Pissed, he rushed out of school, and coincidentally, the bus arrived just as he approaches the bus stand.
Things flow smoothly on bad days, always.
Upper deck's rear seat, a confinement location to keep himself self-obsessed whilst not attracting all the attention.
Reminiscence, a powerful and dominating noun, took place. Oh great.
1st, it was the taxi driver this morning.
Driver: Isnt schooling the best?
He: No?
Driver: You must study, in Singapore, paper qualifications can never be do-withouts. You suffer now, and reap fruits of satisfaction and enjoyment ever onwards. Never the way around, remember.
True, but Fuck him, coz he mentioned the word Fucked-Up to describe something about Singapore.
Great, a pre-lecture to the HOD-welcome session.
Not even getting a chance to greet her, she started with the entire condemnation procedure.
She mentioned some things, some things that provided hints with the way he should construct and reply his answers. Thinking back, he is prepared to jot them down on his blog.
Holy HOD: Why do you have difficulty with Chemistry concepts?
He: Sometimes, the way the teacher reaches out is inappropriate or unsuitable for some.
Holy HOD: Is it just you? Or is it the whole class? (wanting a comparison with the class as a whole)
He: No, I guess it is only me.
Later on;
Holy HOD: The comments from your GP tutor said that you were quite laid back during class.
He: It's not just me, everything is laid back during GP. ( trying to grant a comparison with the class)
Holy HOD (almost typoed it as GOD): But this is not about the others, it's about YOU, you know?
Fuck me, lol.
That was just one example. She mentioned that chatting with him made her "more and more angry". He was pissed by the degradation, disrespect and condemnation in the 1st place to answer rationally, but look who's more irrational in the answers? *STARES AT GREEN AND ORANGE PARTS*
Holy HOD: What did you write on the green form the other time?
He: I wasn't asked to write or hand it in.
Holy HOD: You mean you didn't hand this in and wasnt told by Ms Chen the last time you met her.
He: Yes.
Holy HOD: Shouldn't you have checked with her, or your CT, about it?
He: I wasnt given instructions to do anything with it. (ISNT THIS AN INSTRUCTION?)
Holy HOD: So you are just trying to be a smart aleck here giving me such excuses?
What the fucking shingz, lol.
Moving on with life on the bus, the pissed-off feeling and total disrespect made him cry like mad.
Like mad, really.
Thank god, the upper deck was quite empty with students listening to their ipod touches.
The previous time he cried on a bus was a year ago, when Ash-i-Kin belittled and degraded performers - he will never forget that.
He made up his mind. The world does not permit the existence of stupid people - they are the do-withouts of the society, ought to die on birth and never be allowed to contribute to the aggravation of carbon dioxide concentration on earth. He thought that he sucks (not sucked since he is still sucking). Totally Sucks. "I suck, I suck like fucking hell shit," he repeats in his mind.
Then, the powerful and dominating word came into the picture, again.
"Okay class, I'd like everyone to think of one achievement that you have accomplished this year, and share it with the class."
Lol. He really dont have any to start with, until now, it's still a fucking no.
He sucks.
His answer, supposedly being his achievement, was the most important object in VJC to him now.
Chinese Orchestra (CO), and more importantly, the members.
He may not be a spoken person in CO, but he enjoys being with them.
He can not remember about anything he's troubling with when around these marvelous people in CO.
That made him feel a little better.
Until the Godly "Reminiscence" came into the picture, again.
Secondary school's CO made him feel as though he was just there to be there.
If he's not with them at the moment, it would totally be a better place for the members.
They could joke better, have better fun themselves, and everything and anything goes right for them.
Noone, really noone, could ever tell why he's mostly so emo with the ex-CO-seniors around.
He felt belittled, insignificant, puny, neglected and inferior.
Even on the eve before his birthday last year, where there was a CO outing for some forgotten reason, he felt so tiny. Noone there wished him a happy birthday that day, or the next.
That day was a full moon. He always feels sad on full moons - it's predestined.
And guess what? He cried his way back home, walking from Eunos station, not choosing a bus as a mode of transportation on that day, before his birthday began.
Fucking cry-baby right? Lol, he sucks.
Guess what's next? You're right, Reminiscence again.
He wanted to text his feelings to someone, to at least calm him down a little.
Dragons/Boomz (some 17 people clique)? No, he doesnt want to affect their mood.
Victorians? No, noone close enough. Sadly, but true.
He wants to be true, and let out secrets not known to anyone later when he blogs.
He loves to cry, especially the feeling when you really want to explode into tears yet holding it back.
He guesses that it's the same reason why people practise self-mutilation - a form of torture that derives satisfaction, releasing and reliefing oneself from pain.
"Why didnt i feel stressed at all before the age of 16.66?" Before 16.66, stress comes in the form of motivation.
"Why such results? Must work harder okay?" - There was this tone of disappointment, concern and hope.
Now, stress comes in the form of MORE stress.
"Why such results? You need to drop a subject to H1." - There was this tone of rejoice, lets-get-this-HOD-session-over-and-done-with, i-dont-really-care and condemnation.
Lol, he sucks.
He thought to himself, " If this disrespect thing comes again and i didnt make it for my R-papers, Ima jump."
People may say, "Aiyoh, talk talk only lah, he wun dare to die one lah."
But he is different. He is not afraid of death.
To him, it's worse off than death to be alive and living in sorrow.
And he aims to die young, really young, and doesnt mind dying now.
Noone can change his thoughts. He is adamant in his thinking, and actions, or maybe just it's just pure stubbornness in him.
He finally reached home, switched on his computer, still crying, and starting typing on his blog.
Words appeared on the screen: "Pissed, he rushed out of school, and coincidentally, the bus arrived just as he approaches the bus stand. Things flow smoothly on bad days, always."
He just loves to write 3rd-person analysis on sad experiences, doesnt he.
Have a good day everyone, be happy and see ya. :)