Friday, August 12, 2011
Argh, those irritating blogwalkers are like parasites on my tagboard.
Well, that aside, it's been some time since I've last blogged.
I don't really have much time to indulge in this past passion as I spent most of them dozing and shutting down from this world.
But there was this thought, out of the blue, that struck me while I was walking back home.
Will I ever be desperate for love?
Hmmmm, I'm not gonna lie. When I see a pair of lovebirds strutting down the street like it's rightfully theirs', my face do turn green.
If they are ah-tiongs; green with disgust. Otherwise, I do get quite envious of people who truly appreciate and love one another.
Philophobic is a word designed for me.
I do long for that extra comfort and belonging, but at the same time unless it lasts (which it obviously doesn't - thanks to media and surrounding breakups), I won't accept less say initiate a proposed try-out.
That's probably why I'd probably stay a probably lonely and probably posh lifestyle.
Nevermind if you don't get the posh part, but yes I do not see myself in a relationship at all.
Fear of commitment that doesn't extend and is not reciprocated accordingly.
I've read somewhere that Taurus is a constellation of sincere and true lovers that one should not leave.
I sorta agree. If there were that other one, IF, I can foresee true and wholesome devotion from my part. Aiyah, there won't be one lah.
I've told kn before that should a female double of myself be present, I'd never fall in love with myself.
Oh shit here comes the bragging. *warning*
Surprisingly, there're people whom have hinted/liked me before!
I am puzzled to the max. Like a 10,000-piece puzzle set forming a constellation of stars - that kind of puzzled.
Physically a scrawny plain John, and my personality doesn't exactly rock/stand out.
I still don't get it.
Heh, let me share about my 1st love.
AT 5 YEARS OLD. There was this girl called Rachel Ma whom happened to be enrolled into the same kindergarten as I was. She's sweet and pretty and I don't know why but perhaps due to the influence of Channel 8 dramas I actually said those 3 words.
AND SHE SAID ME TOO.
Eh gosh I am blushing now.
It's just natural I guess, but back then, everyone was so childish and all (literally), so I doubt I'd consider it a true relationship as I look back now.
We held hands and even kissed once. On the lips, just slightly.
Whoa memorable.
At least I wasn't fat in kindergarten. If she'd seen me in Primary 5, she'd probably run away.
Welps, she moved away and I'd never seen her again.
But I wasn't heartbroken, possibly because Channel 8 dramas didn't teach me that I ought to be so.
Given my oversized + upsized state in primary school, there was this one girl who seemed to hate me.
During a class gathering years later, she confessed that she did have feelings for me for those 2 years. I was completely shocked and stared blankly towards the waters along ECP. Come to think of it, I indeed gave no reply and just continued sitting there enjoying the night breeze, oh and a RAT.
ECP has rats, be careful.
Then in ngee ann, there were a few people.
I think being in SC somehow made me a little more popular. (and hated as well)
Then in JC, there was one and I sorta regret it now.
She's really nice and all, but oh wells.
Philophobic syndrome - must be.
And there's the taiwanese also.
Sorry I don't mean to brag whatsoever.
I mean, it's good for me to recollect that I have some appeal.
OK WAIT DELETE THAT STATEMENT IN YOUR MIND, it's good for my future children (if any at all), to look through this and realise that their Dad is not a slut. I still wish to die by 40 though.
And like I always said, when I revisit my blog's archives, at least I can laugh over how retarded and childish I was back then.
This would be one of those more joy-inspiring articles.
Articles that sometimes make me feel a little (once) wanted.