:07:00.002+08:00

BAH! i am so pissed i shall blog about it.
This is whatever that happened.

This guy came knocking at my door.
I opened it and gosh some sissy was there which totally freaked me out.
"Hi, are you the only adult here?"
"I am ACTUALLY not an adult yet."
"Oh, actually, I am a poly graduate promoting my product. I am actually an entrepreneur."

I gave the "right...again,,," look.

"So, you must have just come home from school right?"
I LIED. "YES"
"Must be from Manjusri?"
I replied with the GOTOHELL tone, "NO!"
From then on, I was grossed out by him.
"As youngsters, you must have seen this before right?"
and so he hands out a pink quadrilateral box with no labels or anything on it.
AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
"No?", i said.
"OHHH, it's a nail buffer,"
BANGS MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL. SO A PINK BOX IS A NAIL BUFFER. WOAHHH, I CAN USE THE TISSUE BOX TO BUFF MY NAILS UNTIL BLING BLING WOR!
"ok...", i said in some couldnt-give-a-damn way.
I intercepted him and said, "I don't think anyone in my family would find any use for it, we have 4 males cohabiting here."
"Right, and I just saw your mum."
"My mum doesnt use such things."
"Can you just ask her here for a second?"

CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM PLEASE?

My mum further explained that she is the only female in the house and she finds no use for it.
He then explained that even GUYS use it and that its not only for beautification but also for hygiene.
"It rids the dead skin off!"

WOW, do you not know that the entire nail is comprised of dead skin? YOU MIGHT AS WELL TEAR YOUR WHOLE NAIL OFF!

"It also kills germs."

ROFLMAO! Nail buffers that kill germs! After you buff your nails, wear a glove or something, coz when you place the buffer on the table and accidently touches the table's front, you get germeified again. Oh wait, while wearing the glove, you already got germified. I mean like, germs are omnipresent, and can someone explain to me how buffing your nails, and not washing your hands, actually kills germs?!

Finally, my mum, out of her guilt and pity for this desperate guy, bought one for $7. 1stly, you called me an overaged adult, then you assumed i come from Manjusri, then, you made me feel stupid coz i cant tell that a pink box is a nail buffer, then you seriously thought that a 1-woman household has great use for a anti-bacterial nail buffer, and lastly, as the product propagator, you did not know that nails are organised dead cells thats why you can use a penknife and scratch it and dont feel a thing.

GOSH, KILL HIM! Entrepreneur?! DO SOME MARKET RESEARCH OR SOMETHING SO THAT YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT NAILS. AND THIS GUY CANT COMMUNICATE CORRECTLY. You dont assume that a pure and innocent child like me is an aged adult, and dont quote a not-so-good school for me coz when i tell you my JC, which although i may not be particularly proud to be in, i am pretty sure it will startle you. AND TRY APPROACHING GUYS ON ORCHARD ROAD AND ASK THEM TO BUY NAIL BUFFERS FOR PERSONAL USE. I have never heard of one guy who uses some anti-pathogenic nail buffer. I mean, when people see my blingbling nails, they will exclaim "QIHAO, YOU BUFF YOUR NAILS AH?!" in some astonished accent which implied that normal guys dont buff nails. I personally dont, and dont see why i should, unless i become some celebrity of something.

IF anyone of you guys buff your nails, i am sorry to offend you. But if you do, please tell me: is it for beautifying purposes or for hygiene. We all have the right to be vain and i dont condemn that. BUT for better hygiene? ASHIKIN - you need to teach me bio again coz i failed to recognise that buffing dead cells = improved hygiene.

Sentence of the day - "LEARN YOUR WORDS AS A SERVICE PROVIDER"

I still cant get over the adult and Manjusri thing.
By the way, whether you like it or not, OFFICIAL ADULT AGE IN SINGAPORE = 21

2010-09-23T23:12:00.002+08:00

GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE!
Season 2 premiere on tuesday! and just got my eyes on it :D
omg i am soooooo happy, lol
finn got some weird haircut and charice was reallllly awesome :D
BEAST was super funny lol.
that sam guy was...ummm... big mouth?
i bet he could put like 5 tennis balls in his mouth or something
BRIT FTW! she's super funny~
meh, i havent been so happy for like months already!
GLEE ROCKS, bringing joy to life-less people like me :D
telephone was perfect, i preferred their version alot more
and i cant wait for the 2nd episode!
more of kurt and mike please!
i am literally over the moon and swimming around the moon in circles~
i dont know why GLEE can bring so much enthusiasm and life to me
maybe coz i am their no. 1 fan, like what millions of people would claim themselves to be anyways
GLEE opened my ears to angmoh songs and on buses, i'm still listening to their rendition of halo/walking on sunshine and it's my life/confessions mashups and other wonderfulicious songs - like a prayer and bad romance.
thanks to them, i havent listened to any chinese songs since about 3 months ago?
for some china person like me, it's quite an achievement lol :)
my shower noises turned from TANK to GAGA, lol
i think glee's music directors and editors can make anyone's singing/screaming become some pleasing tune or some frequencies that influence people to shake their heads in extreme ecstasy
i thought it was super funny, for matt to be transferred out of the school.
COZ he didnt even have any solo for the entire season 1 - which sorta mean that his voice is unknown to all GLEEKS since forever
comparably, sunshine got hers on episode 1
she did asians proud lol
i felt accomplished when i saw angmohs clapping in jubilance over her zomgtastic "listen".
VOCAL ADRENALINE SUCKS
everyone should just go and watch GLEE!!!!
and every school should have a GLEE CLUB!
that would be like uber awesome!
i dont really like finn and rachel as much as other characters
my faves in descending order : BRIT, KURT, SUNSHINE, PUCK, MIKE, FINN, MERCEDES, SAM, SANTANA, RACHEL, TINA, QUINN, ARTIE.
it's based on character, coz i think BRIT i super cool.
KURT has a super nice voice! i mean like... the KEY IS SOOOO HIGH AND YET HE CAN SING IT SO MANLY. ASK FINN TO SING AT SAME KEY, IT WOULD BE SO GAY LOL.
sunshine has a dabomb voice lol
i actually thought that puck has a really unique voice...
it's so bubbly and buble-(boo-blee-ey)-like.
listen to his solo in like a prayer - its alot better than sweet caroline.
i think mike is so jumpy lol.
finn for his maths and acting lol. he can act! his dancing in epi 1 was EPIC. i LAUGHED OUT LOUD <- see? i am a lawyer too :D
mercedes has attitude
sam for his big mouth and baby fat face which worked pretty well together
santana for her solo in BAD ROMANCE, ROCKER! BOOBJOB, lol!
rachel, has a GREAT voice, but her character irks me, lol, which means that she acted very well.
TINA the asian VAMPIRE! i cant stop laughing thinking about that episode, lol
quinn the blonde turned me off in episode 1 of season 2. EBIL!
artie's voice is toooo much for someone wheelchair bound.
not that i am wheelchair-ist (something like racist) but his rap and metallic voice deviates from his portrayal of artie.
WILL SCHUE! i cant remember if there's a E in his name, but he's really nice.
TERRY THE EBIL WIFE gonna be back!
SUE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NO COMMENTS
BEAST, LOL, i TYPOED HER AS BITCH I SWEAR I DID.
is figgins indian? i never got a chance to clarify that, lol.
KEN TANAKA epic lol.
YAY I LOVE GLEE
JOIN ME AND BECOME A GLEEK!

2010-08-23T20:15:00.003+08:00

haven't been in that much of a mood recently.
life is like sitting at the edge of a mountain of notes, any moment you're gonna plunge into some bottomless pit as some form of punishment for not accomplishing your due assignments or finishing what you're supposed to within the ever-so-little time in a day.
*sigh*
here i am, as sick as the perv king steven lim, heated with a slight fever, pulling mucous through my nostrils and drawing huge volumes of air before every violent cough.
how i wish i was not that prone to all the viruses and bacteria on earth and live at some jupiter or cosmos planet.
well, been checking some blogs, and i guess we really run out of topic to share over the this virtual reality when we age.
i can't believe that i am 18 - coz from what i heard of from my mum, at the age of 18, she cooked, sewed, worked for a living, and possesses everything that distinguishes a mere cheeky kid from a mature, sensible and ready late-teen.
i feel that i am so not ready for everything coming straight at me, be it life, work or relationships, everything just seems so distant.
i don't feel like living a life, working or going for a connection with anyone.
i guess that makes me a living dead - someone who is alive yet literally doesn't do things the way a normal human being would.
dread in bed, in school, after school, and before i sleep, life is such a bore.
and i keep telling myself --> everything's gonna be better in a few months' time.
then i conduct an immediate self-rebuttal --> and a few days after that "in a few months' time", it will be even better for i will have a new and hip hairstyle.
it's hard to be positive when you know that things aren't really the case.
it's like the angel and devil of the cat in tom and jerry.
the angel drives you towards a good, and the devil somehow convinces you to do otherwise --> what's worse is that you know that its detriment to you and yet you contribute to pulling yourself down to hell.
argh, MOTIVATION, where are you? i need you back as when you were omnipresent during my O levels.
PLEASE COME BACK TO ME :'(

maybe i should just fall into some limbo where time almost stops for you.
maybe i should.

2010-05-05T19:49:00.003+08:00

qutie a dead blog i suppose...
i've been reading yahoo news really actively, lol and sometimes, i feel that all the paparazzies deliver some better presentations than those in local dramas or the mundane news about tax cuts, rebates and a better singapore.

nat ho is leaving the circle for a musical establishment. wishes him success, coz we really need some big-time singer from singapore to replenish the ever-so-minute supply of vocals. never heard him sing though, and never realised he contested Singapore Idol. that came as quite a big shock to me, lol. as i read the article, some points struck me. Sorta-like-my-idol Adrian Pang was indirectly citing reasons of why he left singapore's entertainment monopoly - the lacklustre of good roles, scripts, dialouge and opportunites. it's so real and so true. hello? only fann wong made it to hollywood, moreover it's just a couple of films and while people may recognise the pretty face of hers, she's not attained international fame. Not everyone can be like jackie chan or brad pitt. people just know them since life started. local dramas are really cmi. cmi ttm. with a couple of nice shows but these nice shows (perfect cut 1) are produced by fresh young blood; people who can relate to the society and understand what people really wants from a drama. this is what happens when stuck with a monopoly, no competition, no change, no care about what the consumers really desire since we are channel-inelastic and must do with these channels. now, i only turn to taiwan dramas on channel u and those variety shows with self-degrading artistes for true mocking entertainment, lol. we need some change, people.

and another article about retiring at 60. it's "at and not by", still, imo, it's not possible. let's make the simpliest out of things and take the cheapest alternatives in like 5years, when we become people with a stable income, values close to our parents' since they would probably only factor in inflation and not equate productivity to wages and channel the money to the origins of america, spain and italy, in simpler terms, it's S$3000, lol. so by then, hdb flats in singapore, those 4room ones, would cost about 1.5million i suppose, a car would be 600k and your pasar malam clothes would be 3 for 25 bucks. if we start working at a miraculous age of 20 with a starting pay of S$3000 and add another whopping 50% BONUS, it would be 2.214million dollars, and paying off our housing and automobile's debt, we would be left with S$114,000 and for the 41 years of work, you will definitely spend more than 114 grand on clothes, food and electricity bills right? OH, and i forgot about TAX. walaa, we are born to incur debts and die a horrible death with no money to get ourselves a low-class coffin. maybe if we retire at 80, we can afford one! :D at least we get ourselves a coffin to sleep in when we die right? lol. seriously, retire at 60? people comment about it's possibility with frugal living and wise investments. most of us singaporeans are not wise in the 1st place, and being stuck with extreme thrift for an entire life for a coffin made from teak isnt that wonderful either. we are born into this world to study and work and die. NOT enjoy life. wake up people, start mugging to get yourself a better coffin and hope you dont die before 60, otherwise you wont even get a floor to sleep on. high standards FOR living, low quality of life ftw.

2010-04-16T11:55:00.000+08:00

Looks like ima gonna walk home again, crying. Grats people :)

Budget Irony

2010-02-26T12:52:00.002+08:00

Go to this link and take a look at the vid, as well as the comments are listed by some of our fellow singaporeans.

http://sg.video.yahoo.com/watch/7046459/18331562

1st impression on the video and the interviewees: "Oh, the budget is bound to help us tide over this financial crisis and improve our standards of living as a whole for people from all walks of life."
I, missing out from the budget rally, tried to understand what it's all about.
And thanks to someone who summarised in his comment, it's all about productivity.
Cool, productivity = efficiency = maximising productive capacity = trying to shift the PPC out = improving our QQT.
True enough, by granting incentives to Singaporeans to engage in life-long training and upgrading will indeed enhance the Quality of our human resource and thus economically, productive capacity increases, attaining potential or otherwise, economic growth.
Then again, with a good side comes a devil.
the comments are really omg-ly funny and ironic.
Whilst the people in the video are all-praises, the ones commenting are reflecting their rants through the virtual world.
Training is good economically. But our singaporeans raves about extensive working hours or otherwise "working until we die". A better adjective would be "work, work, work and die" as cited from our internetian. We may be given incentives to work harder and retrain, but who would singaporeans react to this incentive given that people are already dying from all the office stresses and politics?
5-day work week already spanning across the entire week, and while our SOLs improve, how would our quality of life fare? That's the problem about using GDP per capita as an indicator on development levels coz with rising affluence doesnt mean that our society is gracious and happy.
in other words, our standards of living are rising but everyone is unhappy with this increase in affluence. Talking GP-wise, money doesnt equate to happiness.
Moving on, 'veronica' commented: "I applied to Hong Kong for an attractive job before. Then the company there told me that despite my good credentials, they rather keep the job for the locals. I think our country makes foreigners so easy to come here. I have a number of china chinese friends. They told me straight in the face here that they find the place so small and are just using this place as a stepping stone to boost their resume and then they can go somewhere else like USA or back to china for a more senior position. To them, this place is a land of opportunities. best still, if they find a partner, they take the partner together with them to china or other place after a few years here. "
I was in awe, lol. Singaporeans want to move out to other countries = braindrain problem.
then, other countries shun FT, and singapore embraces it. Economically, foreign talent bring along their expertise, technology and probably their familes. This enhances all aspects of our QQT, quality, quantity and technology.
Wahseh, productivity rise like siao. GDP also increases and unemployment rate decreases.
More FT the better, come come come.
now, singaporeans are asking for protectionistic measures to shield them from their china talents. We are asking for protection not because we are not productive, but because our labour is soooooo expensive we cant compete with them price-wise. Moreover, they are training fast(and we are helping them train to become as smart as us), and are taking over our tertiary industries as well. With equivalent capabilities, price wins. lol.
Hongkong dont want us coz they want to protect their people, and chinese are finding our majestic homeland a mere stepping pebble for them to grow and return to their omfg-ly huge homeland or other affleunt DCs. I gotta disagree with the last part though, singaporeans are not even marrying singaporeans, less say to settle abroad.
Then, another comment says that housing and living costs are so high, they cant imagine the additional costs of bearing and nurturing a child. AD rises faster than AS, inflation sets in, wala.
true, singaporeans cant even provide for themselves and how the hell are they going to provide for another head? Moreover, with constant retraining and long woking hours, parents cant even spend time educating their children. Maids? wah, a child comes in a package. Bear a child = get a maid NOT-free. maid levies are increasing as well. a child is becoming a more and more expensive luxury.
Aiyo, housing rates are rising fast. When i grow up and dont die before age 30, how can i afford a flat? 80million leh, siao siao ah. Even if i rent a chalet for 10years, i dont even know if it will amount to 80million anot lor. Live with your parents? wah, overcrowding and no privacy leh.
30 yo, and still cannot lead your own life? must depend on others? SAD.
The video so nice, but the comments suck. This is what i call the freedom of speech across a virtual media where you are anonymous. Why are so many people losing faith in the government? they are just applying economic concepts to make our lives richer, not?
sighs.

2010-02-09T22:09:00.002+08:00

didnt know that doing a chemistry tutorial can be such a chore.
still, i conquered it and within me there is this lasting joy and self-satisfaction.
i am so proud of myself, lol.
for the 1st time since last year; and hope its not the last.
more and more accomplishments to come by, getting my 4Es for common tests, and to complete all my tute on time, dutifully and correctly.
i am so happy now, really, over such trivial academic matters.
ironic right? happy over academics? omg, i must be crazy now.
come to think of it, am rather honoured about my previous post too.
though pissed :P
nights everyone, though i know my night's not gonna end just yet due to the ultra-powderful nescafe latte this afternoon, and this never-dying cough still haunting over me, depriving me of my dreamlands.
have fun, WITH TUTES~

Why other boys from non all boy's schools say we're gay

2010-02-05T15:55:00.003+08:00

Browsed through Facebook,
found a group for the all-boys schools and stumbled upon this discussion topic "Why other boys from non all boy's schools say we're gay".
Laughed at it at 1st, till i scanned through the comments.
This was what the initiator of the topic introduced:

I keep thinking that there has to be a reason that they love to use this on us and that would be: PURE JEALOUSY. Is it me or are all boys school somewhat above the grade? Is it because we grow from boys to men while for them, boys will be boys? What make us targets for such insults? Are we better?

and as well, from some other similar species:

Specie A: bcos they suck..

Specie B: They are epic failures ( referring to co-ed people ) so they tend to use this insult as it is the only one, I am not saying that every one of them is the same. Have u ever seen an all-boys school that is not one of the FINE INSTITUTIONS? :) yeah, i love VS. ty.

Specie C:
I feel that we have a disadvantage somewhat when it comes to girls like what XXXXX said, but it only applies to some of us, not the entire boy population in the school so I still feel we're better off.

We become more manly and gentlemanly than co-eds cause there aren't any girls in school to make us wanna "show-off" or be the hero to get their attention, so we become what we truly are when we are around friends, not girls. We act normal cause we're only among guys.

Well, unless you count in the occasional homosexual that enrolls, but that's a different story.

Specie D:
like the topic starter said,
PURE JEALOUSLY

we aint competing so hard to get hooked,
we're just too manly to fairly choose the girls that adores us (boys in boys' schools)

I had to say, boys from mixed-gender schools are the gays!
instead they were just trying to get attention by their physical appearance despite their conscience, compassion and, competence of being men in true manners. more likely, we can call them douchebags
Im from Indonesia, Canisius College Jakarta

well, after all those bits and pieces of info from our lovely boys, i shall share a lil of my 2 cents' worth.

Pointing fingers at the starter, its really weird to say that people call you a gay coz you are superior to them and that they are jealous of you. Who the hell in poly or JC, and coming from a co-ed environment, would not be realistic enough to realise and mean what they meant? Who the hell call you a gay if you aint one or behave like one? and wtf, jealous = call you gay? lol. And if you guys evolve into men in your own world, elaborate why we, as co-ed guys, dont.
And then, we have a Specie A, who said that we suck. Thanks for the compliment, i guess not all boys turn into men afterall.
haha, and then we have Specie B degrading us being epic failures in this society who snob at people who are superior to us. ironic right? How can inferiors run down on the superiors? And, i sense elitism in his comment, and being such an elite, the inferior us actually snob at them. wow, we suck, now i agree with Specie A, lol.
LOL at Specie C. he says that the co-ed guys pretend to be masochistic so as to be attention-magnets. Oh, and that we dont behave like ourselves in front of them.
omg, we are FAKERS! how many times have i come by more boys trying to be these magnets instead? i think we co-eds behave normally in front of girls but instead it's these boys that act manly in front of girls wanting to be the magnets, lol. Sorry if i offend, but seriously, i dont find this problem prevalent back then in my secondary school days. oh, and also the part about them being more gentlemanly and manly than us T_T
well, i do have some really really nice boy-school friends. really really nice! gentlemanly is really the word for them. but hey, C is being too generic saying that they will definitely be more gentlemanly and manly than us. well, at least i can say that i am very very nice too. probably nicer than the best they could do. and some of them really suck. suck ttm.
The Specie D is the best.
"we aint competing so hard to get hooked,
we're just too manly to fairly choose the girls that adores us"
lol, some of them fucking want girlfriends like despo shit.
and people like him who have too many suitors, good for you.
but do choose one quick ok? the co-ed guys are waiting for gods-for-the-girls like you to make your pick so that we have some chances to get the leftovers. lol.
is getting hooked some kind of competition?
and omg, damn pissed at this sentence "get attention by their physical appearance despite their conscience, compassion and, competence of being men in true manners".
wtf, we no conscience, compassion and competence?
and get attention by physical appearance. we do dress ourselves up, but hey dude, we want ourselves to look good in front of everyone, not only the females. and it's only right that we do so, because dressing nicely for an appointment shows how important a meeting or gathering is to you, not solely to attract attention.
and summing up, you guys didn go through a co-ed life. and whatever you boys said sounded more applicable to your characteristics. like "being manly to attract", "not behaving naturally in presence of opposites" and "we are boys while they become men".
1stly, its not manly to bicker about this issue and openly saying that co-eds suck. and 2ndly, Species C and D now call us, the co-ed guys "GAY". Should we start a new discussion group on facebook named "Why other boys from all-boys' schools say we're gay"? i am in for it, i guess. COZ THEY ARE JEALOUS, lol.
see? dont try to decipher one another from completely different backgrounds, coz we will hurt each other instead. embrace our differences, and come together. and to whoever who called the manly initiator gay and really mean it, you suck, coz you just made me blog about it and made me damn pissed reading their comments.
Still, majority of the boys from boys'-schools are really nice.
people like weirong, bastien and tengyau and many many many more.
we are all gonna grow up to be men, be gentlemanly, natural and fashionable - not entirely for girls, but for a better and more gracious society. Now, i feel at ease.

2010-01-28T16:56:00.002+08:00

Only when the day is realised, am i truly devastated by my decisions.
i may have screwed all my exams and whatsoever, but i missed the true essence of being myself.
when i saw the facils running here and there, there was this suspension of feelings inside me.
it's not really that easily described, but i guess the closest word is "regretful", with some bits of "why-am-missing-out-from-all-these".
it's weird.
i just miss orientation, and i just missed one of last ones.
just what was wrong with me when i decided not to sign up for the facils interview?
the Rpapers? whattheheck, i am thoroughly pissed with myself now.
i am lost, not knowing what to do for the next few subject days while my friends are having fun with the freshies around the school, it's not that easy to crash - i dont really know everyone in school or a particular og - and that will probably make me feel rather weird being attached to any.
probably the biggest regret in my life, yet.
and you shoould know the feeling when you are regretful of your actions.
it's undescribable, and most importantly, it doesnt feel good.
sorry for any typo, but i am having difficulty seeing things clearly.
my eyes got sensitive to my contacts, and i still knowingly put the lenses on.
blame it on me.
and my ears are a little impaired too, from a blast of soundwaves through my ipod.
dont ask me why i blasted it, i dont know too.
my voice is rather squeaky, recovering from a 9-day-old cough.
life hasnt been partically good for me, with some disappointments, regrets, pisses and melancholy here and there.
one of the worst things today, besides my regret - i tried to explain to my mum how i felt missing out from the orientation and she asked me to not care about it and just focus on my studies.
she doesnt understand me that much after all.
well, i dont understand myself at well - what can i expect?
oh wells, have some great time.

disappointed in

My 200th post, welcoming 2010, probably with twice the despair of the past year.

2010-01-01T14:32:00.002+08:00

Greats, HAPPY new year.
the adjective stressed is yet a subjective term.
while people, dull people like us, wishes everyone a greater year ahead, and receiving the identical regards, just WHO can tell me that this brand new year's gonna get more active, and filled with fun, love, peace and laughter?
i am a bore. i bore people and, most importantly, myself.
at times, many times, i wonder about my existence - is it gonna change anyone's life at all? i can't even make my life better, less say others'.
a bit sad. but true.
i am a liar too. i lie to people and, most importantly, myself.
i tell people "your life's gonna get a whole lot better", and "look on the bright side, at least you didn't die" but deep down, i know that it's not gonna be so, but at least i said something, and contributed to allow one to be comforted.
and hey, how many times have i told myself, ima gonna study today, but end up... lets not talk about this, i am supposed to be studying now.
i am a sucker. i sacrifice my time for people, till at times people take me for granted. it's true that my existence is equivalent to my absence and yet i make myself present. for that, i am a sucker.
i think i am nice to people, at least i try to, and feel good about it. but sometimes, am i too nice to people? i am not even nice to myself. if i could go through mitosis, my other me would hate me and never befriend me. lol.
i hate myself. i hate the way i walk, i hate the way i do things, i hate my white hair, i hate my stretch marks, i hate scars, i hate my looks, i hate me.
i am not an emo though, since people always refer them to self-mutilating acts and red, black and white. i think i am an emoling though, like a halfing. all sad, closed up and stupid.
i am stupid. very stupid. very very stupid. i just cant stand my stupidity.
i think alot. only about the bad things though. but i like thinking about bad things. its better than trying to think about the good things. bad things and good things both being memorable, but there's still a difference. bad things are predominant over the goodies. for example, i spend a larger fraction of my life being sad, than being happy.
you know what? life just sucks.
we work so hard for a better life after our certificate, after our paychecks. but hey dudes, think about it, you life just blinked away. whatever that you are doing now is YOUR LIFE. you study for like 18years for a cert and after that you work and work and work. ALL FOR A BETTER LIFE. and when you got your so-called better life, you dont really give any damn for it, and work more for another BETTER BETTER LIFE. in the process, you are killing your life. you dont have a life. you work and study 6 days a week, yes 6, no typo, and have a remaining one quality day to shop, spend time with your family, your darlings, and friends. lol. ridiculous.
so, yeps. what a way to start my new year, but hey... at least these are the true resolutions coming from me.
not like, OMG I WANT AN IPOD.
and OMFG, I WANT TO GROW TALLER.
jerks. lol.

2009-12-07T13:09:00.001+08:00

lol, i am in school now, in their computer lab and am damn glad that the speed here is quite fast, lol. greats. gonna viwawa i guess :)

2009-12-07T00:12:00.004+08:00

the word of the day - freak.

whilst we discovered some freaks, unintentionaly and unknowingly, we ourselves became one. what an irony for freaks to call others freaks, lol.

first thing today, we, ok not we, but i was going to alight at an interchange and apparently a family of three were forming a deadlock roadblock directly in front of me in a train transit. politely, and supposedly so, i said "qing jie guo". and to my horror, they daoed me. i attempted once more with an "excuse me" and immediately it seemed as though a red carpet was rolled out ahead, welcoming me out of the Persian Gulf. See? taiwaneses' english are so good they dont understand mandarin anymore.

then, i reached ximen stop.

there were a couple of bizarre/intriguing encounters.

No. 1: we met this guy from an arts/design university who proposed a trade, but i must admit the designs that they'd come up with were rather good, though not best. bought a freakish camera pouch from him before heading off for meesua again. then we proceeded to have portugese tarts at KFC. truthfully, these tarts are nice, and they should seriously export this concept into singapore. it would be a great sale back home.

No. 2: upon the departure from kentucky, we bumped into a molester. to be more exact, a visual rapist. he raped our eyes real bad and hard. he was only in his black tight boxers briefs. i repeat, ONLY. he was conducting a survey of which the 1st question was "how's my muscles" and another "how stylish am i". now, my vocab shall come in to describe this rapist for a better answer to the survey.

Picture lu guang zhong in your mind, then thin his specs by 40% before puffing up his hair by 30%. his body is rather slim, sinfully fair, with no muscular definitions at all and wearing a hip-cut tight boxer briefs. no offense, but though it's tight, his possessions arent really noticeable, perhaps it retracted in this temperature, lol. naked in 20 degrees C, crazy. i got this sudden drive to ask for a group shot with him, glad i didnt, lol.

No. 3: there was this blind erhu player busking in the middle of nowhere. he is really really good. on par with our erhu teacher, if not better. standing on an appreciative side casting a sight on my fellow instrumental counterpart, i tossed a NT50(divide by 22.5) into his bin.

No. 4: to all earthlings, we uncovered a jeans' street sellings them at NT390 per pair. bought three colourful slims for about S$50. lol. i felt motivated after that and finally met something so cool and stylish i bought it regardless of price. woots. didnt catch any cute bags though :(

No. 5: we all know what obasans are. how about an ojisan? lol. he was standing on a ventilation-generator's platform, probably a metre taller than an average being, listening to his MP3 while swaying to the rhythm...like a retard, lol. worse still, some obasan in leopard prints joined him. lol. ultimate AA.

and, we really suck at bargaining, lol. but being with gerald and leslie is really fun. ultimate fun, lol. it's the best day so far, and time flies today. we just spent close to 10hours shopping and slacking together :) dinner was ultimatum. hotpot~ really nice with its even nicer price-tag. loves it, though not lots lots. going ktv next week i think, yays. heard it's S$5 here :) hope for the same temperature tomorrow. it's damn nice today :)

cya all and have fun :)

2009-12-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

Weekend!

saturdays are the best times of the week in singapore, with co in the morn, some random outings in the afternoon and some posh dining alongside taiwan dramas.

though a saturday in taiwan couldn't beat that, it provided some fresh experience to a country bumpkin.

it was the nine cents in the morning before a tricky five cents endeavour. i didn't really buy anything today, lol. attraction rate wasnt great enough and i gather i really nidda be alone when shopping, particularly for fashion equipments, otherwise i wouldnt really buy anything/alot. so i'd for sure return to five cents shop again for a big round of splurging.
relatively, things here are alot cheaper, including food, wears and accessories. i'd tasted some bor-bor-cha-cha look-alike at nine cents and thought it was nice, especially so on a cold day. ate boar's meat in the form of hot dogs too. i love taiwan hotdogs, thanks to weirong, lol.

it was rather comical during dinner. we ordered niu rou tang mian, and got an astonishment. they really took it literally as on the menu. niu rou tang mian means niu rou tang and mian only, not niu rou, tang, and mian. we felt scammed and ordered a plate of beef which was slightly above average.

and KOKNAM, i found 2 people who can appreciate my silver bling bling shoes.

bargaining is like cheapo and fun, lol. i really bought very little stuffs, i pity myself lol, for being a guy.

looking forward to tomorrow, a vj men-only outing. guess that's all for the day, and i am not blogging about something really embarrassing, lol.

all the best and good luck. i'd gonna take a nap on his table 1st, lol.

2009-12-07T00:01:00.002+08:00

SPORTS DAY. MALU. EMBARRASSING. TIRED. CHILLING. OHMYGOD. FASHIONISTA. CHEAP. BRIDGE. INTERACTION.

that's all for today. i'm tired and am returning to dreamload after the freezing shower later. wooh~
*edit*

something else to add on from my direct experience NOW. andy bet with his mum that i'd definitely not dare/like this leek soup. but i thought its quite sweet and refreshing and i am so definitely going to finish it, lol.

2009-12-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

Museums after museums. This routine is almost driving me nuts whilst depriving me of blog content.

the morn was tributed to gu gong, where i though had quite some flamboyant monuments. a hearthen bliss and horses (2 separate artworks) awed me . however, HOURS f time on anything is too much, much more a museum. Just when we were all low, grace's hawk-like eyes spotted a candy - a super tall associate at the museum which we thought looked like an actor.

with me being the daring hero, i gathered some queries from both evon and grace and headed to confront the apporximate 187cm candy/freak.

In chinese:

"my friends thought that you looked familiar, are you some kind of actor?"
"yes"
"Oh, which shows were you in?"
"oh, zhuan jiao yu dao ai"
"oh, then can my friends take photos with you?"

lol, its super duper hilarious. we asked to take a photo when aint supposed to take shots in the museum. he daoed us thereafter and we made good riddance of ourselves.

we attempted to sleep during the bus rides. Attempted.

Night came early as predicted and we hurriedly abandoned plans to 101 for xi men ding. the latter was disappointing - it's just like an opena dne enlarged tmall to me - while being able to offer me my styles, its just not enough nor there yet. only got a mere checkered pants i like. i only buy things i like - so koknam's ugly words cant affect me. :P

there is nothing much today. ate a wen quan dan earliets given by Auntie, and thought it was nice. cya all :)

2009-12-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

Coming to think of it, this is like going to become my diary or something in taiwan. i feel quite, outcast or maybe i am just paranoid or something.

"But it's ugly," a statement that probably confirmed that - unintentional, i hope. today, i guess, is the lunar 15th, and i'd mentioned more than once that within a day of a full moon, i will be extremely depressed, low and topsy-turvy.

Forcing a smile on cameras aint an easy task. Nor is it doing a chinese-knot. had chemistry lesson with my buddy today. i was freaking quiet, not shy though, in class. being aloof is sometimes a bliss, i guess. they actually calculate effective nuclear charges and comparative atom numbers with a given lattice. Wow, i guess. Wow Wow, since i actually understood the lesson visually though being impaired in the ears.

sian, today ended. (started at a chilling 16C) two more days to our sports meet, dang. And i am really jealous at victorians who purchased something already. I'd spent singapore dollars $1 for my milk tea and approximately 13 more on a sim card. that's all. in 3 days, i spend 14 bucks on 2 items, dang, i have to think of something to splurge on - with MY money, that is.

Today's sd card yield less than 30 pictures. thought the welcome ceremony would contribute a far amound of memory. Thought.

Saw Nicole today, hinted me something - i don't need hints but somethings are better left alone, really.

Really low at the ceremony; i am having some psychological disorder. No lies, everytime a full moon strikes, i will become a hardcore emo. something like the curse of a werewolf i guess.

Tomorrow be fun, please, and am trying to start socialising, dont know why i was so enclosed and self-protective since day 1.

Today's handwriting is on average, and i am so depressed i dont know what to share about. its a slow and imcomprehensive day today. thank god not arduous.

lets hope for an 18C tomorrow. Cya all and take care like i am. :)

2009-12-02T00:47:00.002+08:00

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail - these exact words were uttered and emphasised by Wong Keng Tong, Then, in Victoria, it's Mr Tan's slogan or something. Thus, i propose to plan my next blog entry. Plausibly, my posts will come a day later, waits, maybe many many. i am always late anyways.

So, today is the first schoolday and the second date from the departure. We went to a place called maokong today. Mountains and forestry, you know? it's like an impregable and forbidden fortress...of tea. Tea cultivations are so abundant that the dry air reeks of the bitter wulong leaves. This part of the story is boring, lol. Excursions and work, how can it be fun? Maybe it can, but i don't pin high hopes for it.

Fear not, coz the next word brought anticipation, vigour and incentives to be high and "un-bored" - camwhore-madness. Not really madness since 4 cameras collated somewhat 200 over pictures today. But we were literally and practically mad, jumping here and there, racing down the almost never-ending path and similar idiotic accomplishments like the "Penis Game". lol.

We arrived back in school sometime near 6.20pm, when the sky appeared too ebony it semms like 8.30pm to me.

Dinner was a buffet at an American-themed restaurant. Had a hard time munching down the tobasco-ridden chicken wing. And guess what? My dinner comprised of only a palm-sized steak, a chicky breast, and the damned wing. Gosh, i was full after that. And i must stress that it's a buffet, what a waste, lol. It's quite cheap for a buffet dinner though, $17 per se.

Initially wanted to shop the night market alongside the NASSA restaurant as from above. Curfew. Period.

My handwriting is even uglier than yesterday's. God.

Well, today, at least, i got to know a few acquaintances, though no as close but we will be, at least i hope it will be so.

5 minutes to 12am. Sun gonna rise in like 5 hours, god. Me and my plunging metabolism, curfew and school is killing me, i hope i get to see the other victorians REALＲＥＡＬREALＳＯＯＮ. When i repeat a word 3 times, it means that it is real. Cya all :)

2009-11-30T21:38:00.002+08:00

while uploading the photos onto facebook, maybe i should blog. and wala, i actually wrote a blog note for the first time, with bits and pieces of my blogging details on my day 1.

Pinning down my thoughts upon my entrance into this new environment - the new home - for 18 days, that is. Preparing for my blog entry now, black and white, literally in graphite.

His house is, how should i phrase it? Quiet? Something like that, but inject some bits of warmth and that should fit the description better. Speaking of descriptions, here is something from my perspective on my new house.

Tiday, with a colossal collection of books ranging from literature to geography and amounting to an eventual menacing number of finance guides. Weather here is like a mild conditioning of about 25 degree C i guess. At least i know that my ex-room's (for the time being) 23 can kill, no joke. Woots, room. I don't miss home, as expected, since i set out to experience and enjoy without interference in the first place.

Diverting, my handwriting sucks now.

Ok, back. Zhengyu's dad is an english tutor at a local institution, cool eh? He's been really friendly, and i tried hard not to compare. Plus, i am rather taken aback by the fact, witness and first-hand experience of the existence of mozzies at such a temperature. Boomz, now i have more marks on my already-flawed thighs.

It's a really weird feeling you know? To be sunburnt on friday and coming to a 70 Fahrenheit destination with the red pigments detracting your appearance, STILL（note that this is on purpose to imitate our amiable and fashionate queen, Ris Low). Now, that's like so shingz.

Tomorrow is the day, the day being a schoolday, hopefully not arduous incomprehensive, and long.

Good luck everyone, good luck for everything and anything, and yes, i finally admit that luck plays an important role in our lives too, beside "All the best", the holy "Karma", and "Equilibrium".

Addicted , it's a nice book - something light yet with depth, analytical and sets one thinking. I was really impressed with the way they brought up negative externalities in the 20th century in the form of equine and how you'd probably die being a drunk-walker than a drunk-driver. Ultimate pawnage in the book, with contents that a normal person probably wouldnt ever think of. And yays, i have the next 17 days to complete it.

Muacks, and take care. :)

2009-11-18T02:02:00.003+08:00

wow, the feeling is back.

the feeling of being attached to another world.

another world - virtual yet realistic, filled with excitement, jubilation, melancholy, and examples.

examples to learn from, examples that mimick our daily lives, in a more exaggerating manner.

addicted to this new drama, 海派甜心.

still thinking that it's a nice show, hilarious with, so far, one hint of touch.

just viewed the 3rd episode, and dang, nidda wait till sunday for the next upload.

momo love's cast is a bit disappointing, since i hoped for aaron yan and xiao gui.

and i am sorta like jealous of 3 out of the 5 brothers she has.

180, 185 and 195 if not mistaken.

what the shit is this? the world isnt fair, i am stunt at lik 17X.

omg. and the X is a constant since two years ago, where x is 0 < x < 2.>

the world isnt fair - i must stress this.

i like rainie, she's like so cool.

really cool.

and some of the people from china, they have really nice clothes, with just a lil bit of the accent, and look like normal people, people like us.

and not those that we USUALLY see here.

goddamn, the world isnt fair. singapore is invaded, lol.

normal people like us become abnormal in their presence.

at least i know that some of these people are actually normal, really normal.

i really miss the addicted-to-drama-and-cant-wait-to-chiong-the-epi feeling.

it's been slightly more that a year i think.

as time flies further and faster, i think this feeling will eventually be lost permanently.

perhaps thats how teenagers plunge into adulthood.

i think most adults are deprived, except for those singers and actors.

they can still keep their hair, clothes, attitude, and all.

lets take examples for reference, a teacher, a doctor, an executive, and an artiste.

teachers - students always bitch about them. if you wear nice and different clothes everyday, students will bitch about you being very rich, and say something like "you are not like a normal teacher". principals will tell you to change your dress code to something blend and boring. homogeneity sucks. lol. and being an example for your students, hair length must be kept short, neat and no fancy styles, lol. sadded.

a doctor has to wear that robe everyday, noone will actual notice you for your glam clothes, your hair needs to be bunned up by that disgusting bun-thingy. yucks.

executives - blazers, blazers and more blazers. omg, hot though you can look quite glam in it.but who the hell wants to wear a blazer everyday? boring and mundane. boss catches hair also. wear nice nice people also bitch about you in workplace, say "rich spoilt brat come our company work for what?" *sighs*

Artistes. you have stylists spraying your hair everyday, designers to plan out your daily wears, and managers to line out your schedules for you. dream job with high pays while being the icon of attention everywhere you go. nice hair, nice clothes, good attitude and confidence. lol.

see? most adults in the society are deprived. in face, all the guys are deprived when they get into the ns. no hair, and uniforms. in SS, we study that with conformed hairstyles and attire in the army, there is no difference between each man, and that everyone is treated the same be it the colour of religion. everyone will thus be happy and bonded together. wow. *claps* if we have hair and fashion, does it means that we will be treated differently and less bonded? i dont know, how sad :(

i dont want to be an adult, can i die anytime soon?

i dont mind 2012, though i just came out from the army.

at least i will die fit, with no hair though.

what's the point of living life till the 80s?

each year that passes, you will find that you are actually working to save money and not spending it.

a house that costs a million (norm in the future) will take a normal dude close to 20 years of scrimping and saving.

wake up, shit, work, eat, shit again, bathe, sleep, wake up, shit...

the cycle continues.

for now, we are having a --> wake up, shit, study, eat, play/relax, shit again, bathe, homework, sleep, wake up, shit.

at least we still have a fraction of a day for play/relax.

now, for me, i think it's the sleep-part.

cya all, gonna source for a skin and try to update this ugly blog.

2009-11-11T13:42:00.003+08:00

lol our class suck,

ok joking, but our class can never ever go for a single kbox shit...

either last minutes backoffs, or miscommunications...

just sent a msg to DRAGONS, and got a reply from almost all but two of the people.

see? we rock :P

ok whatevers, byes

2009-10-29T14:19:00.004+08:00

Pissed, he rushed out of school, and coincidentally, the bus arrived just as he approaches the bus stand.
Things flow smoothly on bad days, always.
Upper deck's rear seat, a confinement location to keep himself self-obsessed whilst not attracting all the attention.
Reminiscence, a powerful and dominating noun, took place. Oh great.
1st, it was the taxi driver this morning.

Driver: Isnt schooling the best?
He: No?
Driver: You must study, in Singapore, paper qualifications can never be do-withouts. You suffer now, and reap fruits of satisfaction and enjoyment ever onwards. Never the way around, remember.

True, but Fuck him, coz he mentioned the word Fucked-Up to describe something about Singapore.
Great, a pre-lecture to the HOD-welcome session.
Not even getting a chance to greet her, she started with the entire condemnation procedure.
She mentioned some things, some things that provided hints with the way he should construct and reply his answers. Thinking back, he is prepared to jot them down on his blog.

Holy HOD: Why do you have difficulty with Chemistry concepts?
He: Sometimes, the way the teacher reaches out is inappropriate or unsuitable for some.
Holy HOD: Is it just you? Or is it the whole class? (wanting a comparison with the class as a whole)
He: No, I guess it is only me.

Later on;

Holy HOD: The comments from your GP tutor said that you were quite laid back during class.

He: It's not just me, everything is laid back during GP. ( trying to grant a comparison with the class)

Holy HOD (almost typoed it as GOD): But this is not about the others, it's about YOU, you know?

Fuck me, lol.

That was just one example. She mentioned that chatting with him made her "more and more angry". He was pissed by the degradation, disrespect and condemnation in the 1st place to answer rationally, but look who's more irrational in the answers? *STARES AT GREEN AND ORANGE PARTS*

Holy HOD: What did you write on the green form the other time?

He: I wasn't asked to write or hand it in.

Holy HOD: You mean you didn't hand this in and wasnt told by Ms Chen the last time you met her.

He: Yes.

Holy HOD: Shouldn't you have checked with her, or your CT, about it?

He: I wasnt given instructions to do anything with it. (ISNT THIS AN INSTRUCTION?)

Holy HOD: So you are just trying to be a smart aleck here giving me such excuses?

What the fucking shingz, lol.

Moving on with life on the bus, the pissed-off feeling and total disrespect made him cry like mad.

Like mad, really.

Thank god, the upper deck was quite empty with students listening to their ipod touches.

The previous time he cried on a bus was a year ago, when Ash-i-Kin belittled and degraded performers - he will never forget that.

He made up his mind. The world does not permit the existence of stupid people - they are the do-withouts of the society, ought to die on birth and never be allowed to contribute to the aggravation of carbon dioxide concentration on earth. He thought that he sucks (not sucked since he is still sucking). Totally Sucks. "I suck, I suck like fucking hell shit," he repeats in his mind.

Then, the powerful and dominating word came into the picture, again.

"Okay class, I'd like everyone to think of one achievement that you have accomplished this year, and share it with the class."

Lol. He really dont have any to start with, until now, it's still a fucking no.

He sucks.

His answer, supposedly being his achievement, was the most important object in VJC to him now.

Chinese Orchestra (CO), and more importantly, the members.

He may not be a spoken person in CO, but he enjoys being with them.

He can not remember about anything he's troubling with when around these marvelous people in CO.

That made him feel a little better.

Until the Godly "Reminiscence" came into the picture, again.

Secondary school's CO made him feel as though he was just there to be there.

If he's not with them at the moment, it would totally be a better place for the members.

They could joke better, have better fun themselves, and everything and anything goes right for them.

Noone, really noone, could ever tell why he's mostly so emo with the ex-CO-seniors around.

He felt belittled, insignificant, puny, neglected and inferior.

Even on the eve before his birthday last year, where there was a CO outing for some forgotten reason, he felt so tiny. Noone there wished him a happy birthday that day, or the next.

That day was a full moon. He always feels sad on full moons - it's predestined.

And guess what? He cried his way back home, walking from Eunos station, not choosing a bus as a mode of transportation on that day, before his birthday began.

Fucking cry-baby right? Lol, he sucks.

Guess what's next? You're right, Reminiscence again.

He wanted to text his feelings to someone, to at least calm him down a little.

Dragons/Boomz (some 17 people clique)? No, he doesnt want to affect their mood.

Victorians? No, noone close enough. Sadly, but true.

He wants to be true, and let out secrets not known to anyone later when he blogs.

He loves to cry, especially the feeling when you really want to explode into tears yet holding it back.

He guesses that it's the same reason why people practise self-mutilation - a form of torture that derives satisfaction, releasing and reliefing oneself from pain.

"Why didnt i feel stressed at all before the age of 16.66?" Before 16.66, stress comes in the form of motivation.

"Why such results? Must work harder okay?" - There was this tone of disappointment, concern and hope.

Now, stress comes in the form of MORE stress.

"Why such results? You need to drop a subject to H1." - There was this tone of rejoice, lets-get-this-HOD-session-over-and-done-with, i-dont-really-care and condemnation.

Lol, he sucks.

He thought to himself, " If this disrespect thing comes again and i didnt make it for my R-papers, Ima jump."

People may say, "Aiyoh, talk talk only lah, he wun dare to die one lah."

But he is different. He is not afraid of death.

To him, it's worse off than death to be alive and living in sorrow.

And he aims to die young, really young, and doesnt mind dying now.

Noone can change his thoughts. He is adamant in his thinking, and actions, or maybe just it's just pure stubbornness in him.

He finally reached home, switched on his computer, still crying, and starting typing on his blog.

Words appeared on the screen: "Pissed, he rushed out of school, and coincidentally, the bus arrived just as he approaches the bus stand. Things flow smoothly on bad days, always."

He just loves to write 3rd-person analysis on sad experiences, doesnt he.

Have a good day everyone, be happy and see ya. :)

SCHOOL BLOGGING

2009-10-27T13:04:00.002+08:00

LOL, I can't believe that I am actually blogging with my itouch :P and because there isn't an enter on the touchpad, I cannot make my blog post more organized and chio-we to read :P and guess what, I actually enjoy doing this, LOL :P and I am also quite irritated that they auto caps my LOL, see? Irritating sia... And I am doing this during op presentation which I think is damn rude, LOL.omg this is seriously super fun, everyone who has an itouch should really try this :P and thanks slot youngyee for making it possile for me to blog in school is e 1st place :) and the smilie I added in really looked weird :P now it's Jervis' turn to present and I love e dun forget e dialect lyrics poster, very chio :) jr look like abeng sitting at the row of chairs, LOL :P wasai, everyone using facebook as publicity platform, quite competitive on this part, so we must make this part super nice :P and jr just reminded me of my primary school teacher, that although should never follow behind a however, LOL. And Ben just asked melissa a question from which the answer is like exactly their entire conclusion, LOL :P ok, whatever... I am going to go off now, though it's still quite fun to blog with my itouch :) ok, cya all and I hope that I wun screw up my op again on the actual date :P good luck all for your op, and byes byes :)

2009-10-09T01:04:00.001+08:00

2009-09-24T02:01:00.003+08:00

Lets make this an educational blog.
Read, heard and watched about Ris Low, Miss Singapore Universe 2009.
And wow, I sure am impressed with everything.
The judging, the interviews, her fashion and her aura.
She reminds me of someone I'd met in life. They are dearly similar. But dang, I can't remember who. =/
here are the videos that I'd watched in the past minutes and thought I ought to share all the fun moments with everyone. Have fun watching the intellectual videos about our own national treasure. Oh my fucking god, lol.

I'd never forget the super 拽 face when she replied saying "depends on my mood" followed by the twitching of her eyebrows. Priceless. It's this part that reminds me of someone, tell me if you remember, lol. Congratulations Ris Low on becoming Miss Singapore Universe 2009. Congratulations Singapore, Congratulations.

2009-09-22T14:10:00.002+08:00

Beyonce faces a probable ban from world tour destination, Malaysia, as her performance was said to weaken the young morally and mentally.
Kanye West crashes the stage at MTV Video Music Awards, jerking the microphone from Taylor Swift's hand, proclaiming that the Best Female Video should belong to Beyonce and not Swift. Watch the video, it's everything you need to know to start pitying for Swift, go rocking and loving the classy Beyonce, and i don't know what about West. Beyonce was really classy.

Big time news about what's becoming of the music industry. Sad, i guess.
Sad.

2009-09-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time, rather contradicting though since you know that months had passed and being supposedly a long time frame, it just felt like yesterday was orientation.
Blogging at 2.38am, weekday, about Lloyd's reflections.
He's been thinking a lot - extensively beyond what his mind can hold - about his life after secondary education; about his woes; about his existence; and about the people around him.
He was in Ngee Ann a while ago, before stumbling upon a treasure chest bring him to the Victorian Neverland.
It's a good thing being in an impressive school thought of by many.
But in life, equilibrium dominates every action. When you get a good, you will also lose a good, or perhaps receive a bad.
Moving on in life, he's lost some aspects of friendship that can never be recovered.
He will never get to see all his best friends every day, knowing when all can meet up for an outing, and the constant bitching and assistance amongst them.
As we travel a further distance towards the end of our life, we lose more and more.
Commitment to your National Service, career, a special someone and marriage costs you something. National Service comes in when guys start to gain their lofty muscles at the expense of time to pursue a greater degree of knowledge, or for a closer attachment to friends. Then, we start working. He becomes a musician, and she becomes a radiologist. Paths mismatch, common topics run dry rapidly. Then your true love comes into the picture and you promise to love one person and live your life with a sole individual in marriage. Then, do you have the excess capacity to love your friends? Fact is, most of our parents don't have true acquaintances already. They only have each other.
Isn't it sad? Friends you met at the age of 15, probably the most innocent and carefree bunch, starting to drift away due to the destined lives we possess.
Seeing his life evolve day by day, to one that he does not desire, yet not being able to do anything about it, induces a melancholic state of mind in him.
Lloyd watched a movie today, solo.
The Time Traveler's Wife.
Henry led a sad life. So sad. Life's a hunt.

2009-07-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

i intended to post, yet the sudden rush of fatigue discouraged/stupified me.
so, i shall blog tomorrow that is if i have the energy.
major events highlight on 28th of july - gary's got a slight fever and his buddy is currently staying with me. 2ndly, I AM VERY TIRED, lol.
cya all.

2009-07-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

konichiwa!
watashiwa heng qi hao!

no worries, i am not going to blog in japanese. :P
ok, today is my one-day anniversary with my dear taiwan buddy :)
he's from 师大, and i'd really wished my buddy's from there coz it's like a freaking cool school :)
his english is not that bad, he proclaims being able to understand but unable to pass orals. :)
yesterday was a day at suntec where we ate at JustAcia (winks at dion), where the food was way better than that in the downtown outlet.
camwhore madness began sometime when we arrived there, having people at least 30minutes late.
victorians made a dedication at the fountain of wealth, and waited slightly for the words to be reflected and the taiwanese seemingly are not surprised at the dedication or maybe it's just that they are not familiar with our colloqial slang at all.
walked and walked and walked, at the speed of 1/5 that of running a napfa...
played some games at the open plaza outside the esplanade, and left for home minutes after my new white watch struck the 11th mark.
apparently, both of us were so tired that we woke up at what seemed like 7.25am to me but actually 1.25pm.
left for bugis at 3pm, intending to SOLELY accompany him in his shopping spree after lunch...
BUT, it ended up with me having 2 times the spree he made.
dang, i didn want to spend - seriously...i guess...
WHO TELL THEM TO PUT THE 50% DISCOUNT ON THE PRICE TAG, SUPER TEMPTING LEH!
me spent close to 200bucks, period.
my buddy got a nice bag WHICH the glamorous me said "那个不错" on 1st sight and that somehow influenced him to forgo his 7 red-notes on it.
if only i hadnt promised my mum not to buy any more bags this year...
hais...blame me for being so promising. lol :P
then we went for dinner at the international seafood restaurant for a feast that somehow didnt content me as much as before.
didnt get to look at the bill but probably a 20% more than the usual since as mentioned, "it was a feast."
tomorrow will the sentosa bitching.
10am at harbourfront.
gonna wake up earlier and have breakfast there i guess, just the two of us (winks winks).
ok, here's a analysis of my buddy based on his 2-day stay so far. (i am gonna be honest and dont care if he reads this or not coz i just wanna speak the truth)
he is 50% yaoyi when it comes to shopping.
he is 50% huiting when it comes to squids.
he is 50% ashikin when it comes to bio-loving.
he is 50% qihao when it comes to introverting.
he is 50% eric when it comes to anything, i guess.
so yeps, thats how it's been for me so far. and hope for a blossoming friendship soon.
CYA all.

2009-06-28T08:15:00.000+08:00

OMG I JUST CHECKED THE SCHOOL WEBSITE AND IT STARTS ON 7TH JUNE! I HAVE ONE MORE WEEK TO MAINTAIN A PASS FOR MIDYEARS, I WILL TRY! YAYS

2009-06-28T07:53:00.002+08:00

procrastination has a price to pay, but it hadnt really impact me since nong nong years ago...
i am prepared to fail, watch me
i just realised last night before resting, and dang, i'd forgotten about the 20% weightage towards the promos...
i cant possibly get 0, right? wait, i can
i need a 40 to maintain a pass if suayly i get 60 for promos, deducting the 3% from home-based assignments which i really dont care a damn for...
there's a fatal problem with people like me using notes as academic material...
pictographic memory shuts off with nothing but alphabets and numbers flying into and, most importantly, out of me...
i traced back, SS last year only commanded my little attention for the "best" notes ever on earth...
i used it for formatting, and only read when forced...
textbooks - my love...
textbooks alone got me to vjc, and it should not end here...
i am going to buy my texts and start reading the moment the midyears end.
how isit gonna end? gosh, i dont wanna retain but there's hardly anything i can do now to save myself from the total damnation of doomededed...
and yahoo, my parents are gonna meet mr chan~
reprimanded, but i got my script ready :P
the world's puny, at least singapore is and i met shawn in what-my-mum-told-me aljunied, and shawn's paya lebar-ing..
before witnessing his existence, it was more of like looking a tonnes of people, in different batches but knowing one another, coming to the food court...
spotted that they must have come from the same church or someething like that...
told shawn that my 1st paper was gp, coz i hope so...
it's the only thing i am looking forward to currently :)
at least i know i wont get 40 for it...
honestly, i am serously unsure of whats coming tmr - particularly the specific subject tested on...
ima gonna die~
nin-nab-u, adapted from an ahbeng i saw yesterday or otherwise stand for nin-na-bu..
procrastination comes with a price, a price that complements play...
it's too late now, for whatever is coming ahead in the next week, for i still have time for promos and probably the only guy with textbooks in hand for the next semesters...
good luck all, have fun after the promos...
me gonna mug starting from AFTER the midyears...
and yep, to edit the script to face mr chan when it comes...
cya, vi viva victoria...
me shame shame be victorian, sians...

2009-06-07T02:16:00.003+08:00

LOL, today is a saturday
and cant believe we went sentosa today :P
Ice Dragon is the bomb, lol... short of ID, cool... :D
i am officially the crimson dragon of scorches in ID :D
in chinese...
umm... it shall be 赤焰龙, lol...
we failed volleyball, failed captainsball, and literally every ball game :P
buried gaoyang, and engleong was super sick :P
he was like harbouring some motives going to sentosa...
then when he saw no babes, he started playing psp before the monorail...
reached there, no babes, sleep with his goggles... super cute :)
he like some sick old uncle mixing with us, lol... :P
dion went there to eat...
and jiahao was busy destroying ant nests...
up till here, i think we quite no life :P
lol, zengmei was malued like always...
and we just chatted on and on...
koknam joined us... late...
all but him got sunburnt...
and we soaked ourselves in the detergent-, fart-, pee-, poo-, sweat- and saliva-infested sea...
we drank some, while some purged into our nostrils...
dion was the 1st to get cramps...
and yeps, i cant swim...
T_T
lol, they had their time...
and soon, we bathed...
and wala...
waited for the girls for what seemed like 30minutes...
ok, maybe more... :P
and went for dinner, having a western bacon thickburger upsized, large and onion rings...
WWOOOOOHSS~~
shiok! i was damn fool... :D
chatted like mature people at the wooden planks at vivo..
and left for home sometime after 10?
reached home at 12, so i think we left at 11+ :D
facebooked, and blogging now :D
tired and looking forward to my next post...

2009-05-26T00:36:00.002+08:00

lol, just went a took a look at birthday photos taken on 19th and 20th april.
on the 19th, it was probably the peak of fatness in my entire life.
i was freaking FAT at kbox!
isit e lighting? or e clothes? or e hair?
I WAS DAMN FAT.
on 20th i looked shrunk, a lil i guess.
omg, witnessing fats, i'd rather be e skinny bamboo stickman than to be a sumo wrestler.
it's freaking scary, shit.
i am so obsessed now, nidda slim my face down.
my waist go any less and i am a monster, lol.
OMG! FATS!
do i sound desperate? i tink i do.
no dieting, just minimise. SET.
shit, am i talking to myself.
i think i am so random and weird today.
~~~
ok, i am so possessed i dont think i can continue, bye

2009-05-20T23:54:00.002+08:00

mundane cycle
snoozes till 6.35am
drags till 7.10am
just misses bus
flags for cab
tries going for class
draw, rest and eat
draw rest and eat again
dismissal - everyone gets high for an instance
orchestra from 3.30pm to 7.30pm+ - braindead by 6.30pm, just reading off the scores and stoning from fatigue
waits for dinner
attempts to leave school at 8.30pm
reaches bus stop at 9.00++pm
bus to parkway
banmian/foodcourt/fastfood/hawkercentre till 10pm
leaves for home
reaches at 10.30pm ideally
bathe, stone, and sleeps between 12am to 2am
snoozes till 6.35am...

omg, i am tired...
but i like it :D it's fun. with more coming its way.
so waalaa, byes

2009-05-06T23:17:00.002+08:00

i still cant keep my mind off syf now.
and this is going to be the 1st time you see so many fullstops in my post.
let me describe what happened at the conference hall today.

we arrived at the hall at least an hour before our actual performance.
and like any other school, we were warming up in the tuning room.
15minutes passed.
and it's time for us to go for the hit.
1st was the set piece, scenic jiangnan.
we played it.
and then it was 行云.
jessica's solo - the coming in was ok, the delivering at the-behind-part was damn chio. chio to the max max max max max.
then i was extremely emotional, no kidding, and by the time it reached the 1st chorus, OMG, i was tearing and i sorta like composed myself whilst in the music itself.
i wasnt part of the ending, which made me feel weird but OMG, i dare say it's at least a whopping 90%.
to be entirely honest, if it's really strict, scenic faired a silver-high, or a gold-low.
ok, continuing, we went back to school and rushed back to the hall in hope of witnessing the other schools perform to find out that we needed tickets, which we obviously dont have, to enter.
so we went subway to let time take its course.
then it was the results.
we ran here and there to find ourselves, in the end, not in the theatre.
so we assembled outside, somewhat directly under the speaker, all ears to what the emcee - definitely not a pro angmoh speaker - was pronouncing.
and straight after nanyang, no. 6, i was holding onto my relaxed fists, praying to all the gods a free-thinker has.
"No. 7, Victoria Junior College, Gold."
*silence*
*silence*
*silence*
i was breathing hard silently in silence.
thoughts were in many whirls in that split second.
then, everything went blank for the next second.
then, the word "why?" dominated my mind.
it continued so until i dont know when.
we, carrying heavy footsteps, walked down flights of stairs to gather in the middle assembly.
and surprisingly, guo chang suo remembered me for who i am and came forward to ask me something.
"which school are you in now?"
"victoria."
"not bad, unhappy with gold?"
"yep."
"huhs?~get gold still unhappy?"
*walks off*
omg he made me more emotional.
then, the rest of the victorians privileged/under-privileged enough to get into the theatre joined us later, a lot later.
and shit, i saw someone crying.
and damn, another someone was crying.
this contagious illness struck my damaged immune system, rendering me difficulty in fighting back tears.
and waalaa.
i followed.
cried and stoned and emoed and reflected and cried more and stoned more and emoed more and reflected more and the cycle repeats itself to aggravate the situation.
and qihaoing bastards give that qihaoing attitude.
think honours damn zai ah?
we worked hard.
we sacrificed.
we gave our bests.
we shared.
we dined like no tomorrows.
we ended our last syf not in regrets for being a gold orchestra lacking the honours.
we ended it in an unforgettable way - a good memory of xiangle puffing up his face during practices; a fabulous think-back of all our smiles and laughters whilst practising; a wonderful reminiscence of all the dinners in thaipan, at jasmine's godma's banmian hangout or eating mu-e-eh with curry chicken thighs at parkway.
.

2009-04-16T22:37:00.002+08:00

elo, its me again...
and guess what? today is THURSDAY!
and you know what that means? TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!
:D :D :D
i love it when fridays draw near, its like sooooooo cool :D
though i dont know why its cool and why i like fridays soooo much :D

just read joshua's blog, analysed abit, and came up with some pangsai :D
well, vj life looks fun from the outside - totally agree, lol
from the inside, it's not as fun as expected - yeps :D
friendships not super-strengthened, lack of rest and time and factors lik that makes it not as fun, yet. it's just so different from sec sch - everything varies now -
from schedules to lunches and dismissals to ccas.
absolute fun value is definitely lower than that in sec sch coz of these changes.
but percentage fun? unknown. it's subjective. come to think of it, ngee ann is really freaking fun like noooo tomorrowS, and yep, better than vj life now. and why is sec sch life so great? good friends who support and hang out like crazy, loving teachers easily bullied, mamamia cca acquaintances and yep, basically, it's about friends. very close ones.
and this is the year of SYF, and also the sporty seasons :D, so yeps, everyone's probably too engrossed in all the activities such that they dont even have time for adequate rest, and needless to say, further plays that drain that minute amount of remaining energy from them such that they cant even support themselves in standing postures.
ok, maybe i exaggerated. but yeps, leave everything to after syf :D
we will organise mooooore outings :D
who doesn want that? perhaps selfish people who dont need friends - retarded whores.
i think (almost)everyone in class wants to be alot more bonded together, having fun like the times in sec 3 - no Os to worry about, just go out catching movies, gossiping, playing retarded games and scream and shout like mad people - and we're getting closer, i think.
time and initiative.
i am really dying for 54 to be super together.
i dont know why but perhaps its dejavu that i have this feeling 54 is going to be the most memorable and exciting class, for me, ever in life.
and it'd better happen, lol
i just take out paper and draw "09s54" out of no reason, then thought that i was designing something, and so, shirts then, lol...
do i sound desperate? lol, i think i do, and i admit i am.
at least i admit, lol
desperate...not for girls lik i'd never seen any before, but for FWENS who defines a percentage of your life for you.
it's not that i have no friends, but, confidantes and crazy/on/freaking nice people to talk to is what everyone needs now, correct me if i am wrong.
time, how long more? we have 1.5 years more to create bombastic history.
:D gambate.

2009-04-12T00:06:00.002+08:00

lol, in vj, i find more pro gossipers then me...
lol, and i was known for gossiping back in nas, lol...
so it was saturday minutes ago, and yeps, early in the morning we had full dress rehearsal in the pt so we were like wearing full black with silver tie - its quite nice :D
and then amanda was like so scary, again
its like :

me: amanda, can help me tie tie?
amanda: NO

eventually benedict helps me with e tie, thanks :D
i still cant pronounce benedict - its either with t but no c, not with c but no t...
it's weird, lol
and, uh, i am still quiet... sighs.
i dont know, it's just that i cant speak up in co lik that in class or in orientation...
it's weird...
the rehearsal just zoomed past in what seemed to be like 20min.
and everything's like over, and ready for lunch...
yangzhouchaofan :D and i met huiting and chatted with her for a while, just a while...
sighs agains...
then saw joshua and bastien with school ties over their necks...wow...
then we went through the concert songs like once for each piece, and dismissed at sometime near 4 i guess...
then i joined frisbee, sighs...
and played for like some time till its lik 6 and we left for the co room where i stoned outside for like an hour before going for dinner at pastamania...
marinara - linguine, combo 2, cream of tomato, iced lemon tea!!!!!!!!
noone was sitting in front of me while having dinner...
and everything proceeded on with me still being the silent one...
gossip madnesses and rebecca joined us somewhere through, then we left for home...
sighs, the end...
lol, can someone teach me not to be quiet? lol...
sighs.

2009-04-10T18:10:00.002+08:00

zoinks~
you know what? school has been bombastically fun mixing around with the cool and glam people :D
the involvement in anything and everything evolves anyone and everyone into some monstrosity deprived from the subjective-term "sleep"...
cca is rocking, playing fengnianji and longteng is really cool though not having touched on them for quite some time already :D
and i love pugongyingdeyueding to the maxxxxxxxxx!
it's super chio :D
not some kind of veteran in the set and choice pieces yet, but yep, somewhere there...
conversations with koknam always made me feel a lil weird, as if the worlds we're in are like completely alienated from each other...
i am freaking nervous and scared of the selection tomorrow...if what i hold is lost, i will be lost. completely lost. and koknam's got it already...it's just so different.
its good to be in mj, coz competition is minimised by like, close to 70% i suppose. but its not good to be in mj either, coz people fail madly there like there's no tomorrow which i cannot take.
i dont mug, i really dont, people know me for that.
but i know i can understand stuffs easily, independently.
as far as i know, i dont fail as long as i read through beforehand. :D
and this is a characteristic about me - 遇强则强，遇弱则弱.

there's so much insecurity in vj, not over our material possessions, but more of psychological and mental ones...
it's fun, but you dont know what's gonna happen anytime coz people generally dont show what they feel, dont do what they think they should do, and dont express what you dont want them to express...
it's just, ummm, weird...
like me XD
i dont know what to blog about now, though i knew i started with so many topics in mind...
i feel like vomit, lol...
eat yourself la...
randoms~ :D

2009-03-31T19:37:00.002+08:00

today is 31st march, and blogging off at 19:37 upon my return home.
today, we have pe consisted a game of ultimate frisbee, ok, maybe two games. winning percentage = 50%, and joshua is good, really good at hitting things off people's possessions. :D
today, i had my co interview for the pending and yet-to-be-decided entry to becoming an exco member again. and
today, i feel insecured for the 1st time in vj.
i didn present my very best to the interviewers today, but i was definitely truthful, or at least a can swear a 99% credible.
their faces were really scary - nice people becoming beasts longing for us to satisfy their thirst of cannibalism.
just something about myself to everyone who dont know me that well..
i LOVE cip, it's something that's inside my blood - i take joy and content from the activity itself and at the same time deriving inspirations and reflections from it and on it...
it's supernova camp 3 years ago when i collected newspaper with the campers for charity - proceeds to SPD. i was super high whilst the collection and am really proud of myself being able to relate to people within the building - irregardless of skin-tones - and being able to gather colossal kilograms of newspapers for charity.
i was damn proud and satisfied with myself - i'd never felt that way before sec 2.
and since then, cip is something i devote myself to. i dont do it for the hours, i do it for the recipient and i do it for myself.
and i was super disappointed in the 4r1 people when we collected newspaper for cip last year.
people, even close friends, dont find it worth doing and are shying from knocking of doors to receive donations...
i was to a certain extent pissed then, and when i ranted to koknam - if i remember correctly it was him - people started to change and do the right things the right way.
and i will be joining the nkf youth group something this year, but after my syf coz i dont wanna join without contribution and devotion - thats why i say i cannot participate in project winnie coz i know i cant devote time in it.
and i desire respect, it's ok if you dont appreciate but please respect.
i went tearing over respect issues in many junctures in my life..
it's something that is important to me.
and i cry alot. alot for a guy.
i can go all emo suddenly and dont talk for a day to anyone at all.
and sometimes i can go all wirey and jump and scream lik crazy.
and i dont like myself, period.
before today, i've never known that we cannot play card games in vj - coz i see people playing in vj, in concourse and in treehouse before. wow, lets go treehouse to play next time, i think it's damn cool there.
i need friends, i want friends, desperately forever.
it's the most important subject in life ever.
i want to be nice to everyone who deem fits for me to, and if i sound offensive or am having inappropriate attitudes towards you, please let me know - i will change, definitely.
i am qihao who demands respect and friendship, and i dont like myself.
that's a summary of this post, and yep, byes.
i am not particularly happy posting anyways.

2009-03-29T09:14:00.002+08:00

lethargic, and it's aggravation as i foresee the even more demented and ardous journey ahead...
it's not effortless for one to be involved in anything and everything, and even more so in this always-so-hectic environment i am exposed to in the past months...
it's ideal, and deriving substantial amounts of pleasure and enjoyment when being involved, but yet my character isn't just like that of some other individuals - those that when exposed to strangers for the first time, am willing to lie their arms over the latter's shoulders and calling him friend.
it's just weird, friendship is something that complements which time and exposure.
and for me, the ever-so-shy person, it's not like an overnight thing for me to accustom myself to new-beings and sorta like become very close friends.
basic courtesy comes in, and care, and concern, before a relative strong bond is formed - friendship bond. :D
and this bond is endothermic - it requires colossal amounts of energy to establish.
taking this endothermic reaction as that of a 99-storey structure ~
i am one step closer to the summit of the high-rised building, it's gonna be a harsh, tiring and time-consuming path ahead, but at least i take into consideration the joy and sense of accomplishment received from the process of the tedious and long climb, rather than that when i use the lift which deprives exposure. It's gonna be an enjoyable climb, one with new friends supporting and accompanying you. and sometime before, or at, the peak, this bond strengthens.
i dont feel sad when i blog, it's more of like writing down my life.
a different phase of my life, i suppose.
i'd never really come down and ponder hard over this period of time due the cramped-up schedule, and i am doing it now - i think it's good, at least i make myself be known.
lol, i am freaking shy in co.
it's not like i dont wanna mix around, but more of like i have no topics to start with. they are (really really really)^∞ nice people, but i am lost as to how to go about relating to them. somehow, they know at least one other peorson in vjco when they join - previous schoolmate i suggest.
and it's quite comfortable for them to settle down, good for them :D
i still need some time to open myself up to the co people.
perhaps next week, i should try.
try harder than the previous attempts, if any.
FWENS - the most important subject in life.
byes~

2009-03-23T23:45:00.003+08:00

wow, if we compare apple by apple, ngee ann is a band two school :D
find the part whereby ngee-ann-will-never-be-able-to-pass-band-three pretty sad T_T
went back for founders' day today :D
the celebration was ok and food was average, but the feel was alright :D
mr lim's words inspired me again ==''
he always does that, and i like it... :D
he made me work for my Os...but i am not satisfied with it, really...
sciences were a real horror/surprise...
met ms yanti and she reiterated the exact words uttered by mr lim - "you guys in vj ah, dont keep playing! must study! last time my senior tell me not to mug and j1 is honeymoon year, and i believe. then the promos, i got a shock then started working hard..."
he's a great man, and i want to be like him :D
so less playing, not NO playing...
and yep i will pay attention in CME from now ons :D no P yet, cannot tahan physics lectures...
teachers are really nice :D
still thinking of us and our welfare even after graduation :D
mrs wee and mrs pong were really busy, and looked lethargic after a day's work :D
THANKS WEE AND PONG!
mrs teh's shirt was really nice, i think :D
no money this year, sad...hais...
and my bag broke T_T
gonna buy some new ones tomorrow i think :D
lin lao shi was really funny, talking about her 85 vj batch...
lol, we werent even born, and my parents havent even met...
LOL...
and it's pretty cool when she meets her 41 year old students this year at homecoming...
its gonna be so cool having old people calling you lao shi..
lol...
and she dont look that old, really..
she look late 40s...
:D
didnt see mr chee at all =/
trust me qingyi changed alot.
i am really scared of her now.
wow.
i really miss 4r1...
having fun with ck kn they all T_T
if only everyone's in vj :D
even during cca, i feel lonely..
people have their own clicks coz they come from same secondary school...
and i am like e only nasian..
it's like, wanna mix but finds it hard...yeah...
but they are really nice :D
talked a bit to xindi (i think i spelt it correctly) and eric :D
really nice people, and i really dont know that many mbs people, perhaps the ones they quoted are all from em1 stream?
jessica is really nice, and all the seniors :D
got to know alvin and fabian :P
think i will be running for co exco...
hope i can make it :D
wanna contribute :D
ok, thats all for now :D next times :D

2009-03-17T02:29:00.003+08:00

haha, there's really alot of stuffs to blog about... =/
and i dont know where to start from :P
had been leading a really hectic life recently, and getting all lethargic and low at home at night...
nvm, lets just start with all that i'd went through, starting last friday, if i'd recollected the exact happenings...
went gym for the alpha-th time, and it's pretty fun i thought :P
i didnt really get myself involved in cardio practices but more or less playing with the alien-looking devices around ;P
zh,cy,zm,grace,ck,dion,jh,el were there with me, if i remembered correctly..
and engleong was acting cute as always :P
measured my height and weight there and noted a 0.4 cm increase in height over the past two dearing years...
and officially 62kg...
had a $32 fish&co platter which didn leave much of an impression accompanied with a gigantic jungle freeze which i thought was average too =/
and after the dinner i was damn stunned!
chankai's hands aint no sweaty anymore!
but after what seemed to be 20s, the liquids started to ooze out :P
we, or at least for me, unwillingly left for home. the end.
then it was saturday, and cca was cancelled due to CTs...
went out with wr,joshua,greg and jr joined us sometime ltr at esplanade library...
bought a iced cafe latte which tasted a lil above average...
had a rather productive homework salvage, i thought...
we left for dinner at bk at marina, and wr wanted to check out comix for resident evil 5..
eventually, he got lost and we expected the customer service's receptionist to call out his name, but of course, duh, it didnt...
he found his way back, after 20min i think, and we left for pool...
before pool was a 20min queue-up for atm madness...
and followed wr to get his game at hmv before returning for pool...
ok, i'm a noob. the end.
ohya, greg left halfway but i cant remember when and why he left...
joshua and wr took the red line home, i think...
and jr and i went for the green one which included two new unglam stops - pioneer and joo koon :P
i think i asked alot questions =/
that's weird, =/
sunday went ahma's house for buffet since her birthday was drawing near...
it's rather nice, and got abit sad someway through, but whatevers...
it was school, and lets forget about school...
nothing much about it anyways...
lynx got 2nd for cheer and 3rd for games...
overall? 2.5nd/rd!
house people were really cool, and witnessed their hard work the day before the actual cheerleading event...
good job cheerleaders!
hais..
i missed 3 cca days so far...
i feel really bad, really...
i feel indebted to co for some reason and actually feel that i should do something to contribute =/
how? practise for honours...
maybe =/
come to think of it, i feel abit lost...
i just read meishan's blog and pondered deeply...
change - did i change?
i shouldnt but have i?
i thought i laughed louder than before and it was rather irritating when i heard myself...
i thought i was more lively than before and i find myself weird...
as in, how come i changed? i didn even allow myself to change...
i think i hate myself more than i do in the past...
and confidence diminishing..
i cant even articulate my words coherently in gp sharing or pw presentation now...
so much have changed...
isit the school culture?
i dont know...
i think i am still me, thats for the innate being...
but expressions changed, T_T
how? what should i do?
change back? can i? dont know? lost~

MUACKS XD

2009-02-27T12:27:00.002+08:00

lol, after 165 posts in these two years, i finally realised there is a column for me to name the title of posts.
wow~
TODAY is FRIDAY~
i dont know why but i think i like to say that phrase, so one more time, TODAY is FRIDAY~
ok, freak.
we have cross country today!
and for once i am damn proud of my ranking :D
its 666!
damn nice right?
i am like super happy to get this number even though i know that there is like less than 700 guys in school?
this means that i'm gonna be super lucky for the rest of the year :D
woohs~
shit, ok, let me start with class then lessons then cca then cross :D

09S54 is the best class! woots~
everyone is like so fun (except me, i think)
i cant expect myself to be super high when the atmosphere is not right, so normally i am quiet...
esp. today, i only had 5 hours of sleep...
i woke up to shit and slept sitting on the toilet bowl :P
it was like 6.35 when i woke up again to brush my teeth...
left house at 7.06, reached bus stop at 7.08 and boarded the bus at 7.10 :D
ok back to class...
i dont like the word CT, its like quite unglam to me..
haha, 09S54 ROCKS!
but the prcs seem to be self-exclusive...
dont know why...
maybe we are too intimidating coz veron laugh too hard :P
lol...

I've never NOT slept in all the physics lectures.
I've never liked physics anyways.
I've never NOT laughed at FSB.
I've never NOT heard a maths teacher whistle in lecture theatres.
...
thats 4 deaths already :D
i am not gonna write grace's porn question...
lol
ok, i think mrs yik is better than mrs teh :D she is super nice and cool :D
mr foo rocks man!
never fail to provide entertainment during lessons!
and he looks like the grown-up version of eric peh!
LOL
gp is...no comments...
ECONS IS DAMN HARD, but i am getting it i think...
our pw group super productive!
3 members out of 5 turn up for meeting and finished PI development in like within an hour :P
i find huiting's fruit joke very funny! esp. when jr says it :P
o0 jr sounds nicer than junrong, maybe he can make jr his english name :D
we had HBL - home-based-learning - yesterday...
SUPER FUNNY, but not fruitful at all!
OMG I WAS LAUGHING LIKE MAD DURING CHINESE LESSON, IF THERE WAS EVEN ONE!
we were like, "lao shi, yao jiao morgan lai ma?"
she had technical difficulties for 1hr10 mins and lesson resumed after that...
and mind me, AFTER THAT means lesson over and she insistently emailed us back to lesson...
the funniest was "we shall conduct lesson by email!"
LOL, i was ROFLing...
she damn joker!
i was like laughing to myself in front of computer non-stop..
crazy shit...
then econs was damn fun, ms wong was like damn 拽 that she is the only one talking..
and her voice, i swear, was damn man initially...
she kept laughing too, like we did!
we all damn joker...
we do lynx cheer during econs lesson and greeted her virtually..
LOL
then we were like gossiping about the teachers on msn at the same time...
lol, funny....
i was sorry for chem...
dont know why, i felt guilty T_T
sorry mrs yik...
pe was torturous!
do essay on fitness topics, wow...
maths was sleepy..
lol...

CCA!
CO again, erhu again :D
i think vjco not bad, at least way better than our syf standards 2 years ago...
i was quite stressed initially knowing that i am like lost throughout entire dazu...
now its better, at least i can play 1st page :D out of 8 ==''
i think erhu ren here are very nice people, at least there's like no discrimination here as compared to nas :P
2 liuqin 2X loudness of 4 in nas...
prob coz one of them is a guy? :P
5 cello, quite good and loud :D
i think nas tan bo overall better :D
vj dizi owns.
its like 2 tanyins playing :P
i like co :D
oh, someone turned up for my strings interview under my name and got rejected...
i dont know who, but for all i know, his spelling fails...
QIHAO - i am like the only one with that name in singapore?
thanks :D

CROSS!!!!
NO 666!!!!
MASS DANCE ROCKS!!!!
LYNX OWNS!!! (honestly, i was surprised coz we dont really have much winners compared to ursa)
NOW WE REALLY SCRATCH YOU AH!!!!
i forgot lynx cheers when they started cheering, so the 1st two times i was only clapping... :P
I WAS HIGH WHEN LYNX WON!!!!
WOOTS!!!!
woooooohs~
k i go facebooking liao :D
facebook is fun :D
cya allllllll some other time...
and 4r1, i dont think i can go for outing tmr...
got cca, and 09S54 seems to be having an outing at the moment.. :D
BYES

2009-02-23T18:37:00.002+08:00

woooohs~
omg i am like sooo excited now :D
i share the same birthday as hitler! and i hate him!
:D
i was like sorting out th birthday calendar on facebook...
and under the 'celebrities born april 20' section, i see adolf hitler!
for all you know, i may be the reincarnation of this devil, muahahaha~
ok thats all for now :P i am really tired and gonna go slack :D
cya

2009-02-16T00:21:00.003+08:00

wow, happy valentine's to everyone :D
never had a valentine - how does it feel like to have one?
i dont know why but i feel that couples only go out on valentines...
on saturday, we met thousands of couples in tmall alone...
and today, the max was around 10...
ok maybe i exaggerated...whatevers...
today i asked people some questions...

Me: "do you think you will have very very close friends in jc?"
zh: "No" *super quickly*

hais...
come to think of it, it made me quite sad...
maybe not then, but now it is...
my class has very very friendly people :D
ummm, i dont know what's the definition of friend now...
but i think i have some..
didn really get to know all but really really hope to get really close friends like those in 4r1 XD
i missed the t3 dinner thing...
regrets...
thought that it would have been some really great time...
hanna didn reply my last message, even after my phone died some time at 8...
thought that she was angry...maybe i was just paranoid...
really really sorry that i didnt make it... *scared classmate angry at me*
T_T
i'd never got so bothered about friends before...
as in during sec 1 and 3 when i was new to the environment, i didn give any damn for anything at all - but friends just came your way within days...
in jc, i try to make friends but progresses slower...
dont know why...
maybe personalities really clash within the class...
or maybe we havent really open ourselves up to anyone yet...
i like 09s54, and anything i'd said/i say dont mean any hint of offence at all (dont believe just ask my previous classmates :P)
just really wish that in jc, life can be super fun as a class like those in every single secondary school class :D
i think i sounded despo for friends and that people find me weird...
at least i was truthful to myself and not making some kind of faking statement to make everyone happy..
lol, i promise that i will try to go for every class outing...
i am not free on 24th feb for now...
misses 4r1 and o7 T_T
oh ya, can i ask a question?
does smilies make my blog look gay? (like T_T :P XD :3 :D)
nites~

2009-02-09T21:42:00.003+08:00

omg tired...
09S54~
thats my class :D
i think my class damn fun, but i think i damn low too
dunno why but didn get as high as i wanted to be...
still shy, i guess :P
but everyone's nice, i guess :D
got to know about half of the class today, and didn catch the names of everyone...
there's denise, the st nich girl that was damn high and like laughing jollily almost all the time :D
and melissa, the tkgs girl who screams and laughs together at the same time - got that when doing the pole station...lol, no offence :P
there's this other st nich girl, dont ask me for her name... i'd try to give an answer by tmr :P
there's jiajing and junrong - the sporty lot, playing bball and volleyball respectively :D quite on also :D
then there's yangyi,tengyao,bastion,soonder (i guess), ..., ... and me...
still dont know much to blog about, but rmbr that yangyi's in choir and tengyao plays golf...
sian, my sunburt nose slowly peeling off...
it's red and ugly...
oh ya... our civics tutor and physics teacher is miss daphne ng...
she quite pretty la...
and i openly said i dont like physics...
at least i am honest right?
waits, let me declare a promise here :D again...
STARTING FROM TMR, TRY TO BE AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE AND TRY TO MAKE FRIENDS FOR GOODNESS SAKE...
grace and i are like in the same class :D
quite cool right?
and weiguang too, my pri sch friend :D but somehow didnt have any similar topic to talk about, yet...
hope it's gonna be more fun than 4r1 :D
aldo's daring and really nice :D
veron damn high and looks quite friendly :D
nurul's like our sch nurul, seems approachable :D
ummm, there are 6 scholars in class...dont wish to talk about any...
you know what i mean...
thinking of getting a class dinner, maybe at thaipan tmr :D
ummm, stop here la, quite tired...
cya all tmr :D

2009-02-08T09:32:00.002+08:00

2 of our 4 OGLs :D cecilia and huimin

another one of our OGLs, elroy, with a white balloon stuck to his butt :D come to think of it, didnt get any photo of michelle T_T

AFTER mass dance!!!! omg my nose is soooooo red and cecilia said that it looked like it was bleeding from far! T_T SUNBURNS~~~

anyways, thats me, alvin and junwei :D

from the left: pingyao, elroy, cecilia and celine ( lucky dodge :P )

alvin's back, audrey, laura and clarissa :D i think that laura's and zhihui's resemblance is uncanny :P

i think those are the cedar boys :D