Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Why should I be the one pleasing others?I'm done with enough of that.
Not that it's my turn now to be crowned the king, but I should at least have my share of expression.
Stooping lower than usual to make up to someone when it's not entirely my fault in the first place, that's just not my thing anymore.
I may once be a pushover.
But now, you make things right.
Try that. Not that easy eh? I've been serving that role all long. All long, till now.
I know that if I went far enough, I wouldn't care anymore.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Telling people to keep their Decembers free.
And wala.
Fuck it then. I can live my life alone, and it's a great hell of a pleasure.
The kind of relief and content you can never get elsewhere.
It's sorta like feeling that you are finally the pivot of the entire world; the target for spotlights.
Your life becomes a movie about you and woah, for once, I feel like a star to me.
Friday, December 9, 2011
How can Tanner Patrick not be famous?His vocals are not the best around but it's fresh in a sense that it's addictive and totally sex for the ears.
Plus, he's got the nicest looking face on youtube.
The eyes, the nose and that voice. And those tiny pricks of facial hair (things that by the looks of it I may never have).
How can life be so unfair.
I am Asian but no good at anything. How can this even?
Living up to expectations.
Funny how it almost always meant something of higher regard or value.
I expect to not have a leisure getaway until I get much older, and guesses are that it will be a solo trip.
Not that bad ain't it. Besides, alone on foreign ground seems so intriguing is it not?
Have always been so jelly of those with fully stamped passports.
My life just has it that chance and time do not elide into an actuality.
Only able to travel this year and yet I had squandered the opportunities away.
I wanted to backpack the States or UK, but my mum just pshawed and gave a quick standing citing reasons of unfamiliarity and such. All those despite what I explained having guides, forums, gps, and a clear fact that I can converse, albeit not entirely fluent in their accent, in English.
The next year will not be a kind one. And yes that lies the ground of my next expectation.
I guess I can only look forward to the apocalypse which better happen as determined.
A fatalist I am eh, and yet I still expect.
What a loser.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
There is still a point to keep a personal blog, something off tumblr, meant for only those aware of its existence. For when you feel loaded with so much frustrations or misunderstandings and such, you can still unwind somewhere. Not necessarily for anyone to read, of course that would be nice, but when you lie to yourself that this post has reached its intended audience and that they keep complete mum to this, you feel as though you are forgiven maybe even forgotten. But that's a nice feeling ain't it.
As a misanthrope I shouldn't give a damn. Or was it none fucks given that I turn into one?
Man is the worst of any kind.
Haven't been spending much money on what the society, or anyone but me, defines as necessities.
My mother still provides allowance, but not like it's expended that much or at least the pace it's intended upon.
Come on, judge for all you want, but deep down you long for any surplus of cash coming from them. It feels good in the wallet albeit not wasting them.
30 bucks in notes can last me a couple of weeks. That's how much a spendthrift I am.
So before anyone gets so pissed, or jealous in a sense that includes anger, why I can go around spending on sprees all the time - just saying - I forgo essentials for luxuries.
Because I can. It's my will and that is that, period.
You don't want to compare because beyond this superficial facade, I am actually quite broken inside out. The lifestyle I choose to lead all in all is hell itself.
It's like I am ruining myself, and I mark it a goal to destroy thyself.
Welps, maybe not that much a goal in a sense that such acts are extremely effortless to carry out.
Like every day in camp is a day without food until dinnertime. No necessary expenditure at all.
They sometimes wonder how I can survive without food for, literally, a day for such extended periods of time. Wait till they hear 3. But oh wells, my body adapts well to such situations.
And I should lose that fat face of mine.
For which I crafted a somewhat ingenious plan, or one may say completely foolish, to slim down till 53 or less as deem fit; till a point when I am the very least content and convinced that I don't look like a hamster chewing on seeds.
It's obvious I have always hated how I look.
If I were in any hint attractive, physically, I can't possibly imagine the risks and adventures I'd partake on in the unsaid fashion-offs.
I mean, if you are attractive, things like bowties, braces, neckchains, and (insert anything) will appear nice on you. Impressive, rather.
If you think about it, not spending on food at all means that you only have to account for transport, and having to make only 2 trips a day amounting to possibly a 3 bucks, it then translates close to $350 of disposable allowance a month.
Of course, I make it a point to save half of these monthly inputs. And I really do, which shows that in a way I am still quite Asian. (and I should not be proud of it at all though I must say that I am impressed by my discipline in maintaining this)
And by saving half, I beg myself to make it a point to definitely finish up the remainder. And a recluse I am, with no life to indulge in (oh how much I despise the existence of Life), a hundred over dollars means a lot. That's many cups of starbucks and rounds of shopping.
And I can afford to offer treats - to family and friends alike though I wouldn't really consider the former a treat but rather a rightful doing from my part - because I haven't been spending to the 50/50 margin.
I mean, I must really get this point across that I am not by any chance rich all the time.
In the past, I admit having bitchfully flaunted (which I regret in every single way) wealth as a possession derived from my parents.
But now, I spend most from what I receive as official returns of whatever administrative services I provide at work. So what wrong is that?
My life, my money, and I can do whatever I like to it.
And you can't fault me can you; for I still make it a point to save up while my knowledge somehow has it that peers of my age seem to squander all away somehow someway.