Thursday, April 10, 2008
so hows your day?
today, i am totally pissed and unhappy...
its like what i mentioned in the previous post..
and i thought i finally understood some stuffs...
yet, the entire situation jumbled it up again...
so, in desperation, we went to look for her...
and whatever things that i'd mentioned, i dont think i should post it here...
i admit i was quite rude...
but thats the way she treated us when she actually talked to us, and even talking to me...
so if she were to start the conversation in a rude way WHEN we were merely trying to know what she's doing, i dont see the point why we should treat her with a smile and pretend nothing has happened...
and SHE SAYS SHE UNDERSTAND...
and she expect us to really understand and accept her reasonings...
when WE SAY WE UNDERSTAND...
she doubts our ability to do so, and dont bother about anything we said...
YOU TOLD US TO REFLECT...
BUT DID YOU?
hello?!
we are like 16 already?!
you think we do things without thinking?
hello?!
we think more than ANYONE else...
we WERE in co for more than 3years...
and that passion and love of co....
do you REALLY think you understand?
and when it comes to this kind of things...
we are more concerned and indecisive than ANYONE else...
you guys say that IT IS PAINFUL AND DIFFICULT WHEN IT COMES TO CHOOSING LEADERS...
and did you even enlist our help in the PROMOTION of leaders?
its not about one meeting and asking us for opinions and thats it...
for goodness sake...
even in the service of leading, i believe i am more experienced than you are...
and even in the arts of co, i believe i am more experienced than you are...
and whatever that you say...
i TRIED to understand...
some makes sense...
yet most just GETS AROUND the topic, in other words, left unanswered...
i TRIED to understand and hope i did...
coz i knew that you are indeed "injured" by what we said, coz you turned to the point soooo desperate that you personal attacked us...
these attacks were based on ATTIRE and ATTITUDE...
and something you said that attacked me...
"i am not trying to pull these co down..." followed by "you guys have attempted to upturn my projects, didnt you!"
what are you trying to imply?
THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE DONE, THIS IS WHAT WE DESERVE?
you know what?
i am vent on not going to cca this friday...
SO WHAT if it were to be the last practice?
it takes ONE INCIDENCE to ruin all the harmonious moments...
I AM WASHING MY HANDS OFF ALL CO STUFFS FROM TODAY ONWARDS...
I REPEAT, I AM WASHING MY HANDS OFF ALL CO STUFFS FROM TODAY ONWARDS...
i mentioned in the previous post that co accounted for 50% of what i am now...
thinking back, i would like to take back what i said...
I AM ASHAMED OF BEING IN NASCO...
YOU MAY ARGUE, BUT IT'S MY SENTIMENTS...
I AM EMBARRASSED, AND HOPE I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO TELL ANY OUSTIDERS THAT I WAS IN NASCO...
i am no longer proud of nasco...
so what if we got a gold?
if i were to be in band since sec one...
i think i would still be who i am...
and i think i can achieve even better in band...
i dont really like these chinese music in sec one...
yet now, i learned to love and appreciate them...
I JUST WANT MUSIC!
DOES IT MATTER IF I WERE TO BE IN BAND OR CO?
but one thing's for sure...
NOT CO, but NASCO has brought me much harm...
and i no longer am aquainted to IT...
one thing that made me more than happy...
was to hear what she mentioned to zengmei after the "talk"...
i hit me hard...very very hard...
i have mentioned that when i talked to you...
YOU DIDN LISTEN!!!!
and you sort of like ACCEPTED when zm talked to you about it?
i admit my tone was not as nice...
but the facts are the same...
you CAME UP WITH SOME REASONS AND JACKED ME FOR WHAT I MENTIONED...
YET FOR WHAT THE SAME THING WAS MENTIONED BY SOMEONE ELSE...
YOU REPLIED IN ANOTHER ANSWER!
are you lying to zm...
or cheating on me?!
hello?!
i spent my lunchtime talking to you...
FOR THE BETTERMENT of CO!!!
and yet...
i finally realised...
you caught no balls of what i said...
YOU FREAKING CAUGHT NO BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and FOR A MOMENT i thought that what you did was a little forgivable....
from THEN, everything's gone...
do you even know how i feel?
you lost ALL your faith suddenly when you pinned high hopes on something....
and you are cheated and neglected FOR A SIMPLE REASON: YOU ARE QIHAO...
and...
YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING...
YET THERE WERE SO MANY LIMITATIONS...
AND THEY SAY "YOU ASK FOR TOO MUCH!"
....
the school promoted SIA...
and now...
i find myself in an environment that is as contradicting as ever...
i regret..
i regret not transferring to other schools....
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
you want to do something and people stops you from doing everything...
and through your own eyes...
you noticed how little you are worth and how little you can do....
and people dont even care about you, even underestimate you...
and you thought that you can do something....
YOU FREAKING THOUGHT...
it's just too much for me...
am i so useless?
i cannot even do something so punny!
what have i exactly learned from all the things i did?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you may not have seen me cry before...
so what if i cry?
at least i let out my emotions...
and i did try to control my emotions...
yet the verge was too much for me to overcome...
it wasnt the worst...
yet, i didnt expect a school-matter can make me cry...
i didnt disrespect your decisions...
why do you keep thinking that i did so?!
aeljkudhsogauhdesiguwhaeiuthasdiuhg
sorry for the spam...
but thought that would help...
yet again...
I THOUGHT....