Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Harry Potter is overrated.
Cats are overrated.
Love is overrated.
Menstruation is overrated.
Lady Gaga is overrated.
Glee is overrated.
So what?
As long as it's on Tumblr, I love them, regardless of it's ratings.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
On emo days, tumblr doesn't appear on any of my tabs.
I am so damn pissed at my dad.
The market's under renovation and there's no vacant stalls to resume operations and thus he started working from home.
Initially, I was perfectly fine with that.
Until my assumptions went haywire.
12am - 2am : arrival of imports and grinding of meat
11am - 1pm : another round of mincing and chopping
I need to live with this routine for the next year.
In the past, when he's resting during office hours due to the unusual operating times, we minimise all potential stimuli that can awake them from their slumber.
Now, I have a brother studying for his O levels, and I am about to start my preparations for the 2nd As.
Great, we're gonna be deprived of sleep and have our studies disrupted during peak hours.
Please take note that we have neighbours too, and that we have to live up to the stench, hygiene, and noise.
This is the 1st time in 8 years since we've moved in, that I've seen flies.
Really?
I would have kept my cool until he opened his mouth.
Demanding, unreasonable, unthoughtful, domineering and offensive.
Directed towards my mum.
She's helping you dude, she's not your maid.
I've always disliked him.
My cousin once told me that she was in a same situation.
That anger and intolerance towards her dad that's almost never appeased.
She said that as time passed, things changed for the better and their relationship improved.
I was quite confident when I said that my case's different.
I still am.
He does not know my birthday, my age, my school, my results, my life, my everything.
Likewise, I make no point to understand him and his activities.
One phone call to a customer at work forms more words than he'd ever speak to me in a year.
He's quiet but definitely not soft nor softspoken.
Once his blabberbox opens, which only does rather rarely, offensive and uncaring statements are released.
And I get so damn pissed at that.
家家有本难念的经, I know that.
Given that this scripture is written in a foreign language, and we are not gonna translate for one another, I believe the result becomes rather obvious.
Throughout these 19 years, no one's ever shown me the way to an ideal father.
No one's ever guided me, as a guy, through adolescence and adulthood.
It's left to my experimentation.
How I am supposed to act as a guy, to talk to other people, and to not end up like him.
I have no idea if I've missed out on any important component in my upbringing, but till now, I don't give a damn anymore.
Missing out for close to 2 decades, it's as good as permanent absence.
I've told my mum before; Caring for me doesn't equate to providing me with all material needs, wants and riches.
If that is the only thing you provide for me, when I grow up, Ima just pass a thousand a month for your living expenses - nothing else.
Ionno why but I feel as though I have noone to rely on.
I can't rely on anyone for I fear of myself being a disappointment worth their withdrawal from my life.
I depend on myself.
Me and my emo shit.
Please let me die at 40, I'd have lived life to my fullest (regrets).
This is illogical but if God is present at all, grant me this and I'd believe in you.
And I don't mind going to hell.
I should go to hell and not be reincarnated for such misery again.
I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
About a month's time before those girls meet the desperate guys.
About a month's time before I, should, completely give up on sharing this life with the others.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one without any other friend and need to cling onto the best bunch of people I've ever met.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just so that my life's not occupied by anything at all; unlike others who are never free.
Trust me, sometime soon, I'd not give a damn anymore.
And trust me, very soon, I'd have lost interest in everything.
I am actually glad that the K sessions were non-existent.
Because time proves to be the best treatment for impulses.
I think I understand how those heartbroken people feel after their shattered relationships.
You tell yourself to let go, but those glorious pasts don't allow you to.
Regardless and eventually, you'd cross that barrier and proceed with life.
Moreover, it's a proven fact that I can live my life myself.
Just a wincy bit more.
I don't need to stoop low to make myself appear desperate and unwanted.
As much as I value them, it does not seem to be reciprocated.
And I have lived up to my promises.
I indeed did not organise anything for 2 weeks.
I am merely relaying the messages of the initiators.
If people are hard to get, I can make myself one of them.
It's 11.11pm, and supposedly, someone is thinking of me.
Right, more like everyone's in my head.
On 4th July, I will start studying.
Engaged full-time, and unavailable.
I am one pissed man.
Have fun with your own lives, people.
Adios.