Saturday, August 20, 2011

Uncertainties in life. Always.
Oh, and doubts - those self-inflicting ones.
It's like looking in the mirror; sometimes you find yourself presentable and then sometimes you'll see a reflection of an ogre.
Or like singing in a comfortable key and find yourself owning the entire song but fall in self-defeat as you fail to comply to Bruno Mars' vocal range.
Or choosing to be locked in a lone miserable world yet yearning for acceptance from external bodies.
Omnipresent killer-dilemmas.
But there's one thing that every sane and analytical person have in common.
They hate their own lives.
Only those who don't think, aka retarded, will argue otherwise.
Because everyone has expectations, but how many lives up to it?
When you finally grasps hold of it, it automatically elevates to a new height anyways.

Wanna know why I love tumblr so much?
Most of the people there are like me.
Dejected, willing outcasts of the society.
Because this society is too judgmental and stereotypical.
In a bad way.
You are almost never praised for being who you are, yet being shot down for what you not be.
So tumblr is a getaway where all these people come together, find your own circle of outcasts, and share messages or gifs that reflect what you truly think and feel.
Those funny and LOL-inducing gifs play a role in a sad tumblr user's online life as well.
They are therapeutic in a sense that they relief you of most if not all self-defeating thoughts.
For just a few moments. But that's enough.
At least there's some time for you to forget all those satanic voices surfacing in your mind.

I hate how people, including myself, prescribe self-comfort as panacea for bad times; as if it's rightfully correct and curative.
Oh I've gotten an E for Chemistry. Nahhhh, at least half of the class' gotten an E anyways.
Heh, I've spilled my cup of coffee. Nahhhh, at least it's content didn't land on my shirt.
Oh damn, I didn't finish my homework. Nahhhh, she probably won't remember collecting it from me anyways.
HEY, the second half of these statements doesn't correct your mistakes do they?
But this is human nature, is it not?
Which is exactly why I despise the human race.
It's not wrong for you to find relief for psychological or emotional burdens, but more often than not, it's just temporary and it does not correct your mistake.
Pathetic muggles.
Face it, gotten an E? Strive for an A.
Spilled your coffee? Clean up and be extra careful next time.
Didn't finish your homework? Be honest, apologise and remember to complete it on time thereafter.
But it's difficult to do so. Because they are commitments, and like what people say "rules are meant to be broken", commitments are meant to be abandoned.
Moreover, commitments are like Satan's reincarnation.
They inflict fear and deterrence.
Commitorum Metus, or Commitment Phobia, has been scientifically proven to be present since the 1980s.
Science = Nature, so you can't blame us for fearing commitment can you?
See? Another self-comforting effort.
Good job, mankind.
ranted at 9:10 AM

Friday, August 12, 2011

Argh, those irritating blogwalkers are like parasites on my tagboard.
Well, that aside, it's been some time since I've last blogged.
I don't really have much time to indulge in this past passion as I spent most of them dozing and shutting down from this world.
But there was this thought, out of the blue, that struck me while I was walking back home.


Will I ever be desperate for love?
Hmmmm, I'm not gonna lie. When I see a pair of lovebirds strutting down the street like it's rightfully theirs', my face do turn green.
If they are ah-tiongs; green with disgust. Otherwise, I do get quite envious of people who truly appreciate and love one another.
Philophobic is a word designed for me.
I do long for that extra comfort and belonging, but at the same time unless it lasts (which it obviously doesn't - thanks to media and surrounding breakups), I won't accept less say initiate a proposed try-out.
That's probably why I'd probably stay a probably lonely and probably posh lifestyle.
Nevermind if you don't get the posh part, but yes I do not see myself in a relationship at all.
Fear of commitment that doesn't extend and is not reciprocated accordingly.
I've read somewhere that Taurus is a constellation of sincere and true lovers that one should not leave.
I sorta agree. If there were that other one, IF, I can foresee true and wholesome devotion from my part. Aiyah, there won't be one lah.
I've told kn before that should a female double of myself be present, I'd never fall in love with myself.


Oh shit here comes the bragging. *warning*
Surprisingly, there're people whom have hinted/liked me before!
I am puzzled to the max. Like a 10,000-piece puzzle set forming a constellation of stars - that kind of puzzled.
Physically a scrawny plain John, and my personality doesn't exactly rock/stand out.
I still don't get it.
Heh, let me share about my 1st love.
AT 5 YEARS OLD. There was this girl called Rachel Ma whom happened to be enrolled into the same kindergarten as I was. She's sweet and pretty and I don't know why but perhaps due to the influence of Channel 8 dramas I actually said those 3 words.
AND SHE SAID ME TOO.
Eh gosh I am blushing now.
It's just natural I guess, but back then, everyone was so childish and all (literally), so I doubt I'd consider it a true relationship as I look back now.
We held hands and even kissed once. On the lips, just slightly.
Whoa memorable.
At least I wasn't fat in kindergarten. If she'd seen me in Primary 5, she'd probably run away.
Welps, she moved away and I'd never seen her again.
But I wasn't heartbroken, possibly because Channel 8 dramas didn't teach me that I ought to be so.
Given my oversized + upsized state in primary school, there was this one girl who seemed to hate me.
During a class gathering years later, she confessed that she did have feelings for me for those 2 years. I was completely shocked and stared blankly towards the waters along ECP. Come to think of it, I indeed gave no reply and just continued sitting there enjoying the night breeze, oh and a RAT.
ECP has rats, be careful.
Then in ngee ann, there were a few people.
I think being in SC somehow made me a little more popular. (and hated as well)
Then in JC, there was one and I sorta regret it now.
She's really nice and all, but oh wells.
Philophobic syndrome - must be.
And there's the taiwanese also.
Sorry I don't mean to brag whatsoever.
I mean, it's good for me to recollect that I have some appeal.
OK WAIT DELETE THAT STATEMENT IN YOUR MIND, it's good for my future children (if any at all), to look through this and realise that their Dad is not a slut. I still wish to die by 40 though.
And like I always said, when I revisit my blog's archives, at least I can laugh over how retarded and childish I was back then.
This would be one of those more joy-inspiring articles.
Articles that sometimes make me feel a little (once) wanted.
ranted at 5:33 PM

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