Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Been rather superficial with things lately.
I have no idea how, but probably due to complete boredom, I've been browsing through facebook.
While I notice that girls my age are getting prettier or at least maintaining their look, the guys are horrid.
Does everyone age so much after the army?
I haven't been seeing these guys for some very long time so perhaps the gradual changes to their features and physique have accumulated and now dropped a big bomb on me.
Even some of the better looking lads have become average looking.
I don't know if I've changed like they did; I think not, but if I'm going to, I'd better do something and something real quick.
How can people with contoured jaws have rounder faces than me now?
They even look like they're going 30.
Maybe it's just the bad fashion and hairdo and glasses at fault.
But seriously, to allow yourself to be photographed in that state is shocking.
What do you look like at home then; Trolls?
Monday, July 9, 2012
There are various treatments I prescribe to contagions I face.
Humanity itself is a disease, and if the New World Order is still in existence and in need of a humble, useless fellow, you have found yourself a member.
To people that I define mean nothing to me - mere footprints that are erased easily and definitely as that by the shoreline - I be nonchalant, illusive, even invisible.
The thing is we both know we are not in any capacity fit to contribute to a friendship beyond the office or school. And I don't even want to try because I just know it. I find no need to amuse myself for the time being seeing that such investment will yield no fruitful outcome.
Harsh and hostile. Yet not quite.
Yes, I make no effort to take part in your life but if you ever need my assistance I make sure I count. And I volunteer. Because that, while similarly having no fruitful outcome, is the way I am. Quite proud of that really, and the credit goes to my mother. So while I appear distant, people still tell me upfront that I am a nice guy.
And then there's treatment number two. The non-distant-Mr-Nice-Guy-treatment.
I've never quite given an analysis over who or what I am but the people I've mixed with over the last months made me think about it. Well, we talked about first impressions while held up or otherwise I should rephrase 'locked up' and away. First impressions of one another, and I presented a really bad one. Or at least they told me so. The thing is, if I don't smile which is sort of like all the time unless I'm interacting with people or listening to my favourite hit, I appear aggressive and horrifying even. Chao ah beng so they called.
Well the explanation is this: my pupils tend to shift up, occupying only the upper half of my eye most of the time unless I am smiling or peering down over people so yes, that is how I come off like some malevolent nazi.
Through the days, as interactions continue, I was titled The Rare Gem.
Apparently, I am the perfect guy. I don't know what I'd done but yeah they keep telling me that I'm too nice. Then I thought about it. No, I'm not nice. I am just extending what every individual should be doing to others they care about - they care for them. That's all I'd done. Care may have translated into assistance, confidences, or assurance but that's not much is it. And I am puzzled as to why they think I'm so good.
Because I think I'm a terrible bitch. And they have given off to me thinking that perhaps they really may not have met anyone like me ever. That made me feel sad for them questioning myself if they've ever made a single proper friend ever. Then they gave the how-can-you-not-have-had-any-girlfriend-before speech. This time it's different. The way they talk about it made it clear as though they knew I was the receptive party.
There's this other guy who told me that we were really alike. And that was during the initial week.
"In what way?" I asked.
"How we think and behave?" he answered.
"Well, great minds think alike," or so I thought was a witty reply.
He's a nice guy too. Not demeaning, but lesser of me I can say. And he's smart since he's going to do law in Singapore. He made me realise how complacent I am. I know I'm intelligent and because I know that I procrastinate until it's too late. That's a part of me I need to get rid of. I can get far in life but I don't see the meaning to do so. I'm living it now assuming I'm gonna die soon but if I don't in the near future, I will be screwed. Screwed big time.
How do you convince a fatalist to start living his life? You don't do you.
Friday, April 13, 2012
The celebrities I ship, they're all manic and random and stuff.
And I guess the reason why I love them so much, so much more than the appreciation I give to this world and life of mine, is that I'm pretty much like them.
It's a sad thing, you know, knowing that you'll sit through interviews with remarks that would bring similar effect to the audience or perhaps even better.
Because it's written in the stars for I will not have nor deserve the treatment and chances they had.
And them being so full of crapload is enjoyable, really, to listen to them even if it's just 'Oh, I peed in the woods' or 'Is that a sex swing?'
Self-deprecating I won't say; it's a whole other level of humor and attraction.
It's funny I'm even here writing these stuffs. I logged on feeling it's the worst day ever and maybe it is after all.
For completely no reason, I want to cry. And badly.
And it doesn't help when it's images of Peeta crying on the carriage to the train to the Capitol conjured in my mind. I would love to hurl vulgarities at anyone around me right now which would land me in deep bollocks if it were to happen any way.
Distractions not helping much, argh, what is wrong with me.
Sometimes, times like this, I feel like I'm really broken inside out. Likely diagnosed with some mental stuff or something. But I know I can't be cos' no one deranged would still be interested in anything, anything like jenlaw or jhutch.
I need to watch it again. Tonight probably, and I can release all this I-don't-know-what once and hopefully for all.
I just can't afford to feel like that.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Every single day since his debut on Broadway, I have to be reminded of how great the performance would have been.
And how depressing it is for me to not witness it all.
It's like self-mutilation to the mind for the past days. And tumblr is helping me tide through all these.
I would literally, yes literally, offer my life just to travel to NY and plant my eyes on him throughout the show. And ears, of course. And eyes. When you know you can finally buy yourself a dream, but can't exactly do so because of reasons - That's bollocks.
And they're replacing him with Nick Jonas. God, my love for the Jonas brothers. So paramount that I'd mistaken the Joe for the Nick. What's the other one called again?
How can they not extend his run on H2$.
He should quit Glee and write his own musicals and please for fucking sake come to Singapore to debut his works. But the theatres here suck.
Argh.
Life in the Army. Life in Singapore.
Now life has killed a dream I dreamed.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Why should I be the one pleasing others?I'm done with enough of that.
Not that it's my turn now to be crowned the king, but I should at least have my share of expression.
Stooping lower than usual to make up to someone when it's not entirely my fault in the first place, that's just not my thing anymore.
I may once be a pushover.
But now, you make things right.
Try that. Not that easy eh? I've been serving that role all long. All long, till now.
I know that if I went far enough, I wouldn't care anymore.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Telling people to keep their Decembers free.
And wala.
Fuck it then. I can live my life alone, and it's a great hell of a pleasure.
The kind of relief and content you can never get elsewhere.
It's sorta like feeling that you are finally the pivot of the entire world; the target for spotlights.
Your life becomes a movie about you and woah, for once, I feel like a star to me.
Friday, December 9, 2011
How can Tanner Patrick not be famous?His vocals are not the best around but it's fresh in a sense that it's addictive and totally sex for the ears.
Plus, he's got the nicest looking face on youtube.
The eyes, the nose and that voice. And those tiny pricks of facial hair (things that by the looks of it I may never have).
How can life be so unfair.
I am Asian but no good at anything. How can this even?